FANSERVICE PARADOX || w o o s a n ||

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The aching of a heart must be the biggest pain Yunho has ever felt in his entire life. It's a weird sensation, a combination of suffocation and real pain which has been lingering inside his chest for a whole day now. His fingers clench around the soft fabric of the black t-shirt he is wearing. It's warm inside his bedroom, despite the open window and the cool air coming from outside, it's too warm. The air sits still, like a thick blanket, it sits still, humid and suffocating. It's past ten as well, but since seven, when he stormed inside the shared apartment crying silently, no one has opened the front door. Seonghwa isn't home either, he's most probably with Hongjoong, he isn't sure if Mingi will be discharged either.

A salty tear rolls down his face, traveling down to his ear and then falling down on the pillow underneath. He blinks few times at the ceiling and sighs shakily. He shouldn't have acted this way, he really shouldn't have. He should have told him the truth, not lied to his face like this. It clearly pained Mingi and he is sure that the reaction coming from his best friend was due to feeling betrayed. Yunho would feel betrayed as well, considering they know each other more than just well. If Mingi were to lie to him, he would catch on right away. But in that moment, when he had the younger all to himself, Yunho felt lost, he felt disgusting, to keep on doing this while having feelings for a man who would never reciprocate them. And now he's fucked it up big. He's not even sure if Mingi will talk to him soon. He can already imagine how cold they will turn to each other, how distant they will be.

He thinks back to their conversation in the hospital room. He painfully noticed the way Mingi couldn't even look at him, and his whole body language told him he was at fault for this one. What happened today in the practice room shouldn't have happened in the first place. It's his fault Mingi didn't eat today, it's his fault Mingi overworked himself today, it's his fault an accident happened and Mingi ended up in hospital. He knows he will be discharged either today or tomorrow, but he feels like shit. He indirectly sent him on a break, with a stitched forehead. He's glad San didn't end up there too, because the fall and the impact was painful to watch. The raven haired has been reassuring, he even tried to calm him down when the ambulance arrived and took Mingi, but no soothing words could manage to make him feel better when he knows he's at fault here.

They'll need to talk, soon he hopes, if Mingi wants to. Today, he clearly didn't want to.

He flinches when the sound of the front door reaches his ears. He sits quiet in the dark, as he's left his door wide open to hear better in case someone came home. There are two people inside, that much he makes out from the movements inside the living room and kitchen area. Someone sighs and drops what sounds to be a bag before all lights turn on.

"Thank you." Mingi's voice sounds almost lifeless. Yunho's heart squeezes inside his chest painfully. "I'll call if I feel bad or something."

"Please." Their manager shifts around the kitchen. Yunho sits up and stands there, on the edge of his bed, eyes looking forward to his closet. He can't go to bed not checking in on Mingi once Minhyuk leaves, but he is afraid he'll be pushed away once again. "I put some water in the fridge and the medicine is here. Also, try to eat something, the vitamins they gave you aren't enough."

Mingi sighs loudly.

"Yeah..."

"Take care, eat, go to bed. You'll be off practice for at least a week, if you want me to get you home just tell me, alright?"

"Yeah." Mingi's voice sounds very strained.

"Good." Minhyuk's footsteps lead him back to the hallway. Yunho listens how he puts on his shoes. "Good night."

"Good night."

The front door opens and shuts with a loud thud. They're the only ones inside, but he suddenly feels very afraid to get out of his room. Mingi sighs loudly and walks to his room. Yunho expects to hear the door close behind, but it doesn't. Instead, he hears him wander all the way to the kitchen. He sits five more minutes on the edge of his bed and listens to Mingi as he opens some casserole with food. Only when the smell of fresh food enters his nose does he sit up and walk out of there. Indeed, Mingi is seated at the round table, with some Jajangmyeon in front. He isn't eating, red eyes staring in front not blinking at all, fingers clenched around wooden chopsticks with nothing in between them. They changed his bandage from the hospital to a smaller one which covers the part where he got stiches. He looks exhausted.