LW2: Twin Mates

Chapter Eleven - pretend

ETHAN RICHMAN

I kissed her. I kissed her with every single burning cell in my body.

I want to tell her everything that's been on my mind. I want to tell her that I'm so fucking glad she's okay, that my heart cracked when she fell to the ground. That I'm so mad at myself for letting her get hurt on my watch.

But I don't.

Never before have I wanted to say so much, yet said so little. Said nothing at all.

I pull her closer momentarily before I pull away.

Emotions I don't begin to register cross her face. But I do notice the disappointment . The disappointment that I caused. A jolt of regret in my stomach makes me almost rethink what I did.

"What the hell are you doing?" Carter asks through mind-link, his tone angry.

"Nothing. The mate bond caused me to lose control. That should have never happened." I respond. But everything's a lie. Everything's always a fucking lie.

I leave the house quickly and sprint off to my friend, Gabriel's house.

He answers the door after the second attempt of pounding on it.

"Dude, what are you doing here? Oh shit, you look awful." Gabriel says, opening the door so I can walk in.

"Thanks." I mumble sarcastically.

"Seriously, what's wrong?"

"What do you think?"

"Rudy? Again? It's your damn fault with your stubborn ass. She's your mate; you shouldn't be running away from her."

"I didn't come here for you to bitch about her." I grunt out.

The last thing I want is somebody else coming for me for how terribly I'm handling this situation. Trust me I'm aware.

"Yeah well that's what you're getting. I mean seriously what are you so worried about?" He asks.

His tone implies that this is the most simple situation to ever cross the earth. However, I don't see him with the same mate as his brother.

"I'm sharing a mate with my twin brother, Gabriel. I don't like that plus she seems to be perfectly fine without me getting in the way. They're already inseparable."

He stares at me for a moment before he bursts out laughing.

"I don't see what's funny." I grumble.

"You're jealous. Why are you jealous? She's your mate too."

"Why? Why? I'm jealous because I know how replaceable I am! I was so excited to finally be able to find my mate, to finally be able to have someone who's only mine. Just once, I really wanted someone to choose me. Then I find out my mate is mated to my brother as well. How can you not understand that that is something to be jealous about?"

Something like pity fills his eyes and I grit my teeth, suddenly wishing I could take it all back. But I can't. It's already out and there's no going back now.

"I'm sorry, Ethan, I just... I don't think you realize how much she needs you both. From what I have heard, she wants you too." He says.

He doesn't get it. Nobody does. My entire life Carter was the golden boy. The better twin. The nicer, kinder, quieter, better twin. Growing up always hearing that he made up for my bad behavior hurt. And I thought a mate would change that. Wanting to be wanted is the loneliest feeling ever and it's all I've ever longed for.

"I should go." I say. But it's not what I want to say. I want to scream at him. I want to scream at Carter and Lesli and even mom and dad. I want to scream at Rudy. I want to scream at the entire fucking planet.

I blow out a big breath and walk out of Gabriel's house. I don't even know why I came here. I think I just needed to do anything to get away. To not see her face, the look of disappointment that I always seem to  cause.

————-

I close the door as quietly as I can. I'm not expecting anyone to be up but I-

"Where have you been?"

Fucking damnit.

Rudy stands a few feet away from the door, arms crossed over her chest, looking very determined. Or angry, I can't tell.

"Nowhere." Anywhere but here.

"Were you with that redheaded whore again?" She asks, jealousy dripping from her voice. However, the anger outweighs the jealousy.

Good. Be angry at me it's better than anything else. I'm not worth your pain...

"No." I grit out, trying to walk past her but she steps into my path.

"Why do you keep doing this? I'm so fucking tired of your back and forth shit, Ethan. You either want me or you don't, but please for the love of the Goddess, make up your fucking mind."

How could anyone as perfect as her ever question anyone's feelings regarding herself?

"I do want you I just..." I just what? Can't fathom why the goddess chose to give you to the both of us? What I did to deserve to be an option with my soulmate?

"What Ethan?" She takes a step towards me and I gulp. "You just what?"

"You deserve Carter. Just leave me-" but she cuts me off.

"That right there is the problem! You don't think you deserve something so you ruin it. You run and you push away anyone that could possibly care about you."

Maybe I push people away to see if they care enough to pull back.

"Because when I stay I destroy things! I'll destroy you too! So yes, Rudy, I do want you. Do not think for one second that I don't...I want to be happy but something inside me screams that I do not deserve it."

She doesn't stop me when I storm past her this time. I've been pretending that I didn't care since she walked downstairs that night, the night we verbally claimed her, because I thought if I acted like it didn't matter, then it wouldn't.

But that's not the case.

I open my bedroom door and close it behind me before I lay on top of my bed.

"I just want you to let me in." Rudy mind-links me.

You let people in and they destroy you. Every. Fucking. Time.

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AUTHOR MESSAGE

Sorry, this chapters kind of depressing but 🤷‍♀️

I hope you enjoyed it, nonetheless.

<3