Dindin's
JACOB is looking at me intently that morning. Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyayari, may nasabi baa ko sa kanya? Hindi naman siguro niya nahalata na talagang nagtampo ako noong bigla na lang niyang tapusin ang tawag kagabi. He didn't even say goodbye, tampong – tampo talaga ako but when I woke this morning and I found myself in his arms, lahat ng tampo ko ay nawala. He's here. He came home. I don't care why he ended the call last night, he's here with me. He came home to me.
Mas nauna akong nagising kaysa sa kanya kaya nagpasya akong matulog na lang muli. I even nuzzled him closer para nakabaon ang mukha ko sa leeg niya. The second time that I woke up, he's not in the bed anymore. Akala ko ay nananaginip lang ako pero narinig ko ang mga yabag sa living area kaya dali – dali akong lumabas. I saw him preparing breakfast for us. Hindi mawala ang ngiti ko habang nakatingin ako kay Jayjay. Ang gwapo niya with his Versace terno pajamas. Siguro ay naramdaman niyang nakatingin ako sa kanya kaya bigla siyang humarap sa akin para i-spread ang kanyang mga kamay, one indication that he wants a hug. Agad naman akong tumakbo palapit sa kanya. He's really here! He came home to me.
"Happy birthday!" Wika ko habang yakap – yakap siya. I felt Jayjay's hand on my waist, he pulled me closer. I felt him kissing the top of my head, nang matapos siya ay tiningala ko siya. Siguro ay nagniningning ang mga mata ko ngayon dahil nakikita ko siya, siguro ay mukha akong asong tuwang – tuwang umuwi ang amo niya. Ganoon kasi ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. I am just so glad that Jayjay came home last night. Maybe like me, he wanted to see me too. Maybe he really wanted to spend his birthday with me. I'm glad that he feels that way.
"Thank you, babe." Hinagkan niyang muli ang noo ko. He kept on kissing the top of my head, my forehead, my temple, hindi rin taliwas sa akin na unti – unting humihigpit ang yakap niya sa akin. I feel like he wanted to tell me something – maybe he would like to confess? Ang feeling ko naman. Wala naman kaming relasyon at kahit kailan ay hindi kami magkakaroon ng relasyon kasi wala naman talaga. He is engaged to be married. Hindi kami bagay na dalawa. Hindi kami magiging isa dahil kahit kailan ay hindi ako babagay sa mundo niya.
Hindi naman ako ganoon kasama. I would just like to be his equal. I can never hurt him, I'd rather hurt myself than him. Kung noong una, ang tanging gusto ko ay kamuhian siya at saktan, things have changed, He is my Jayjay and I can never hurt him.
"Oh right..." I heard him chuckle. "I made some pancakes for you. Are you hungry?" He made me look at him. There is such care in his eyes. Hindi ko siya sinagot, instead I nuzzled against his chest and take in all his scent. This is where I want to be. I don 't want to let go of him and I wish he never lets me go.
"Babe, you need to eat. Lalabas tayo ngayon." He said to me again.
"Where are we going? Can we stay like this? We can go out later."
"It's my birthday." He reminded me. "Kahit yesterday pa iyon, birthday ko pa rin. I'll treat you."
"Hmmm, okay. I want to watch a movie." Sabi ko na lang sa kanya.
"Done. But you need to eat." Sabi niyang muli sa akin. I kissed his cheek and the went to the kitchen to eat. Sumunod naman siya sa akin. Tumabi sa akin at pinanood akong kumain. I just feel so comfortable with him hear. I love him so much that I am willing to do everything for him to keep me. No matter what it takes.
xxxx
JAYJAY and I ended up going to a theme park. Tinatanong niya kasi ako kung ano raw ang gusto kong panooring movie pero wala akong maisip. Gusto ko lang talaga siyang makasama ngayong araw na ito. Wala na akong pakialam kung may makakikita sa among dalawa habang nasa labas kaming dalawa. Pinag – uusapan na lang din naman kaming dalawa sa Uni, then so be it. I don't know if Jayjay knows about it, kung oo, hindi namin napag – uusapan. Saka what's there to talk about? As long as we are here and we are together, I am contented.
