Destined to be?

Chapter 20

Sarah

This seemed like a much better plan when I first thought of it.
Now here I was pacing back and forth on my floor as I kept glancing down at the two words that seemed to take up my entire screen.
'I'm here'
Why oh why did I do this?
I could have just left this all alone.
I've already tried that.
Gripping the device tighter.
I needed to do this.
For me.
For my life.
I needed to snap the line that connected me to you and you to me.
I am going to once and for all end this between us.
Whatever this was.
After tonight I am no longer going to be thinking about you ever again.
I am going to make myself happy with Brayden. I am going to go to college and have a great time. I am going to figure out what I want to do.
None of that was going to involve you in any way shape or form.
This is crazy.
I was going to leave my house in the middle of the night to go tell my former kidnapper to stay out of my life.
What if you decided that you didn't like that plan? You could very well take me away again.
Though for some reason I felt that you wouldn't.
You knew how hard it was for me and my family the first time. I don't think that you would put me through that again.
You never wanted to hurt me.
That, if you were to age me away again, I don't think that I would ever be able to forgive you for that.
Knowing that I still haven't forgiven you for the first time. The only time. What was I saying!?
This is ridiculous.
Hitting my screen, making it light up as I tapped the new app that I had downloaded just for this. One that was completely free to use and allowed anyone the ability to text someone else from a number that was not directly linked to their own.
It's been over ten minutes since you sent that last text.
Peering out my window even though I knew that I would not be able to see your truck from here I could barely see past the light post.
If i didn't do this now then i never will.
This was what needed to happen.
This is the only way I will ever be able to move on.
Exiting out of the app before i hit the button letting my phone go dark, placing it on my nightstand.
Bringing my phone with me on fro-yo trips was one thing. I could explain that if I ever needed to. Apologize for not asking for permission to leave the house alone.
At least that was during the day and a total normal thing to do.
This on the other hand was a completely idiotic plan.
Besides, I'm pretty sure they had a tracking device built into this thing before they ever even gave it to me. Of course, they would need a reason to look into my whereabouts which is why I have always been so careful in the past to not raise any suspicion.
My parents trusted me even though there were a multitude of reasons for them not to.
Number one was that I have lied over and over again to keep my kidnapper safe.
There was no way I could explain leaving the house in the dark of the night, so the better option would be to just leave my phone here.
With that decision made I slowly began to open my bedroom door only wide enough so that I could slip through. Very carefully turning the knob until the latch was fully in place.
I could hear the sounds of two sets of snoring coming from down the hall and I knew that I was safe.
Finding one good reason to have two parents who snores sound like yard machines on their last bit of juice.
Making my way down stairs and out the back gate with ease.
Thankful that the air out tonight was actually pretty warm. The wind held a slight chill that bit at my cheeks as I walked down the sidewalk. Though my light jacket I had thrown on was plenty good to keep me placated.
Fidgeting with the zipper as I came closer to the light.
Nerves beginning to take over.
A bitter taste filled my taste buds as the fear began to build.
I haven't been back over here since that morning.
That morning that the cloth pressed over my face and I was dragged backwards as the world began to spin then fade away into darkness.
Swallowing nothing but air, I forced myself to continue on.
Avoiding walking under the light completely.
Letting the shadows of the night camouflage my body as I turn the corner.
Seeing your truck at the end of the alley. The same spot you had told me it had been when you took me away.
Just sitting there, headlights off. The engine was on it and it was so quiet. No wonder there were never any reports of your truck. The noise was so low that it wouldn't have bothered anyone let alone woken them up.
Ignoring your smile and wave as I walked around to the passenger door, not surprised to find it unlocked as I jumped up into the seat with ease.
"Hello, beau…."
Holding up my hand halting your words pointing ahead of us at the same time.
"Drive."
Without question I watched as you moved the gear shift and you moved both of your feet.
So this was a standard truck.
Focusing on your hand shifting the knob again as the truck began to go faster. By the time I looked up again we were already out of my neighborhood and on the main road.
"Where to?"
Glancing over at me but making sure to keep an eye on the road.
"Pull over into that parking lot."
Motioning to the mostly empty lot where the only thing that still seemed to be open was a twenty four hour laundry mat.
Only the overhead lamp post spread over the parking lot and the insanely bright fluorescents of the laundry facility gave any light to the parking lot at all.
Parking the truck in one of the spots in the middle of the lot, keeping the engine running.
Warm air blew out from the vents yet I still felt the chill seeping through the door from outside.
"Are you ok Sarah?"
Rolling my eyes as I let out a huff even though your question had held genuine concern. The audacity that you had to ask me that.
"No! No, I'm not ok. Seriously."
"What's wrong?" Asking as he unbuckled his seat belt and turned his body to face mine. Having to bend one of his long legs over the center console just so he could fit.
What a loaded that question was. Of course we didn't have nearly enough time for me to go over every single thing. We would be here for over a week and I still would probably need more time.
"I need you out of my life. That's what's wrong with me, Eli."
"I have been out of your life." You stated plainly. "I gave you space until I couldn't stand the thought of being away from you any longer."
"That's just it. You haven't stayed away, you came back."
"Sarah, I."
"You never left me Eli. I never got away from you. I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried. You consume my every thought. You have been with me every single day and I need you gone. I need you out of my head, out of my life. I need you to tell me that you will let me go so that I can finally move on with my life because I can't keep on living like this. Eli, I can't."
Rough collapsed fingers running under my chin, willing my head to turn to you but I couldn't. I wouldnt look at you.
Yanking my head away as I stare out the window seeing a hint of my reflection and the tears sliding down my cheeks.
This was not how this was supposed to go.
I was supposed to be strong and brave. I was supposed to look you dead in the eye and demand this of you and yet.
Here I was a crying mess.
"Sarah, come here." Shaking my head no as i pulled away from your touch glad I had on layers of clothing so i couldn't feel your touch.
"Sarah."
"Tell me that I'm free of you so that I can live my life." I try again only this time my words come out choppy and tear strained.
Why am I such a mess?
Feeling the truck rock slightly as I heard the driver door open.
Not sure what was happening until I saw you coming into view.
Hurriedly I reached out for the lock button. Just as my fingers grazed the button my door pulled open and there you were towering over me.
"Look at me Sarah."
"No." Hastily shaking my head as I lowered my sight to the plastered parking lot seeing bits that had been more worn down then other, pieces crumbling away.
"Go away. I need you to go away."
"I'm not going to do that Sarah and I'm not going to tell you that I'm going to let you go either because that would be a lie. I told you a long time ago that I would never lie to you and I never have. I'm not going to start now."
"Please." Even I could hear how broken my voice was. Of course you weren't going to respect my decision when I was falling apart right in front of you.
"No."
"Then take me home!" I practically scream, turning away facing the dashboard again.
"Which one?" You stated bluntly.
"What?" Confusion twisting together with my already out of control emotions.
"Yours or ours. If it's my choice then I'm sure you know which one I'm going to choose."
The blatant question stumped me and I stayed quiet not giving you any answer at all.
Again I felt calloused fingers slide under my chin only this time when I tried to pull away you had placed your entire hand into my cheek sending a blaze of buzzing warmth across my skin.
Your thumb slowly moved back and forth on my cheek, most likely rubbing away the tear stains that had run down my face.
So badly I wanted to press myself further into your open palm but I wouldn't let myself. That would only misconstrue what I had asked for.
Yet I didn't pull away either.
"You live in my head too. Every single day that you've been gone the only things that have kept me going were my thoughts of you. I would go over in my mind what I thought you would be doing or how you were feeling. I can't turn a corner in our house without hoping that you will be there. Cant cook in my kitchen without imagining you sitting on the counter. Can't sleep in my bed because without you it feels empty. You have been my only thought since that first day I saw you. It wasn't possible for me to stop thinking about you and I've never stopped. Everyday you're on my mind, you're the first thing I think about when I wake up. So many moments my mind has wanted me to believe that you were there, asleep next to me. Those are the best and worst times of my day because I eventually come to the reality where you aren't there and it kills me every time. You are my everything, Sarah. My whole world and I'm not going to let you go. I'm not. I refuse to let you go. I would do anything for you but please im begging you. Please don't ask me to do this because I can't."
How?
How did you always know what to say to me? To make my heart yearn for you to make me question myself.
Second guessing what I actually wanted.
Knowing that I've never wanted for anything more than to just wrap my arms around you in this moment and hold you close. To have your body pressed against mine, giving me that sense of belonging and security that I have never gotten from Brayden.
That's what I really craved. What ive been missing all this time.
Here it was.
Right in front of me and I was trying to push it away.
I wanted to throw it out of my life for good.
I had been so sure that's what i wanted before but now.
Now I know I couldn't have been more wrong.