FANSERVICE PARADOX || w o o s a n ||

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San wakes up in the middle of the couch. The sun is already shining outside, sign it must be somewhere around eight. He's quite surprised he managed to fall asleep even if his eyes started growing heavier barely around five. He didn't want to keep Wooyoung up the whole night, so when he saw it was close to three, he lied saying he got sleepy. If it was up to him, he would have talked to him until now, but this idea would have been way too selfish of him. He sighs lightly and looks up at the ceiling. He's been acting weirder and weirder ever since that night and a really big part of him wants to punch himself in the face until he wakes up from this weird and long dream.

He didn't tell Yunho or Mingi about it yet, he was too scared to see their reaction. Actually, if it were up to him, he wouldn't have even managed to hold a proper conversation with Wooyoung if it weren't for Yeosang and his insistent words. He's glad they talked it out though, moved past it, at least the younger seems like he did. San is still freaking out internally on most days. How could he get drunk and be this reckless? Things could have ended up so much worse, they could have stopped talking, they could have started avoiding each other, they could have moved out of this apartment, the rest of four members would have found out as well.

"You're so fucking dumb." He whispers to himself and sits up. The apartment feels very empty for some reason, he doesn't like it at all.

But he's been thinking about it, a lot actually, to his painful realization. In that particular moment, it just felt right to start complimenting him while being drunk. It felt illegal to stay there and look at him without saying nothing and his heart was such a swirl of emotions he shouldn't have felt in the first place. Wooyoung looked so fucking perfect in that very moment and the whole night he's been very out of it. His face warms up when he remembers how jealous he got when he saw Mingi starting to get flirty with him. The way the pink haired man looked down at Wooyoung, whose head was resting on his lap while the older ran his fingers through his hair gently, simply made his blood boil. That's why he chose to get out of there in the first place, to clear his head. He expected to stay alone for quite a while, but the younger suddenly showed up next to him.

What he remembers vividly is wondering how on earth Wooyoung is even real? The alcohol in his blood must have made him look beyond beautiful, because all he thought while they sat down on the porch was how would it be if he leaned in and kissed the younger.

Truth be told, San accepted the fact he has feelings for the younger. It's a scary thought, especially since they are good friends and the last thing he wants is to lose him due to his own dumb heart which cannot contain itself. Why him of all people? Why did it have to be him? Why did his heart have to choose Wooyoung, why can't he get him out of his head and why does his world suddenly revolve around him? What happened to the old San? Where did he go?

Last time he checked, he was not even thinking of having a relationship any time soon.

His career is what's important to him now and he needs to focus on it not on what his heart feels in this very moment.

Maybe it will go away, someday. He hopes it will.

He starts his morning lazily with a warm mug of coffee. He doesn't feel like doing anything and just thinking that in two days they'll be back in front of the cameras and preparing for their concerts makes his head spin. In a way, it's good they'll be busy again, maybe like this he'll keep his mind away enough so he doesn't think of the situation with Wooyoung too much. Maybe. He's not so sure of it though. He doesn't feel like eating breakfast this morning, which is weird as he always eats his protein oatmeal every single day, but he resumes to his coffee and goes to take a cold shower. It's hot outside, he realizes after he opens the window. Way too hot.

By the time the clock shows it's ten, he is restless. He needs to do something but what?

He could go to the gym, but not alone. He can wake Mingi up and they could go train together, maybe Yunho will join them as well. Yes! That's what he'll do.