I quickly shook off those thoughts, and just enjoyed the moment and the company. After eating those yummy tacos, we walked home and all got comfortable and knocked out after a long day of school and travel. We were up bright and early the next morning after having such a relaxing night. All of us walked to the pier together, but split off into two groups; Minho, Jisung and Lix left to the beach to film the last scene of their project, while Hyunjin, Seungmin, Jeongin, and I headed to the cute cafe I saw last night. We sat at a long table next to a large window, with our laptops and notebooks out, grinding on whatever work we had to get done for the weekend. Hyunjin sat across from me, highlighting and annotating the book he was reading for his Western Literature course, while next to him Seungmin was reviewing his biology notes with Jeongin, who sat next to me. I spent the first two hours at the cafe sipping on an iced americano while finishing up my European history paper that's due next week. Our semester is coming to an end in the coming weeks, so the pressure is on, but that also means that we have the holidays to look forward to and spend together.
I sighed loud, removing my headphones, "Done."
"Done with the paper already?" Hyunjin asks, keeping his head down in his book.
"Yeah, only took me four hours, but I think I did a good job." I closed my laptop and looked out of the window. There are families exploring the lazy pier, people slowly flowing in and out of the shops, basking in the sun and enjoying the beautiful day outside that it is, "Do you guys want to take a break and go on a walk?"
"Yes!" Jeongin immediately turns to me with a smile that lights up his entire face.
"No, you're not going" Seungmin tells him, "you're gonna fail this final." Seungmin has been running through his massive stack of flashcards, quizzing Jeongin on cell organs and cycles that he needs to have memorized.
"You're no fun," Jeongin frowns at Seungmin.
"You're not smart," Seungmin spits back.
"Stella! He's being mean to me!" he tugs on my black cardigan.
"Seungmin, stop. Jeongin, focus." I say pointing at each.
"Okay," Hyunjin suddenly snaps his book closed, and lets out a big tired breath, "Stella, let's go."
Hyunjin and I walk along the strip slowly in silence. The atmosphere alone is enough to enjoy, the slight cold breeze combing my hair, and the sunlight warming me up just the right amount. Even though it's winter, my sweater and the sunlight is enough to even out the cold. I look around at everyone around us enjoying their days, it's heartwarming. But Hyunjin just looks straight forward, not focusing on anything in particular. He doesn't say or do anything, but I can feel the weight of his heart through the air between us.
"What are you thinking about?" I ask, still looking around. I'm greeted with silence, he doesn't say a word. I look up at him next to me, "What's wrong?"
He looks off to the side away from me for a couple seconds, then down in front of him, "I don't know." He's concentrated, conflicted and upset about what's in his mind, "I don't have any right to feel the way I do."
"Well," I start, but he cuts me off.
"I like someone," he brings his head up, looking forward again, "but she's in a relationship."
I press my lips together. Poor boy, I know that has to ache real bad.
"So I don't know. I don't know what to do, or how to stop liking her."
"You don't have to,"
"But that's wrong," he stops walking and faces me, hands in the pockets of this jacket, "I can't have feelings for someone that's unavailable, that's wrong."
"But having feelings for someone isn't something you can control. Having the ability to love isn't wrong."
"But when you love someone who can't love you back, what's the point?"
"What's the point?! It's a privilege to love and feel so deeply drawn to someone! Even if it's unrequited, the intense emotions you experience out of so much care for someone is such a beautiful experience-"
"Stella, I know that. Of course I know that. It just," he walks forward, leaving me behind, "It just sucks"
I catch up next to him and we walk forward slowly, "I know."
He laughs under his breath, as if he doesn't believe me.
"No, I know. You're stuck, and everything just bottles up inside of you. But you can't let it explode out. So you just keep filling up with it. More and more and more, and eventually the pressure becomes unbearable. It starts seeping out, but again you're stuck. Every time it seeps out, it just hurts you even more. And it only gets worse. There's no way to make it better. So you just have to endure it."
"Who?" He turns to me, stopping again.
"What?" I turn to him too.
"Who is it?"
I stick out my chin and draw my eyebrows together, clueless.
"Who is making you feel like this?"
Oh fuck. I open my mouth to talk, but nothing comes out.
He breaks out in a smug smile.
"No, no one," I shake out of it, "My cousin, she's going through something like this. She's been calling me and ranting to me everyday, so I just understand. I get it."
"Right. Okay Stella."
"This is about you. Not me." I poke his shoulder, signaling him to back off.
We continue and I just let the awkward silence take over.
"It's okay to feel the way you feel, Stella," He says as we start on our way back to the cafe, "I hope you get to experience a fulfilling love. You deserve it."
"You too."
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
Author's Note:
hiiiiiiii everyone!!! so so so sorry for the late update, i had this crazy long coding project due this week (i cannot code for my life), but we survived!!!! also sorry for the sort of short/filler chapter! but TRUSTTTTT good stuff is coming....... ill try to update in the next day or so, so i dont keep you waiting again. thank you guys so so much for continuing to read! it literally makes me so happy when i see my reads go up by just one number. remember to vote, comment, and share with your friends! i hope you have a beautiful day! (don't let the yearing get to you!!! sorry for projecting LMFAO but if you are a yearner, i hope u feel heard LOL let's romanticize it at least)
(also just thought i'd clarify,,, the girl hyunjin is talking about in this chapter, is NOOTTTTT ELLA! dont worry guys)
see you soon!
- L <3
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ache | lee felix
FanficFelix and Stella have been best friends since they were kids. But during their senior year of high school, Stella lies to cover up her all-consuming feelings for Felix. Spending their last year contemplating their futures and trying to enjoy their t...
