The real monster is in your mind

Chapter 2 - fighting to death

Lily is standing in front of the mirror picking apart everything about herself, her critical thoughts rush through her mind like a tornado. She sees every flaw, every imperfection, everything wrong with her body whilst the voice in her head screams at her to stop eating and lose weight. Lily knows she needs to eat to survive but her mind is overpowered by the angry, manipulative voice which has only gotten louder in the past week.

"look at how fat you've got, you would be so much happier if you stopped eating completely, people would like you more then and you would fit in. You don't need food. if you eat anything then your going to put on EVEN MORE weight. You cant have any breakfast, you cant eat til this evening you're so greedy and fat and plus you need control, I can give you that. You're worthless without me."

at breakfast time the voice gets louder. She opens the cupboard door and grabs a cereal bar which she is now an expert in pretending to eat. She goes to sit in the living room with her dad, who she knows secretly watches her to make sure she has some breakfast.

"throw it away"

"you cant eat it"

"pretend to eat it, you need to hurry up remember you need to exercise"

"your disgusting"

"Morning dad" Lily sats with a fake smile as she sneakas into the living room

"Morning lils, you got your breakfast?" he asks

"Yeah.." she says before taking a tiny bite

"I'll be back in a minute, I- I just need to get a tissue" she says as she runs to the kitchen, getting a tissue and spitting the food back out. She feels disgusting, why did shee even let that food touch her lips? At least her dad will think she's eating it.

She goes back to the living room and pretends to take bites from the food but actually just puts it up her sleeve before putting it all in the bin. Her parents haven't realised yet that she's not actually eating ti.

"now go do some exercise"

Lily brushes her teeth then runs to her room, doing 50 sit ups sit ups before her mum gets out the shower and hears her.

"you haven't exercised enough yet, you need to do more

but I'm exhausted

I don't care, do some more exercise

I'm hungry

ew,, why are you hungry you don't need food. Now go and walk around the house again, you need to do 1000 steps before you leave the house remembe, you cant be tired anyway you only started not eating again a few days ago."

It felt like Lily was living the same day on repeat, but each day the amount of food would get even less and the voice would get even stronger.

Soon, lilys parents started finding breakfasts in the bin, they told her she would have to go to the doctors if she didn't start eating more and things didn't start to get easier but she didn't understand why because she was fine, thats what she thought anyway. She didn't want help, she didn't want to have to eat.

She would hide all her food, she started hiding the breakfasts in her bedroom so her parents didn't know, she would pretend to eat her evening meals but hide them away. When her parents caught on she just refused to eat completely, but they still hadnt figured out the breakfasts and they weren't going to, not unless lily told them which she had promsied herself she wouldnt.