FANSERVICE PARADOX || w o o s a n ||

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At almost midnight, Wooyoung is the only one in the practice room. Almost all lights are turned off, leaving one circle of white drown him in light as he starts the choreography once again. There is no music in the background and the only sounds coming from the room are his rapid footsteps and his heavy breaths. His lungs are on fire, his arms feel heavy, his legs are on the brick of failing him too, but somehow, he doesn't feel like stopping at all. His bangs are glued all over his wet forehead, drops of sweat sliding down his neck and disappearing behind his damp shirt. He's exhausted, dead on the inside once again and he hates it so fucking much. The cycle starts once again, as if it is a tradition at this point to be at his lowest point when a comeback is near. He doesn't eat much, doesn't feel like doing anything, he barely talks to people and only accepts Yeosang's and San's company these days, but he refuses to tell his flat mate about his problems. They aren't that close yet and despite these past few weeks being actually good, getting to know him and having the realization of his life that they are way similar than he ever thought they'd be, like two rain drops falling towards the ground, almost identical to each other.

He feels nice around San and the more they talk and spend their nights in each other's presence on the couch from their living room just chatting about life or about their past, Wooyoung grows more and more attached to the man. He never thought he could have someone else except for Yeosang to feel this kind of attachment, like just the thought of them not talking at one point in their lives would shatter his heart and break it in pieces. He feels that way with Yeosang, but these days, it's as if San just manages to get into his head and make his feelings more complicated. And so, once again, his mind is filled with San and maybe because of the sudden distraction and also the fatigue he feels in his whole body, Wooyoung simply misses one step which leads him face forward on the floor.

He hisses in pain, resting his cheek over the cold and dirty wooden surface while his hands are splayed on each side of his body. His eyes look through the mirror and he breathes heavily and with speed. Everything hurts, his legs, knees, where he hit them while falling, his elbows and arms, his chest... He doesn't even know if he can get up. A heavy sigh leaves his lips and he just stares at his own reflection in the mirror. Why can't he ever get better? Why don't his meds work once again and why does he feel like he has to change them again? It's tiring, to have to keep dealing with it for so many years and nothing feels like working anymore.

The door opens softly and Wooyoung sees a tall and slim figure enter the dim lit room. He suddenly feels like crying.

Yeosang closes it behind and sighs loudly when he sees him. He's noticed the change in his behavior quite quickly and as much as Wooyoung tried to pretend, because he felt selfish to just burden him with his usual problems once again when their comeback was in three weeks, there was no way in hell Yeosang wouldn't notice. And he did and in that night he saw him crying after practice, he insisted he spent the night upstairs. Wooyoung felt bad, even worse than other times, mostly because he knew how much it hurt Yeosang to see him like that, how much it hurt knowing he could do nothing to help. And as for San, he just hoped he didn't think too much about it. He didn't bring it up at all and Wooyoung prayed he was as good at acting as he knew he was and except for Yeosang, none of them noticed his red eyes that night.

"It's almost one." His best friend speaks in a soft tone as he approaches him lightly, his shoes barely making a sound on the wood underneath.

Wooyoung hums in response. The little energy he had in him five minutes ago drained completely out of him. Yeosang crouches down in his left and pushes some damp strand of black hair out of his eyes and forehead.

"Did you take your meds today?" His voice trembles a little and he tilts his head to see him better.

"No." His voices comes out as a whisper.