That evening when Lily looked in the mirror she was scared, she literally had no fat on her at all. She was skin and bones, that was it. She could see every single bone in her body. She couldn't believe what she had done to herself. She looked back at the pictures from what had been her lowest weight at chistmas and realised how awful she looked then, but now she was even wrose. Now she had lost almost a quarter of thaat weiht again..there was literaly nothing left of her and that realisiation suddenly hit her and she was so scared.
The next few days lily tried really hard to eat as much as she needed, it was relentless but she did it, not following the meal plan because that had become a massive trigger now but she did it her way and she got another takeaway, every day was hard. Most days she spent the whole day in her own head calculating numbers and making herself feel terrible but she was getting better finally. She was in real recovery now and it felt different. It was so difficult, she would have meltdowns over it all, she would cry because she ate eto early she ate the wrong thing at the wrong time, she didn't know what she wanted to eat. She was trying to do anything she could to distract herself from wanting to eat more than she had "allowed" but she was wanitng to eat all the time, and that was terrifying.
"Lily, are you taking something with you to eat tonight? We are all getting mcdonalds I think?" her mum asked
"you are not having another mcdonalds. You already had one this week"
"uhm yeah ill make sometihng." but making something turned into wasting the whole day, first thing lily had breakfast but she had it earlier than normal and that freaked her , she felt terrible because of it, as soon as she got home she had to have a snack so it would be at the right time so she did after changing her mind over what she wanted for an hour, then she spent the rest of the day (not even exaggerating) trying to make something she thought she would be able to eat for dinner. It HAD to be healthy, and it had to be low calorie and it had to look right. She made various combinations, not any that she would of actually liked.
Lily ended up getting mcdonalds though, because she realised she doesn't want to waste another day like this and if she doesn't get mcdonalds she is letting the voice win, that was a huge waste of time the whole day but she learnt from it. The next day when she saw the food she made she couldn't wrap her around why she thought it looked wrong anyway, its just so irrational and ridiculous.
Text conversation – lucy we are meant to be getting chinese tonight and idk if I should have that or make something at home
get chinese lily, its what you need to do
but I don't know how its been cooked like if its been in oi or not, and it'll be a bigger portion than normal
that doesn't matter, thats called normal eating
can I skip snacks because ill be having more at dinner
No lily, if you read this conversation back you should see how much control your ED still has
YOU ARE READING
The real monster is in your mind
Teen FictionThis is a story about a teenage girl called Lily and her fight with eating disorders, primarily anorexia. To begin with the book details the struggles during the depths of her eating disorder and through the story you get to experience Lily entering...
