Memory Lane : her first love

જ➴ chapter four.

Chapter 04 :
"Here's to moving on"

now playing
"Nouvelle Vague" by wave to earth

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

: : from Sun-hee's perspective

Dear Diary,
189 days to be exact. It has been 189 days since my first love, Park Sunghoon and I, got into this beautiful relationship. To me it still feels as if yesterday I confessed to him and he made me the happiest by being my boyfriend and giving me the chance to be with my first love. I actually cannot agree that it's been 6 months of us being together, time flies so fast right? And it all feels so surreal to actually believe it. Pinch me? No. I can surely tell that I happen to enjoy his love running through my veins.

Never a moment happened when he failed to make me smile and laugh so hard until my jaw started hurting. Writing about him fancies me to the point that by now I'm sure, I'm that girl in a room who never shuts up about how cute her boyfriend is. I guess that what they say love is all about. Making you stupid?

I can write a whole book about him. I really can, because there's so much more that I want to write, how every seconds passes by and he makes me more happier than before, there has been a lot of moments I wanted to note it down, especially when he strokes my hair ever so softly, and that one time when he was so shy to embrace me in a bear hug but went for it anyways. The love I felt for him in all these 189 days and way more before that, I wanted to express it in words so he would know how much he meant to me.

Sunghoon might have never said out those words because I know how shy he is and since I am also not capable for the projection of expressing it too, because I never did it to anyone. And I don't how to do it, that's what I have been doing my entire life, not sharing things about how I actually felt until now when he was there in front of me, stumbling and stuttering to say the exact three words again and again and at last he did it which left me no other choice but to say it back.

The clock struck 5 when we were at the cliff. His favorite place apart from the ice skating rink. We roamed around the city for the last three hours when all of a sudden he held my hands more firmly in his and we literally ran to the cliff. All this route I was screaming as to where he was leading me to but he didn't uttered a word except laughing out loud and when we reached where he wanted us to be, my jaw was terribly on the floor because of how enchanting the view was before us.

The cliff was at a certain height from where the whole city was visible, and during the sunset its view was the most ethereal place I've ever come across. As if my chest wasn't puffing up because of all the running, Sunghoon decided to pull me towards him by the waist. I was utterly shocked by his sudden manly behavior but he wasn't in
the mood letting it go.

After a full minute of eye contact, he started leaning in closer to my face, my cheeks already felt a wave of sudden hot breeze and shutting my eyes quickly I just held him more tightly than I ought to. Merely a second later, I found my bare lips in contact with his soft, cold ones-

Closing off the diary I squeezed my eyes shut feeling the same wave of hot breeze on my cheeks again and as if I was in the 189th day of our relationship, the day I had my first kiss, I felt his lips on mine. I opened my eyes and quickly rubbed my lips harshly, what was I even thinking?

Wasn't the seventeen year old version of me was stupid enough to write these things down when my current self is reading it and actually believing as if all this is true and things are back to their places? I shaked my head in pure disbelief, disappointment to be precise and got up from my bed.

I've been spending a little too much time thinking about Sunghoon anyways and currently my body requires some fresh air, so finally waking from delusions I thought to take a walk down the lane.

Walking to the nearest convenience store still didn't seem to satisfy me yet, so to refresh it a bit more I walked on to the beach. It's been almost a month since I was here, but coming to the beach, especially during sunset, is the best way to escape from the exhausting reality according to me.

Although I never had the courage and maybe never will to actually go into the ocean even after the beach is the only place that unknowingly heals me. I sat on the shore for straight an hour and just like I said in the diary itself that time flies fast right?

I can't believe I'll soon be 22 by next year, the younger version of me would have thought that I would be having everything under control. Partially it's true. Academics vise though. I seemingly do really well but is it actually the thing that all matters?

Emotionally I've been drained out, the inner girl in me during her teenage is in a corner all sulking to being loved again. But I can't bring myself to love someone ever again, someone "else" ever again, to be exact and I can't blame it but to call it on Sunghoon, even if it was him to crush and walk over my heart.

Guess coming to the beach only evoked the injuries much worse than before but whom to complain? Walking off the beach I decided to straight go home until my steps stopped on their own and made me stand at the same memory from three years ago again.

There was a popular couple stone spot in the beach here, cringe as it sounded, but it didn't really appear as it did when me and Sunghoon thought of carving our name on it, like the teen, clichè couple we were.

It may sound stupid but it actually was quite romantic and funny to be noted when we did it back then. We both were so tired, honestly him, after carving our long names because the only work I did was to carve a small heart in between our names when actually Sunghoon was the one to carve the rest.

I went up to see and find if by luck I get to see our stone again and surprisingly the stone was on the front surface as if someone kept it here as of currently. It's been a total of three years when we drew on it so how could it possibly be placed in front today? I scooted on its level and led my fingers to caress it.

Sunghoon ♡ Sun-hee

Unknowingly a few droplets of tears were already brimming at the corner of my eyes and I chuckled remembering the day when we both laid down right here, on the ground with no strength left in us.

The carved seemed newly formed as if someone carved it recently, rather it should have a layer of dust on it, fair? Not wanting to concentrate on these small details I secretly took out my phone like I'm literally scared to being caught on as if I was upto some serious, illegal business and took a picture of the stone.

Guess I never really moved on from Sunghoon or one could tont, not really want to.

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