CONSUME

[35] epilogue

***

The cool wind, mixed with the damp warmth of the air is so comforting to me.

I looked up to see the green palm trees swaying in the breeze. I've loved seeing them everywhere for the past three years that I've been at University of California Irvine. It's already the summer before my senior year and I can't believe how far I've come. 

"Ready to go?" My boyfriend walked up behind me, grabbing my hand with a smile. He stood about 4 inches taller than me and I looked up at him. 

"Yup."

We walked along the sidewalk, going towards the beach. The beach was beautiful at night, and every weekend Simon and I would come here together, to get away from the main city. His apartment wasn't far from here, so it was nice to come down to the oceanside and spend time together, and then spend the night at his place. 

There was a beautiful orange sunset painted onto the sky, the view of the golden orb descending underneath the horizon being a sight I could look at forever.

As we stepped onto the boardwalk, and took the creaky wooden stairs down, I felt the texture of sand against my feet. It made my toes curl. I smiled at the sensation, loving the sand against the soles of my feet.

Nothing like the beach at night. Absolutely nothing. 

Simon led me through the sand and we walked to a spot that was hidden-- a spot that only locals really knew about. And we laid out the towel he was carrying, taking a seat. 

"Here," He said, placing the joint he'd just bought in between my lips and I let him, looking into his hazel green eyes. I didn't look into his eyes too long. 

I'm not one for eye contact. 

"Mmm," I nodded as a 'thank-you,' and lit it up. 

As I watched the flame in front of me burn the paper, I closed my eyes, reminiscing these past few years.

I haven't been back home since the day I left. 

My mom comes and visits me, my dad has yet to. 

But he bought me an apartment here, and it's nice and I love it, so that's something. I have it all to myself and it is so nice having my own space that nobody has to invade. No roommates, or residence life room checks. Just a place where I can do whatever I want. 

I recently turned 21 years old, and I can't believe how fast time has flown. 

But I have no regrets with where I'm at. I get to be in this beautiful place, with a beautiful guy next to me, and I have the free will to do as I please. 

I found myself thinking quite often about some people at home. My mom, for example. It made me sad that she was alone now, but she has Anna who I'm sure comes over often enough. 

And Noah, well. 

Noah is Noah. I really don't talk to her at all. She wishes me happy birthday, and I do the same with her. But our relationship isn't what it used to be. I suppose I anticipated that, though. 

And I guess that's what I get for never going home. I haven't seen my friends who still live there in three years, but I think the friend I miss the most is my dog Leo. I feel so sad that I don't have him here with me, but I hope one day he'll make the trip. I don't know how, but I hope so. 

Other than that, my life is here now. I have better friends, a nice relationship which isn't anything too serious. Simon is nice, and takes care of me, and I take care of him. We don't spend everyday together, and we don't say 'I love you.' 

But that's how I like it.

I've never been one for commitment anyways. 

I'm doing well in school and hopefully a year from now I'll have my communications degree. Don't ask me exactly what I'm going to do with that, because I don't know. 

But I've become a 'cross that bridge when I get there' kind of person. 

I sighed, looking out into the water, listening to the waves crashing and the birds flying over our heads. The pleasant sound of the wind, and the branches of the trees clashing together as they blowed calmly with the air around them. 

I'm living the dream right now.

Yet, I'm never quite content or happy. 

But that isn't what I'm looking for anyways. 

I'm okay just being okay, I think. And I love California. It's a great place to live, and to be young and party in. And I wouldn't want to be anywhere else, or with anyone else. 

I sighed again, closing my eyes and feeling myself get high from the weed I've been smoking. 

Nothing a little sativa can't fix.

***