Dindin's
"WHAT do you mean?"
"It's my father's birthday and he wants us to have dinner with him. Just the three of us. Ang buong akala ko ay may mag – organize ng party para sa kanya. He used to do that every year but now, I was informed by Mr. Reyes, his assistant that he is requesting my presence in our home tomorrow night, Love. And he wants you there too."
"But why?" Takang – taka ako. The last time I was with him at their home, wala naman kaming napag – usapang maganda o maayos. Dumating lang si Jayjay na galit at wala siyang ibang gustong gawin kundi ang iuwi ako kasi raw hindi ako dapat nandoon. He sighed and wrapped his arms around my waist. We were standing near the glass window looking at the lights around the city. I settled my head on his shoulder and just listened to him.
"We're going. We need to. It is his birthday. Occasionally, pinagbibigyan ko rin siya." There was a hint of amusement on his voice. Napangiti rin naman ako dahil sa narinig ko. He seemed to be fond of our father. I wondered what his reaction would be if I tell him right now that I am my father's daughter and the necklace, he is so proudly wearing now is his father's gift to my mother. Will he accept me? Will he question my judgment?
Most importantly, will he hate me? Humigpit ang pagkakahawak ko sa mga brasong kanina pa nakayakap sa akin. Maybe he sensed that I was thinking too much and he started giving me butterfly kisses on the side of my face. I wanted to belong to him. He has my heart now and I will do everything for him. Naisip ko lang, kung itinuloy ko ang plano ko at hindi ko nalaman na siya pala si Jayjay, siguro nakukuha ko na ang lahat ng gusto ko ngayon. I have him wrapped around my fingers. He is whipped for me and I should be using that to get what I want from him pero hindi. Ayoko. Gusto ko lang na makasama siya.
Alam kong hindi naman siya tuluyang magiging akin. He will be Lauren's husband. They are engaged and I will only be his mistress and when I think about it, I feel okay with that. Basta magkasama kaming dalawa, wala na akong ibang mahihiling pa.
"I love you." I spoke to him.
"I love you too, my love." He kissed my cheek and I had to sigh. This is what I need.
"Your father..." I swallowed. "He knows that we're just roommates, right?"
"Yes. As far as I know magkaibigan lang tayong dalawa sa pagkakaalam niya. But do you want me to tell him the truth?" He asked me. Umiling ako. H'wag na lang. May mga bagay pa akong hindi nasasabi sa kanya – sa kanila at ayoko nang madagdagan iyon.
"So, back to it... we're going to be there. I hope it's okay for you." He kissed me again. I found myself nodding at him. We'll be there and we'll celebrate our father's birthday. Shall I buy him a gift? What kind of gift will you give a person that doesn't know about your existence? Ibigay ko kaya ang litrato ng Mama ko sa kanya? Will he recognize her? Sa totoo lang, minsan ay naiisip ko nab aka hindi nanman talaga ako anak ng tatay ko at mali lang ang impormasyong naibigay ni Mama sa akin.
Maybe she just didn't know what to say to me at that moment that's why she made up something. Maybe she didn't know who my father is, or she just didn't want to break my heart... sometimes I am having doubts. Pero hindi naman siguro siya bibigyan nang mahahaling kuwintas kung hindi naman siya minahal nito. Hindi niya itatago ang larawang iyon na magkasama sila kung hindi naman talaga niya nakilala ang tatay ko.
Should I just stay quiet? This secret about me will ruin everything and I don't want to hurt Jayjay. Siya lang ang pinakaiingatan ko sa lahat. Mahal ko si Jayjay at ayokong masira ang lahat ng pinaghirapan niya. I'll just be anything he needs right now.
