Dindin's
RIGHT NOW, Jayjay is probably thinking that something is wrong with me. Hindi ko kasi siya matingnan nang hindi ako naluluha. Last night, he asked me to go to dinner with him, but before I knew it I was sobbing like a little girl and he had to hold me for two hours just because I couldn't stop crying. I kept thinking about the letters he wrote me, how much he said he missed me, and I realized that I missed him so. Si Jayjay ang kaisa – isa kong kaibigan noon.
Paulit – ulit bumabalik si Mama sa ospital noon. Iyong ospital na iyon, katabi niya ang isang bahay ampunan. Doon ko nakilala si Jayjay. He was always near the hospital garden every afternoon and one time while I was on the swing, he dropped by and gave me an ice candy – avocado flavor, that was the start pf our friendship. Hindi lang ako ang naging kaibigan ni Jayjay, pati na rin si Mama. He knew that my mother had a serious sickness, parehas kaming walang ideya noon kung gaano kalala ang cancer ni Mama, but he always made us – her feel better. He makes Mama laugh, and when the pain was too much, he was there to still make her laugh.
Jayjay saved me too. I remember back then, I wanted to swim in the river, it was just after the storm. Malaki ang tubig sa ilog, hindi siya pumapayag, pero dahil matigas ang ulo ko, Jayjay gave in, but he told me that he would try it first to make sure that it is safe but then he drowned. Mabuti na lang at nasundan kami ng isa sa mga janitor ng ospital, nag-alala siya sa aming dalawa kaya nakaligtas si Jayjay. He was hospitalized for a week. Nalagyan ng tubig ang kanyang baka and it was all my fault. I was only eight years old then, but I didn't stop crying. Takot na takot akong baka hindi siya magising, nab aka iwanan niya ako...
"Hindi mo kasi dapat ginawa iyon, Jayjay..." Iyak ako nang iyak habang pinapagalitan ang kagigising na si Jayjay. Masaya ako at ang mga madre dahil gising na siya kaya lang nanghihina pa rin siya. I bit my lower lip.
"Pero... pero dahil doon, hindi ka napahamak." Umubo si Jayjay, lalo akong napaiyak. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. Ayokong nasasaktan si Jayjay.
"Nakakainis ka." Humikbi ako. "Hindi mo dapat ginawa iyon, Jayjay. Hindi... Hindi!"
"Is everything alright with you?" Tanong bigla sa akin ni Jayjay. It was another day; we were having another dinner by the kitchen, but I am not eating at all. I was just looking at him. I cannot believe that Jayjay grew up well. My mom would be thrilled to see him like this. "Nag-aalala na ako. Palagi kang umiiyak. Is school getting to you? Do you want to take a break? I can talk to your professors and just—"
"I'm okay. You've been doing a lot of things for me. You don't have to do anything at all." Mahinang wika ko.
"You're not even eating." Sabi niya sa akin. "Come on, just tell me what's wrong?" Inilapag ni Jayjay ang spoon and fork niya saka tumitig sa akin. Ilang beses akong nagbuntong – hininga. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sasabihin sa kanya na alam ko na. He kept on telling me that he wants to take care of me, that I will never experience any bad things, kaya pala. Ang buong akala ko noon ay may iba rin siyang agenda sa akin. I sighed again.
"I'm just tired." Sabi ko sa kanya. "But I will be eating. Don't worry." Ipinakita ko sa kanya na kumakain ako. Umiling – iling naman si Jayjay. Kung pwede ko nga lang sabihin sa kanya ang totoo, and I want to, pero paano? Paano ko sisimulan?
But whatever it is, buo na ang desisyon kong hinding – hindi ko sasaktan si Jayjay. Hindi ko kukunin sa kanya ang para sa kanya but I will be okay with being his equal. Patutunayan ko sa lahat na karapatdapat ako sa kalahati ng lahat nang para sa kanya. I sighed again.
