Jayjyay's
"HOW LONG WILL YOU HOLD OUT?"
Noel gave me back my phone. Dindin called and God knows how much I wanted to answer her, to hear her voice. I missed her so much, but I still can't bring myself to talk to her. Hindi pa ako handa. Hindi ko pa alam kung paano siya kakausapin, pero sa kabila ng mga bagay – bagay na nangyayari sa amin ngayon, isa lang ang sigurado, babalik ako sa kanya. I just need time to think about it all.
"I don't know. Thanks, Noel for letting me stay."
"Don't mention it. By the way, I saw her at school today. She looked miserable. Dalawang linggo na, ano bang balak mo?"
"Malapit naman na akong umuwi. May ginagawa lang ako para masiguro na sa isa't isa ang bagsak naming dalawa." Buo na ang desisyon ko, hinding – hindi ko pakakasalan si Lauren. I will never be happy if I married her. Hindi ko alam kung maiintindihan ako ng tatay ko, pero hindi ko talaga isusugo ang sarili ko sa isang sitwasyon na alam kong pagsisishan ko sa huli. I don't care if my father will take away all the things he had given me, all mt privilege and the name he gave me, I don't care, all I want is to be with Dindin and I will make sure that happens.
May sarili naman akong pera. I am investing all my money to the stock market. I have funded two start up companies which are doing well these days. I will make sure that I will have enough funds and resources bago ko kuhanin at balikan si Divina. Sisiguruhin ko na hinding – hindi na siya makakaramdam ng hirap, sisiguruhin kong hindi na siya makikiamot sa kahit na sino. I will give her everything and if that means disobeying the man that raised me I will. It's her and me against the world.
I have talked to my team and asked for financial reports and such para malaman ko kung nasaan ba ang stand ko. My father will never let me do my own thing lalo na at alam niyang hindi iyon makabubuti para sa kompanya pero kailangan kong patunayan sa kanya na maayos akong magpatakbo ng isang kompanya, wala man tulong galing sa pamilya ni Lauren. Hindi naman palugi ang kompanya niya, alam ko rin ang pasikot – sikot nito. I am slowly making my name in the business field, clients know how I work and they want me in their teams because I am the next big thing my father' company will ever experience. Lahat ng ito ay possible kong magawa. After reading all the reports, I realized that I can really do this. Kung nasa 100 per cent ang plano ko, sa ngayon ay nasa 75 per cent na ako. Malayo – layo pa bago ko makuha ang 100 per cent na iyon but at least I am almost there. I sighed. But I needed to talk to my father again after this because I need to tell him that I won't be agreeing with the engagement anymore.
Wala akong ideya kung aware ba siya na may relasyon kaming dalawa ni Dindin. Siguro. Wala naman nakakalampas sa kanya. Ang gusto ko na lang ngayon ay matapos nga ito.
I went to the university after the talk I had with Noel. Wala naman kaming verbal agreement na dalawa basta na lang niya ako palaging binibigyan ng update tungkol kay Dindin – na siyang ipinagpapasalamat ko. Wala akong ibang magawa kundi ang panoorin si Dindin mula sa malayo. I could see her pain and her sadness, and I kept telling myself that I will be coming home, kung ako nga lang ang masusunod, ay hindi naman ako aalis. I just needed to breathe. Hindi nagbago ang pagmamahal ko para sa kanya.
I attended the lecture but my mind wasn't in it at all. Iniisip ko si Dindin. Kung kumain na ba siya. I can text her and ask her but that would be too much – hindi ko rin alam kung bakit too much ito para sa akin. I feel like whenever I am depriving myself from her, things will be worth it. Worth it naman si Dindin. Siya ang kapalit ng lahat ng ito kaya worth it.
After the lecture, I was walking down the corridor. May mga bumabati sa akin, may mga nakikipag – usap pero tulad ng dati ay wala ako sa mood na makaipag – socialize. I am missing Dindin and I really want to go home – now.
