Stargirl || CL16

Chapter 43

"Oh you're sorry are you?" I said in a patronising tone "I guess I'll just forgive you then for disappearing, no note, no text, didn't pick up any of my calls, but you're sorry so I'll just forget then yeah?" 

He didn't reply just looking at Lando behind me for some help. 

"Don't look at him he can't help you, look at me, care to explain your absence?" I got closer to him, everybody else took it as a sign to leave the room, so it was just us now. "Where the fuck were you?!" 

"I can't tell you" He murmured. 

"You what?!" 

"I can't tell you!" He suddenly shouted back. 

"Oh! Amazing! you've had me worried sick, literally vomiting, now you can't even bother to tell me why!" 

"I wish I could tell you, but I can't, I just need you to trust me" 

"Trust you? after you disappear on me, I text you hang on lemme just check my facts" I scrolled onto our texts "I text you forty-seven times, you couldn't even be bothered to at the very least let me know you're alive, I had to find out through paparazzi that you were in London" 

"Can I just go now?" He asked timidly. 

"Yeah, just wait right here for one second" If he wanted to leave he could take his stuff. I went into our room, taking off his jumper I was wearing and digging through his suitcase for some  random clothes and other stuff I felt like putting in the backpack he had. Once it was full I stormed back down the stairs pushing it into his chest "You wanna go, take your fucking shit" 

"What?!" He shouted as I opened the front door. 

"What the fuck do you think? Get out, you wanna go so bad, here's your opportunity" 

"You know that's not what I meant" He scoffed. 

"Well, shouldn't be an issue for you leaving should it, managed to do it all of today" I pushed him out the door slamming it behind him. I walked calmly over to where everybody else was, I realised that it was the first time meeting Flo's boyfriend and Lando's brother had just had a kid, so the first impressions were going great. "Hiya Flo, how are you? and you Oli, Sav?" They all replied really nicely in their own respects. 

"You missed Mila, she's just gone to bed" Lando tried to interrupt the awkward silence. 

"Good really, I'll meet her when I'm not halfway through a bottle of vodka, on that note I'm off to drink away my sorrows, laters" I left the room with a fake smile and a little salute, some of them waved but I just could not deal with the awkwardness. "Por el amor de dios" I flopped onto the bed. 

After a while, I found myself in my joggers, with a pillow thoroughly soaked through with tears, I noticed the chatter from downstairs had stopped, meaning everyone had gone to bed. The box of cigarettes that Charles had were looking at me practically begging for me to smoke one, I'd quit but this felt like the right time to do it. 

"Fuck it" I got up taking one out along with a lighter, walking to the window with the bottle of vodka, I cracked it open so I didn't stink the house out with smoke. After a quick swig I lit the cig holding it between my lips, taking a deep breath and blowing it back out the window. "What the fuck am I doing?" 

I'd hit lows in my life, but this one was pretty low. I checked the time, it was currently one in the morning and I'm smoking out the window with a tear-stained face and a bottle of vodka. "No I'm not fucking doing this" I put the ciggy out, after another cheeky puff, replacing the lid on the vodka. 

"Focus on tomorrow, focus on tomorrow, focus on tomorrow" I kept repeating as I walked around the room in a haze, I'd managed to find my light switch, I went into the bathroom, looking into the mirror. "Holy shit, are tears good for your skin? Cause I'll be a Hadid after that if it is" I was fully just talking to myself, I did look that up though, It said they get rid of bacteria but they dehydrate the skin.