Destined to be?

Chapter 47

Sarah

The date went better than I expected.
Glad that amara had listened to me about taking the furthest seat away. Not sure that she would, considering how nosy she could be sometimes.
If she had overheard our conversation that would have been.
Well.
I'm glad that she gave me space.
Not only because we were talking about things that for me technically I should have no recollection of, but because you and I actually had a moment where the two of us admitted some things that I'm sure we both have been thinking about since our time together.
You admitted that what you did was wrong and you apologized, which made you less psycho and I was able to admit to you that I would never be able to fully forgive you which made me more human.
Considering the fact that I'm not sure any human would ever be able to forgive someone else fully after having gone through something as traumatic and life altering as what you did to me. Most of them would have turned you in the second they got the chance.
Which is why I said more human because I'm still not fully certain that the wires in my brain didn't get crossed while I was trapped down in that basement.
I mean I'm dating my kidnapper, that should be a clue in itself.
Which is why I'm asking myself for the billionth time if I'm doing the right thing.
Considering that the cons side of the list is tremendously long, that's probably not the best chart to go by and probably why I keep using the quote 'what they don't know can't hurt them'.
Of course when the date finished amara had to know every single detail about what we talked about and what all you did and liked and of course if you were a model or not.
All in which i just gave her the basic details.
How old you were which was her first question and honestly one of mine as well since I hadn't known before either.
You were twenty four. Which means that you are six years older than me. Which was not a lot but it felt like a lot.
That you build furniture and that you do repair work on houses and take on the menial jobs that need to be done. Which she absolutely swooned over saying that you were mr.fix it and how much muscle you would have to have to do all that. That was nothing compared to when I told her that you draw. It was like I told her that you could bring images to life. Which with the detail you put into your sketches wasn't far off.
She started talking about how you were good with your hands and with work like that you could be a fancy architect and make a lot of money by day and the quiet artist selling his prints by night.
Already she seemed to have a whole storyline built up about you inside her head but at least she dumped the model idea.
One that I was slowly becoming more apt to.
Wondering just how your features would pop out in a frozen moment of time.
Would your face be just as readable as i've come to know it in person or would the still portrait have a different emotion?
Would the camera catch the glisten in your eyes when you looked at me? Or was that look for me and me alone?
I haven't told my parents about the date yet. Past or the one that was happening today.
Neither has amara.
I still think that she is figuring out whether or not she actually likes the two of us together or not and if she actually trusts you.
After all, she is leaving in just a couple of weeks.
Maybe she's hoping that you will be my person like how she wanted Brayden to be my person. Someone that I can spend my time with when she couldn't be around so that i wouldn't be alone.
I know more than anything that the fact of her leaving and that I'm staying is killing her.
Last time this happened it wasn't by choice and we lost a lot of time together.
This time it also wasn't fully by choice because she would pack me up in one of her suitcases if I would let her.
Truth be told.
If i hadn't gone missing then she never would have picked criminology as her major and wouldn't be moving so far away. More so, would be that I would have stayed in the higher level courses and graduated at the top of my class and would have picked whichever school would have given me a full scholarship and she would have followed suit.
I don't think that you are aware just how much you altered my timeline when you decided to interject yourself into my life.
If you never happened then I would be packing up boxes and excitedly talking to amara about what all we were going to do over the semester and all the clubs that we could join and wishing that we would get roomed up together.
Now here i am preparing myself for the fact that my best friend will be leaving soon and the only way we will be able to hang out is over a phone call.
Reminding myself that it was my decision to not go to college and I very well could have applied to the same school and would have probably gotten in but that i had come to the conclusion that i needed a break from school.
Still.
That thought process would never have been on my mind if what happened didn't actually happen.
So I am putting some of the blame on you.
Just because that makes me feel a little bit better and because I knew you wouldn't mind.
Hitting my screen on my phone making the display light up so that i could check the time but also so i could see the picture that i had made my Lock Screen wallpaper.
It was one that i took awhile back of a dad and his daughter looking over the railing while i was at the mall. Even though i had made it into black and white i still knew that the dress the little girl was wearing was light pink and her hair was a bundle of strawberry blonde ringlets with ribbons that matched her outfit. As for the dad, he was wearing a suite, dark gray so the coloring was pretty much the same with one hand in his pocket and the other holding his daughter's hand.
I think that the reason i had decided to remove the color was because to me they looked out of place amongst all the rest of the blue jeans and shorts and t-shirts that everyone else was wearing. Changing the filter on the picture almost made it look as if it was taken in another time period. If the up to date advertisements signs and the other people in the shot could be overlooked.
This was the picture that had caught your eye.
I saw the look on your face change, become softer as you peered at the interaction between the two of them.
Was it because they showed genuine care for each other, how they showed love just by holding hands? Or was it something else? Were you thinking about what it would be like to have a daughter who clung onto your hand like she had been in the photo?
Honestly. I think that you would be a great dad. With how much care you have for me I could only imagine how much you would have for your own child.
Would you even want kids?
More importantly, do I even want kids?
Imagining having little half clones running around, crying, needing constant care and attention, saying their first words, taking their first steps. All the messes they would make, watching them grow and play and live their lives.
That wouldn't be so bad.
As long as I had someone by my side to help and be their with me along the way.
It would just be the worry that I know would always be hovering in the background. My guard that would constantly be up to make sure that they were okay and safe. Not just because I knew I would fall apart if my child disappeared but also because anything could happen. They could choke on a piece of a crayon or fall the wrong way and break a bone or a billion other things.
But I suppose all of that was just part of what came with being a parent.
Love and worry side by side.
Then again maybe that was just part of life in its entirety.