YOU'RE LOSING ME ✦ WOLVERINE

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

LOGAN CAME OUT of the bathroom in the middle of the night to find the staircase to the attic pulled down.

Curiosity got the best of him, and he climbed it without a second thought. A small lantern was sitting on the table of the balcony, and he could see a lone figure sitting in one of the chairs, a blanket wrapped around them.

"Can't sleep?" Logan asked, walking towards them.

Kiera looked behind her, and said, "Well, seems like you can't either."

"Hmm. A different reason," Logan said, sitting down in the other chair.

"What's that?" Kiera asked, looking at him warily.

"I don't want to sleep," He simply replied. "I'll get pretty terrible nightmares."

He couldn't decipher the look on Kiera's face, so he looked out on the town, streetlamps illuminating the streets. It had to be at least four in the morning or so, and he hadn't slept a wink.

"What about?" Kiera finally asked, hugging her legs to her chest. "If...If that's okay to ask."

Logan licked his lips. She was different than her daughter, different from Clara. She definitely was more socially awkward than he thought she'd be. He sighed. "Have you ever seen someone dear to you die?" He finally asked.

She shook her head. "I've seen people die, because of work," She replied, "so I'm...Desensitized to it. But not anyone I've cared for personally."

"It's something I'd never wish for someone to go through," Logan quietly said. "But unfortunately, so many of us do."

Kiera's face had taken a different tone on. Sadness, he realized. Sadness for him. "Has..." She trailed off. "Has Clara had to go through that?"

Logan looked over at her, surprised. "She...Didn't tell you?" He hoarsely asked.

"I told her not to."

He couldn't help the flash of anger that rose in him, and he closed his eyes, curling his hands into fists, and clenching his teeth to calm down. "Why would you say that to her?" He angrily asked.

"I..." Kiera shook her head. "I thought it would be better for her, if she didn't have to go through it again, talking about all of it with me. I've been realizing for years now, that saying that was a mistake."

He had to keep himself from retorting, Yeah, you think? Instead, he asked, "Did she ever see a therapist?"

Kiera nodded, which gave him some relief, at least. "I insisted on it," She said. "I didn't want her to just...Pretend to be normal again, after what she went through."

Logan just shook his head. "And yet, for as long as she's lived here, that's exactly what she's had to do," He responded coldly. "She's been alone in this tiny little town. You haven't visited her until now. What do you think that's done to her?"

"I'm realizing now I'm a bad friend," Kiera snapped. "I realized it at the bar. That she...She's needed me and I've ignored her in favor of working. Of being with Natalie."

"It was one thing for the kids, you know. But it's worse for you," Logan replied. He didn't care if he was hurting her feelings or not. Hell, he'd only known Clara for a few months now and felt like maybe he knew more about her than her own best friend did.

Kiera sighed, resting her chin on her knees. "I'm going to start planning something for her birthday," She softly said. "I don't remember the last time she celebrated it."

Maybe he didn't know her as well as he acted, he realized, mentally smacking himself. "When's her birthday?" He asked.

"It's January 2nd. So, soon. She doesn't like to celebrate it because two days after, is the day that the Winter Soldier tried to kill her."

Logan's blood ran cold. Had she mentioned that it had only been two days after her birthday when the Winter Soldier had attacked? "Let me help," He heard himself saying. "I want to make it special. She'll be forty-six, right?"

"Yeah, she'll be forty-six. But what makes it worth it for you?" Kiera replied, narrowing her eyes slightly.

"Making her happy," Logan simply replied. "That's what would make it worth it for me."

Kiera's eyes went back to normal, and she simply asked, "Why?"

Logan looked down at his lap, searching for the best explanation. Kiera continued, "You're not even dating her. So, why?"

"I lost the last girl I loved in the most brutal, devastating way somebody could," Logan burst out. "I'm falling so fast for Clara, it's scaring me. I...I want to love her. But I can't. Not yet. I need to be okay after losing Jean. The thought of giving in, and falling in love with Clara, only to lose her as badly as I lost Jean, terrifies me. So if it means I'll just be here, giving her everything else she could want...I'll do it."

He couldn't puzzle out the look on Kiera's face. "You know..." She fidgeted in her seat. "I asked Bucky the same question, once. Why does he love her? The answer he gave..." She trailed off, shaking her head.

"What did he say?" Logan asked, curiosity getting the best of him once again.

"He said that he loved Clara because how could he not? He said he couldn't think of her in any other way." Kiera frowned, staring off into space. "Nothing about emotion, nothing about making her happy."

He understood, then, why she didn't like Bucky, besides the obvious of him being an assassin who tried to kill Clara multiple times. He didn't give the heart he needed to.

Kiera looked up at him, and she said, "But you. I asked you the same question. And you know what? I think I'm starting to like you, Logan. I've always felt so protective over my best friend, feeling as though I was the only one besides David shielding her from the world.

"But now...Now I'm not alone in it, anymore. Because you're here now, wanting to do that." She put her feet back on the ground, and sat up in her seat. "So, I'm glad I'm not leaving Clara alone here. I can leave here knowing that she's in good hands."

"Thank you," Logan whispered, not knowing what else to say. She shrugged, and got up from the chair, rewrapping the blanket around herself. She started to walk towards the attic staircase, before stopping, and looking at him again.

"I watched how you were with her all night," She said. "Not once did you do something for her that Bucky had done before. So..." She pressed her lips together. "Just don't...Break her heart."

"I don't think I could. I think she'd break mine, first," Logan admitted, making Kiera softly smile.

"Goodnight, Logan," She said, and started down the stairs.

"Goodnight, Kiera," He said, turning off the lantern.

( a/n: seeing all the reads this is getting makes me so happy!!! we're about to reach 250 reads and i'm so thrilled! )