Memory Lane : her first love

જ➴ chapter nine.

Chapter 09:
"The night we met"

now playing
"Crying" by Boy Next Door

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆟

: : from Sun-hee's perspective :

I got home and rushed into the apartment after locking the door and jumped right under my blanket to let out all the tears I strongly held within me after the unwanted encounter I had with Sunghoon earlier.

There were so many questions within me that screamed for answers but I wasn't prepared to meet him again, not until I master how to not cry while expressing my feelings. 

Our old friends must have thought of me so low after seeing how quickly I broke down just after a glance of him, and Si-hyeon? 

Why did she drag me into all this? Didn't she know how much I am already tired from our relationship label, and why must I meet and greet all lovely and willingly to Sunghoon when he was clearly the one who didn't hesitate a bit before breaking up whatever was between us and flying to Japan?

It was stupid of me to even mourn over our end all these years when nobody is interested how much it damaged me, not even me. 

Now seeing Sunghoon standing in front of me made me realize how immature and pathetic I was back then and even now.

Ugh I wanted to scream, and shout and cry out loud over my pathetic self, I don't deserve any of it.

I rolled on to the other side of my bed until my gaze fell upon both the handwritten words of my downfall, my diary entries and the letter Sunghoon handed me over, begging for a chance to be back together, but no.

He thinks a letter is something which will make me forget every phase of grief I went into? And that too because of him? No way! 

I stood up and took the letter and shoved it into the last drawer of the bedside table, and before I could have second thoughts over him and my stupid heart will start melting over, I took my diary to read the entry which I hate to the core.

If it weren't for my patient I would have ripped the pages apart and burned it over and over again. 

But just because it keeps me in control and reminds me of his tricks and traps, I keep it there, safe and sound. The diary entry of the night before we separated our ways.

07 September, 2020

 I was super stressed because of final semester and Sunghoon already seemed a lot under something he didn't want to share, so we met at the park today at night, to vent our problems even though I was the only one who practically forced him. That's what I wanted to improve in Sunghoon, he just didn't want to open up, not only to me but to everyone out there, and from these past days he definitely was exhausted over something particular, but fortunately he agreed upon the meeting.

He was already waiting at the park looking all damsel in distress, I thought to scare him but he didn't look like he would really adore it. So I casually approached him, "Mr. Park is in the park?" I asked laughing at my own stupid joke to lighten up his already down aura to which he just smiled, "Not in the mood?" I asked, feeling a little embarrassed because of his dry reaction and also pitied how he didn't want to acknowledge this lame joke, "I don't think so."

He simply replied and then I scooted towards his side, as we were now sitting over at the bench under a street lamp, and looked over at his face with a bright smile to which he obviously returned with a soft smile but definitely a fake one.