Destined to be?

Chapter 53

Epilogue

Sarah

One year later

I cannot believe how fast this year has already gone.
In just one week amara is going to be going back off to school even though it feels like she just got back.
We have been pretty inseparable since talking about everything that's happened to us during the past months. Of course we were already caught up for the most part. It's just that some things are better told in person.
I have missed her and her overly used hand motions as she tells a story, which she was using right now as everyone of us sat at the table for lunch.
Your hand resting on my thigh, goosebumps as your thumb moved around in circles on my skin.
Brayden had taken an internship at a local rehab center so he wasn't able to make it back this summer but all the rest of the people that I loved were right here at this table.
Both of my parents loved you.
Dad loved having someone to swap recipes with and you somehow also managed to talk him into learning woodwork as well. Now there's a couple more bird houses hanging from the tree limbs outside with plants of birdseed for the critters.
They don't seem to mind how they look, which is a good thing.
My first one was still holding together which i was proud of but u have to say the one the i made with you was so much better.
Even mom had taken a crack at making one but she settled on painting them instead.
Which is how the two of you started talking about art and your sketches.
Luckily the sketch book that you had brought over here for her to see only had a couple of pages of my face.
Which she had thought was sweet when she saw them, complimenting the shapes and line work of the hair.
In all honesty it was kind of weird how well you fit into my life.
After that going away party last year I had expected there to be bumps or for things to slip but they never had.
Trying to imagine how different you would have been if you had parents more like mine growing up. Determining which attributes you would have kept or if you would have been a completely different person.
Here you were now, after everything that you had endured.
Normal as ever having lunch with my family and more than that.
You may not have had the best parents growing up and that was being very, VERY, VERY generous but you had mine now and I could tell how much spending any amount of time with them meant to you.
Looking over at your sideways smile as you talked with my dad about how we could further our advertising for your business.
Something that I had taken up going along with you on some jobs to get the before and after pictures for the site i had made you.
Now we are working on an actual website for your business.
Our business, I say smiling to myself.
Even though I wasn't much help with the actual labor and building part I was still doing what I could to actually be useful.
Sliding my fingers between yours feeling that light squeeze that still sent a warm pulse of heat through my muscles and sent the butterflies fluttering in my stomach.
After lunch was over and I had grabbed my camera, we had said goodbye to everyone in order to go off and finish a counter installation job that we had started this morning.
First we had to stop by his house.
A route that i have memorized since we had taken it many times after leaving my house.
Twenty three minutes.
That was about the time that it took for the trip.
About twenty miles that separated our houses.
If that detour sign had never been put up, if you hadn't had a job in that area that day, if i hadn't been outside when i was.
Would we have still found our way to each other?
You had called it fate.
Which was something that I had never believed in before getting to know you more. I was surprised that you had either.
Holding my breath as we pulled into the driveway, taking in the outside of the house that I had been stuck in for over three months. A house that I didn't even get a chance to really look at that day that I left out of that side gate. Too consumed with the feeling to get away as fast as I could before someone would spot me or I would change my mind.
A house that I haven't been back in since.
Watching as you went through some of the drawers in the garage to find what you were looking for.
Keys still hanging from the ignition.
Carefully I reach over and pull off the only other key on the ring without turning the truck off and silently push my door open.
Looking over seeing that you were still fully locked on to your task.
Speed walking around the front of the truck I make it to the front door sliding the key into the deadbolt first feeling the ease as the bar slid over before clicking into its space inside the door. Then placing the key into the handle, twisting until I felt all the pins fall into place, holding onto the knob.
You had invited me in before, an offer that I never took.
Too overwhelmed with the memories of the basement, being trapped.
There were also good memories too.
All the time I spent in the backyard, the movies we watched on the couch, sitting on the kitchen counter watching as you cooked our meals.
Pushing open the door.
Seeing the kitchen to my left and the long hall that I had always suspected was a garage on the other side.
Following along the baseboards of that wall to the door that I knew was there.
Slab of wood that kept me from getting past the top of the stairs that led down to the concrete room.
Confused when I saw that there was just an opening. Knowing for sure that the door had opened outwards before.
Taking a step into the house to investigate walking all the way up to the entryway seeing that there in fact was no door at all. Not even any hinges on the frame to indicate that a door hand even been installed at all.
Peeking inside, noticing a light switch that hadn't been there before.
Flipping the control up, sending a flood of bright luminescent light that was almost blinding compared to the dim bulb that used to hang from the ceiling.
You've worked on the room.
Changed it.
Feeling more at ease stepping best the threshold since there was nothing that could close me inside I walked to the top step.
White walls, carpet on the floor, hanging lights. Even the stairs were different.
Still wood just buffed over and stained to a dark brown like the color of your eyes with a better railing.
The bed was gone and so was the chain.
Even with the new covering I could still see the rough indented gray walls, could still feel the coolness of the concrete seeping into the soles of my feet, could feel the weight of that collar on my neck.
All that time that i had sat in that back corner on the bed looking over at the buckets that had been my bathroom and thankful for the single bulb that had kept me from being in complete darkness.
How many times I had stood in the middle of the floor trying to yank the chain free so that I might be able to escape.
This room may look completely different but that won't change what happened here.
That piece of me will always be trapped in this room pacing circles on the cool floor until it became hot with body heat.
Almost able to see a phantom of shape moving in the same way I had countless times.
I Need to get out of this room.
Now.
Taking one giant step, feeling the difference in atmosphere the second I got past the frame.
Able to breathe a bit easier.
Looking down the hall that led to the rooms.
All those doors were open.
Did yours still look the same as it had before, did mine?
Stopping by the first one reaching in to turn on the light, noticing the big beautiful mirror that now took up almost the whole wall above the sink.
That was different, though the same see-through shower curtain was still hung on the shower.
Moving on to the next one, surprised to find that there was nothing in there. Not even the bed that you had made for me that had sat in the corner by the window.
Not really phased by that since I never really spent any time in there.
Tuning in a one-eighty seeing your bed with covers all bunched up at the foot of the mattress. Leaning on the door frame noticing that the dresser was still in the same place.
Nothing on the walls.
I'm pretty sure if I opened up your closet there wouldn't be another pair of shoes in there, just a few shirts and pants.
Sliding the door open confirming my guess.
Pulling one of the shirts out sliding it over my shoulders lifting the collar to my nose.
Woodsy, musk.
A scent that was slowly becoming mine once again.
Tipping my head back looking at the shelf above the bar.
That was also different.
Expecting to find the single black sketchbook up. The one that I left my goodbye note in.
Counting at least a few handfuls of similar looking black lined sketch books stacked in a messy way.
Happiness filled my heart knowing that you had been doing something that you loved.
Taking back the thing that you had seemed to lose after everything that you had to do to survive the life you had been given.
Standing up on my tiptoes barely able to reach the one on the top intrigued to see what was on each and every page.
"I had forgotten how good you looked in my shirts."
Startled by your voice I lose my footing and stumble backwards a couple steps.
Looking over to find you leaning lazily on the side of the doorway. Hands in your pockets, a full on sexy smile lighting up your entire face as you look over at me.
How long had you been standing there?
Going over to the closet where I just was, pulling out the book I had been reaching for.
Realizing that even though I did want to see the contents, that wasn't what I wanted.
Reaching up to tug on the round star indented charm that my best friend had given me for my birthday.
I loved this one but it wasn't the same.
Was my necklace up there somewhere, still tucked inside of the pages of one of those books?
Noticing that I wasn't taking the offering you tossed it past me onto the bed hearing it land with a soft thud.
Silence building as we each just stood in place.
"It's weird. Being back here." I admit. "I saw that you added a mirror in the bathroom. It looks good."
"You had told me that you wanted one."
I did.
Remembering that conversation.
Feeling like that was so long ago and yet all too recent at the same time. Being back in this house brought back all the emotions I had gone through while I was in these rooms.
"You changed the basement too."
"Just knowing how upset the room made you. Even if you never went down there again, I couldn't stand to leave it how it was. Tearing out the things that made you feel trapped, hating myself more and more with everything that I removed. Knowing that I was the one who was responsible for all of that. Covering up the walls, adding the lights and carpet and refinishing the steps. None of that will ever change what happened but it was the only thing that I COULD do to try and make that room less traumatic for you."
So you remodeled that room with the thoughts that I would be back here again.
"When did you decide to work on the alterations?"
"Days after i came home to find that you were gone." You admit with a hitch in your voice. A tone that had no hint of anger or question, just pain. Noting the dullness in your knowing without a doubt that you were reliving that memory.
An ache ringing through my chest, stabbing my heart directly as the guilt started to sprout once again only this time it seemed to spread like weeds and I could not ignore the fact that I had hurt you.
Even if you did hurt me first.
That was a very hard decision even though it shouldn't have been.
Leaving out that side gate, it wasn't this house that had made me feel as if I had anchors attached to my feet. It was coming to terms with the knowledge that I was going to do to you what so many others had during your life.
I left you.
Yet you worked to make the basement more tolerable for me even though I wasn't even here. You held onto the hope that I might one day come back.
Either that or you had planned on bringing me back yourself.
A scenario that I had thought of so many times.
Each variation, a little different.
Some I fought your hold, some I willingly hopped into your truck. Either running to or away from you. Playing through each one trying to plan out that encounter would work out.
Sometimes when I would take off you would let me go without even trying to catch up.
Those were always the ones that confused me the most because I would feel so alone and empty afterwards.
None of them had become the outcome.
Realizing that I neither chose to run or to go with you.
"Eli."
Pausing on my question, needing to hear the answer knowing that you wouldn't lie to me.
"That day in the yogurt shop." Swallowing trying to get rid of the golf ball sized rut that had formed in my throat with no luck. Taking in a deep breath as you waited patiently for my question. Allowing me to work through my thoughts in my own time.
"If i had told you that I never wanted to see you again would you have left me alone or would you have." The ball seemed to grow larger, feeling more like the size of an orange even though that wasn't even possible.
"No, Sarah." Shaking your head guessing as to how I was going to finish that sentence.
"I had been prepared for that knowing that by going into that shop that it could have been the last time I would ever see you. No, I would not have repeated what I did the first time. No matter how hard it would have been to stay away I would have respected your choice but even if that had been the case it wouldn't have changed the fact that I love you. That I will love you until the day that I die and if I am reborn and I had no memory of you that my heart and soul would still hold its love for you just waiting for the day that we would meet again. I will for the rest of my life try to make up for what I did but I will never regret the time that I had with you. You are my life, my everything and I will spend the rest of my days apologizing to you for all the pain that I caused not only you but your parents and your best best friend and for everything that you and them had to endure after you went home and...."
walking forward, fingers moving smoothly into gorgeous locks of hair before tugging your head down until your lips met mine."
The past could not be changed and how we met and came to know each other was far from ideal but that doesn't alter the fact that my heart and soul belonged to you too.
There was a time when I believed that I was insane for having these feelings, when I felt that if I had given myself enough time and space that I could get over you or perhaps realize that my feelings weren't actually real.
No matter how hard I tried, I could never escape you and this past year I have come to terms that I never wanted too.
Both of us breathless after the kiss looking up into your sparkling sexy brown eyes seeing all the colors they had hiding in their vastness. Words coming easily, words that I had only ever written down or admitted when I was alone.
"I love you Eli. My heart belongs to you, only you, it has for longer than even I let myself realize."
Right then I saw you reach into your pocket, pulling out a small wooden box before you dropped down to one knee.
In this moment I found out that a person could survive even if their heart stalled out watching as you opened the lid seeing the sparkle of a diamond even before the lid was halfway off.
Looking down at the familiar shape, each diamond star shining brightly as if each of their stars' correlations were shining through them at this moment.
My necklace.
The one that I thought had still been stuffed inside the pages of one of the sketchbooks atop your closet. How long had you been carrying it around?
"Sarah, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. To have you with me as much as you want to be. To wake up in the mornings and find you snuggled on my chest or to sit on the counters as I cook. Knowing that I have someone that I can share stories of what happened during my days that I can hear stories from yours as well. I want to grow old with you and love you endlessly even past death. A death that would come shortly after yours because my life will be nothing without you in it. I am yours, Sarah. Everything that I have and am is yours."
Tears threatening to escape out of both corners of my eyes as I take in all that this moment is. Nodding my head, reaching out to you.
"I'm yours. Eli. I'm yours."
Closing my eyes, the tiny hairs tickling on my chest as you wrap the white gold chain around my neck kissing the exposed skin just under my ear sending even more chills down my spine.
Reaching up, fingers gliding along the asterism, no longer feeling as if something was missing.
My shell may have been broken and even though there were some parts that may never be recoverable, I had a majority of those pieces back in place along with the one that had been connected to this item.
"Beautiful." You whispered.
Yes.
I agreed.