Memory Lane : her first love

જ➴ chapter six.

Chapter 06 :
"Less, I'm miserable"

now playing
"Losing You" by Wonho

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

: : from Sun-hee's perspective

now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one,
to build me up and tear me down,
like an old abandoned house,
what you said when you left,
just left me cold and out of breath,
I fell too far, was in way too deep,
guess I let you get the best of me,
well, I never saw it coming,
I should've started running
a long, long time ago
and I never thought I'd doubt you
I'm better off without you,
more than you,
more than you know.

Is that what they say being stupid in love is all about? Well I guess it is. Not to mention how the diary entries of us- no, of him, fooling me into his sweet, alluring words which had me captivated are in front of me, like rubbing the salt harshly on my freshly burnt skin.

I hate the fact that I made my whole personality, my whole life in such a way, that if my presence is mentioned then so does his.

But not anymore, even though these days I'm missing him a little too much, but fortunately the wave of bitter words you said so harshly rings back in the back of my head. I still can recite that day with every second passing details, and the only thing I felt was betrayal.

Betrayal. Maybe if that's all I felt, then it would have hurt less. But I felt two things, first was the thought he had stored for me, that I was holding back him from his full potential. Second was the realization that our love, bound by a sacred promise was nothing but ultimately an ordinary relationship judging with the way he summarized our togetherness of 8 months in a few lines.

Is that really what he thought? That it was immature, naive and pathetic? I scoffed replaying the memory of his choice of words for our relationship.

I'm sorry Sunghoon but for me it wasn't naive or pathetic or immature. It was innocent, carefree and youthful. I'm sorry that we weren't those legendary teen lovers like Romeo or Juliet that to have victory over our love bloods were shed mercilessly. I'm sorry that we had things run with an easy flow, and not to prove ourselves first.

Or maybe that's why you never valued it? You must have thought, "Oh it's such an easy love that we conquered, so why not twist it over?" And a very congratulations to you Mr. Park Sunghoon, you did it. You were completely successful to step your foot on my poor, loving heart and stomp over on it.

I threw my head back in pure frustration, and leaned over the couch, muttering under my breath, "Why am I even thinking of that jerk?"

I didn't intend the words to come off loud, but eventually it did, resulting in a chuckle from Seonho. I looked over at his direction, my gaze at his steps towards me with a cup of coffee in both of his hands. I sat back and took one from him, with a soft smile.

"Maybe you miss him?" And I coughed hard at his words, which obviously proved his point. "I don't miss him. Guess I'm just not over him." He gave me a look. Justified.

"That's even worse." Was all he could say? Really? I thought he'll favor me or badmouth Sunghoon considering the fact they hated each other's shadow even from a distance.

I never had any personal feelings about Seonho though, even though Sunghoon didn't like him for god knows what reason, I still didn't have anything against this guy. Fast forward, I found him in my class on the first day of our university, and as Sunghoon wasn't with me anymore, there was nothing awkward about not befriending him.

But currently I regretted having him as a friend aka as Sunghoon's lawyer, over here and that too in the morning. I hate sunrays anyways, and the thoughts about Sungho- my ex is even worse.

I groaned in annoyance when the direct beam of sunlight fell upon my face as the cloud scattered, but Seonho made me put a hold instead.

He put the cap on my head which made my hair ruffle on its own and I just stared at his face..with wide eyes. "I know you hate brightness." He simply said and brushed the few strands of hair from my face which was stuck because of the amount of lip balm I had and from the candy floss I ate earlier.

He turned his face away quickly when I checked his forehead with my burrowed eyebrows, "Are you down with a fever?" I asked him as his face was all red suddenly, he coughed like I did previously but still avoiding every possibility to face me.

I poked him on the shoulder with curious eyes but it looked like he didn't want to acknowledge my presence at this point so I decided to give up until his phone rang loudly.

I picked up as it was literally in front of me, instead I found my breath hitched as I viewed the caller ID.

"Why is Sunghoon calling you!?" I asked Seonho in a low tone, and in response he jumped off his seat to grab his phone.

He seemed nervous, and his face had turned a whole different shade of red. I raised my brows at his behavior and wondered what was going on.

I couldn't comprehend why he was calling Seonho, who wasn't on good terms with him. But I couldn't help but feel a sense of unease at the thought of this whole thing.

Seonho looked at me, then back at his phone. He didn't say anything, but the worried look on his face said it all. I felt a knot form in my stomach, and my heart started to beat faster. But he just sat there, waiting for the call to be ended on its own in pure silence.

The seconds passed slowly with every beat of his ringtone, and I couldn't take the silence any more. "Seonho, what's going on?" I asked again, trying to keep my voice calm. He looked up at me, and I could tell he was struggling with something.

"Why is Sunghoon even calling you? Since when you guys are in contact?" I stared at him intently but he appeared even more anxious. "We just happen to be more friendly."

I scoffed at his answer.

"Friendly? You guys couldn't even stand each other in school." I stared at him in disbelief. "We are grown ups now Sun-hee."

I feel even more confused now. Seonho knew about our breakup, and he knows how I feel so puzzled about Sunghoon now and obviously how much he hates him but they are now friends to a point that they call each other? Unbelievable.

"So is he going to the Asian games this year?" I couldn't keep it to myself anymore so I asked Seonho, who's certainly *Sunghoon's friend*. "Who? Oh Sunghoon?" I nodded in response.

"I don't know." he simply answered.

"That's ridiculous, aren't you friends with him? And he's in Japan for training, isn't he?" I questioned. "I'm not sure."

He's really annoying. I should've kept my curiosity back. "Why won't you ask Sunghoon?" He asked me. As if I could have even if I wanted to. "No need." I smiled at him bitterly.

"Then you'll soon know by yourself." He responded back with a smirk. What did he even mean by that? Jerk.

"You both are jerks." In answer to Seonho's cryptic response, I scoffed and rolled my eyes. I couldn't believe he would taunt me like that.

It was crystal clear that he knew something that I didn't, and it was irritating to be left in the dark. With a huff, I turned and walked out of the studio, annoyed by the mysterious exchange.

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