CONSUME

[33] love you

***

Graduation flew by, and then so did summer. And before I knew it, it was the day before I left for college. 

After Prom that night three months ago, I'm glad I never forgot what I'd said to Axel. Because ever since then he hasn't stopped showing me how much he loves me. Sure, we fight. In fact we fight a lot. But the fighting is never that serious, and our infatuation with each other always overcomes our arguments. 

Today was my going away party. I wanted to keep it small, only family and close friends. Which obviously meant it would just be my family, Axel's family, and Noah's family. And since her and Jake started dating after Prom, he'll be here too. 

We've been hanging out nearly everyday over the summer yet I am excited to see Noah because... well, I leave tomorrow to live on the other side of the country. And after that, when will I see her again? Christmas? Next summer? Who knows. It scared me because a lot of high school friends drift so apart once they go to college. And though I hope we never ever drift even the tiniest bit apart, I feel it to be inevitable. And that scares me. 

As for Axel... 

"Kameron honey?" I heard a knock and my door from my mother. A few seconds after knocking she walked into my room as I just lay on my bed staring at the ceiling, Axel lying by my side. 

"Hmm?" I said, sitting up beside him. Leo was cuddled up by our feet on the bed. I looked down to see him dozed off, and a smile grew on my lips at the sight. Then, I shifted my gaze over to my mom. 

Axel sat up too, as if anything involving me involved him, too.

"Anna and Noah should be here soon," My mom said, looking at the three of us on the bed with a smile. "There's a lot of food and all of the decorations are set up. So be sure not to come downstairs until I tell you or else you'll ruin the surprise." 

"Okay, okay," I smiled, and she nodded contently before walking out of the room. Of course, she left the door wide open. 

"Mom!! Can you close the door?" I called out to her but she deliberately ignored me. I rolled my eyes and looked at Axel staring at me. "What?" I said to him. 

He leaned over and pecked me on the lips. I blushed, "What was that for?"

"I just love you," He blurted, before blushing himself, "But only kinda. Not as much as you love me, obviously." 

I rolled my eyes, "Right."

"You know I just..." He began, grabbing onto a strand of my curly hair and twirling it around his finger. "I think I'm going to miss you. A lot." 

I sighed, "Axel..." I know I could say that I'll miss him too, but he knows that already. In fact, these past couple weeks I think the reality of this was hitting both of us. The difference is I've been trying to cope with the fact that it will hurt when I leave him, but I'll get over it eventually. He on the other hand, has been trying to convince me that we could make long-distance work. 

"I just-- I don't see why you won't even try," He knitted his brows together, "How do you know if it'll work out or not--"

"Axel, please. We've talked about this before. I know it sucks and it hurts and I will miss you like hell, but I just can't do it."

"But why?" He shook his head and I know he was beginning to get angry. That's a lot of what we did honestly. We may be in love but we do get angry a lot. And that reminds me that the entire thing that this whole relationship was built on was a mistake. I'm glad we made that mistake but... we've never liked each other when we just talk.