Destined to be?

Chapter 43

Sarah

I loved all my friends but they could be exhausting.
Sometimes I wished that college orientation would start sooner just so I could catch a break. Not to get me wrong I loved them and i didnt want them to leave but even still.
Plus if it wasn't for my quick thinking at the park today I'm not even sure what would have happened.
I had quickly switched the tabs, glad that the other one was still open.
When I showed them the picture of the dog cloud every single one of them lost interest in what I was doing, no longer wondering why I was giggling at my phone.
Something that I have not done for a very long time.
It felt nice.
Having someone to talk to that knew, well that knew me. Sometimes even better than I knew myself.
You had a way of doing that.
Was it just with me or could you do that with everyone?
a talent that you picked up living on the streets and having to survive, to know when you could trust someone or when you needed to avoid them.
After your father I'm sure that your trust in people wasn't great but at least that was one thing that I guess I could say that he taught you.
Though I would have rather him actually have been a good dad and taught you more valuable life lessons instead of the meat up ones that your mother who was dealing with an illness taught you. Would have rather that both your mom and dad were better parents.
I hadn't been sure that you were at the park when I was there but it's like I felt your presence. Just like I had a handful of other times that my friends and I had gone, which was probably why I kept on suggesting that the park was a good idea.
I liked knowing that I could be near you. Even when I couldn't be with you.
Not yet at least.
More time that I spend on thinking about us getting together for real the more crazy it sounds but it also makes me realize just how much that I want it to work out.
In the beginning with Brayden I had moments where I was so happy to just see him or talk to him but as time went on I had realized that I never really thought of him in any other way than just someone that I liked to hang out with.
Now with you that's all I could think about.
Being close to you, your touch.
Kisses that I absolutely got lost in.
Something that I tried to do with Brayden, on multiple occasions.
So it's not like I didn't try but they weren't bad either. If i hadn't had anything to compare them to i suppose that they would have been fine. I most likely would have just passed them off as awkward first time moments.
But my mind always wondered back to you and considering that it never really had to wander far.
One thing that I would absolutely love to do is talk to someone about this. Even though I know that anyone I did ask would tell me that I should one hundred thugs and percent tell me to not go through with this. Of course they wouldn't blame me either, all the blame would be on you and I would just be labeled as the victim.
The only thing was even if every single person in this world told me no I would still want you.
That was the truth, no matter how messed up that was.
I acknowledged that, I wasn't going to lie to myself but ignoring how wrong this was.
If I learned one thing from everything that has happened, it's that the world is not simple.
Nothing is just black and white. They may have been on the ends of the spectrum but then there was every possible color in between.
This is my life.
One that I once thought that I had figured out until I realized that I wasn't even anywhere near close to knowing what that would be.
For a time I thought that I could just figure my life out when I got into college and go from there. That the hardest decision that I was going to have to make was going to be which school I chose.
Shaking my head at how naive I was, also sensing a bit of loss for the girl that disappeared at the bus stop that morning.
Just another piece of myself that has fragmented away.
All the lies I have told, building up inside. Soon enough I am going to need to build a bigger wall to keep them all in.
Something that I am hoping that you can help me with.
You being the only person that knew what happened.
Maybe that's what I really wanted.
Someone that I can talk to.
You were a great listener.
Just one of your many great qualities.
That side of the list was getting long. An invisible list that I made up inside of my head.
Pros were fifty times the amount of what the cons were.
Those were just that you had stolen me, locked me in a basement, chained me like a dog. Even though I don't think that you have ever told me a lie, I had no way of knowing if they were actual truths or half truths or even partial truths.
One thing that I knew was that a lie could be a truth if it was spun the right way.
I guess that last one was something that I would have to put on everyone's cons list.
For the last two hours since I told my parents I was going to bed I have been scrolling through all of my photos to find the right one that i could send to you.
Surprised by just how many there were. I knew that I took a lot but this was an insane amount.
So many options.
Considering which one you might like the best.
There were plenty of flowers and random animals that I have come across.
Some were of just random things like a chip bag stuck in a vending machine.
For some reason I kept on coming to the pictures that I have taken that capture damage.
not really sure why.
They were just cracks running through the walls or bricks that had been smashed out, even just random cracks in the sidewalk.
When i looked at them I knew that most would say that these spots would be in need of repair to fix the damage.
Damage that came from just everyday life.
To think that something as hard as concrete could crack made me feel a little bit better inside.
Something that was built to last, that had its own purpose, could be broken.
Cracks, unique to each and every place. No two, the same.
Some were worse off than others, showing more damage while others were just the tiniest of fractures.
Deciding that was not going to be the best thing to send, I continued working through the whole album. Scanning multiple pictures in unison knowing that the right one would eventually jump out.
Eventually.
Wanting to find the 'right' one.
Then remembering how I told you about the birdhouse I had built because I wanted to see what all you had to put in when you built things.
Swiping back up knowing that I had taken one shortly after I hung the wooden structure up in the tree.
A dark picture with bubbles of light caught my attention and it took me a second to realize what it was.
Opening the picture, making it larger, seeing the lights that Brayden had put up in the tree in my backyard when he had asked me to prom.
Remember thinking how pretty the stars looked through the branches of the tree.
In this picture the birdhouse was off to the side. I don't even think that I had meant to get it into the picture but there it was looking as if it was floating along the leaves as if it was some mystical fairy house.
How great the views would be from inside there.
This.
This was the photo without a doubt.
Not even realizing the time until after I sent the message seeing that it was already well past midnight.
Had I really been looking through pictures that long?
Apparently.
Still I wasn't the least bit tired.
There was nothing I had to wake up early in the morning for and there were no definite plans made for tomorrow so I could sleep in without worry.
Getting comfortable in my window seat, tipping my head up so i can watch the stars shine so brightly in the clear night sky.