Destined to be?

Chapter 35

Sarah

It was always a known fact that seniors skipped the last few days of school. The teachers didn't care much because all the grades have already been imputed into the system. So now all everyone was really doing was riding out the last days until school was officially over, having fun and hanging out with friends until summer began. The only classes that really still worked were the ap classes. Once again so glad and relieved that I had not put any of those on my schedule.
Right now Amara, Luke, Brayden and myself were all stuffed into Brayden's jeep on our way to grab a bite to eat.
Weird, I know that I don't want school to end and yet i'm skipping but this is just a tradition for all seniors and if i did not take part then i would be missing out on the experience.
Besides, how was I going to say no to going to Donnie's?
Not only do they have the best fish tacos ever but they also have the most delicious creole fries and of course pizza for the guys. The cool thing about his place was that they specialized in seafood and the implemente that in their pizzas as well. With a wide variety of toppings, crab, fish, tomatoes, seaweed, clams, bacon, shrimp, calamari along with the regular toppings for a pizza that any regular restaurant would have on their menu.
Turning sideways in the passenger seat taking all of them in.
Braydens relaxed position behind the wheel, focused on the road but still fully tuned into the conversation.
Tucking the hair behind my ear as I look back at Luke who at the moment was holding up his arms in a way to block the slap coming from amara. One which he deserved after saying that since my best friend had forgotten her wallet then she wasn't going to get any food. A playful remark, we all know that Luke would have no problem paying for her bill as he has on every one of their dates. That's just the type of guy he was, of course he did have to work at that because Amara always insisted on paying half.
Letting out a chuckle as I watch him take hold of her wrist as she tries to pull another blow. Dumbfounded that he had stopped her, looking at her hand inclosed in his and not seeing him lean in and kiss her on the cheek surprising her yet again.
They were definitely cute. There was no denying that.
Was this how Brayden and i were when we first started dating?
No wonder she gave me so much crap. Shaking my head as I laughed at that thought. Trying not to think about how everything is about to change
Again.
This time it was time itself that forced the hand. Thirteen years of school and in five days I'll be walking across that stage.
My heart sputtering at the idea that I won't be in the same classes with my best friend or Brayden. That I won't even be in highschool anymore. Not to mention that I feel slightly duped because I had missed half a year. Now I feel as if I'm owed that back, as if i should be able to have those months of classes where I could have just a bit more time.
Unfortunately that's not an option. Time, as always, moves forward whether I want it to or not.
Yet I still get random glimpses from the past. Like all those times my dad had quietly come into my room in the middle of the night when I had first come back. How I pretended to be asleep so that he wouldn't worry about me more than he already was.
Kneeling next to my bed for hours, just being there with me.
Sometimes he would run his hand over my hair and give me a kiss like he always used to but for the most part he would just sit there. As if he couldn't believe that i was back or as if he was waiting for me to walk from a nightmare. Ready to comfort me if I needed it.
I was always super aware of my breathing when he was in my room. Making sure to keep long steady breaths so that my body wouldn't give away that I was actually awake.
Those were really the only times he had been near me in the beginning.
Wanting so badly to just open my eyes and tell him that i was awake like i had used to but even now i don't think that either one of us would have known what to say to the other.
He was still so overcome with the knowledge that I was back home and I was dealing with the guilt of lying to everyone.
A burden that I will never be able to get rid of.
Pressure on my hand, that soft comforting touch of his thumb running over my skin. Looking up I see Brayden raise his eyebrows just like he used to do when we were together. This was his way of getting me out of my head when I started thinking too much.
Giving him a small smile in thanks, his hand only staying for a second longer before settling back on his leg.
Even without the relationship title he still looks out for me, still cares.
I'm not even sure where I would be right now if I hadn't had him in my life.
Amara likes to say that he helped me break out of my shy little shell and I believe that. If i hadn't been so excited everyday knowing that I would be able to see him, if i didn't have him by my side then maybe what christy and her friends did would have affected me more.
Maybe I would have tried to hide even further into myself to try and get away from them. From everyone and everything.
Sure I stood up for myself that time in the lunchroom before I even knew that he went to my school but that was one time.
He was something that made me happy for the longest, just knowing that I had someone by my side. Of course I always have amara but she was more of a time bomb that I had to worry about. That wasn't the case with Brayden. Of course he would get pissed when I would tell him what they were doing to me but he would always find a way to make me laugh or to get my mind off of them.
In a way Brayden was like my crutch. Holding me up along the way.
Just knowing that I was going to end the school day with him made my days more bearable.
Made it easier to push away all the bad things.
The funny thing is I don't have a clue how my life would have been like without Brayden but I know exactly where my life would be right now if you never came into it.
I would be graduating with a five point o g.p.a and I would have applied to every college in hopes that one would give me a full scholarship. Then I would go to whichever school seemed the most logical and I still wouldn't have a clue as to what my major would be. Most likely something basic like business or or something else that was just as boring.
Now here I am about to be finished with highschool with no current plans for college.
No plans at all, actually.
That's kind of scary, not having a clue what to do from here.
For the first time in my entire life I actually have the choice of what comes next.
A realization that is both exciting and completely daunting.
Before was easy because I knew what was expected and had a general idea of where I was going to be.
Now.
I'm filled with all the thoughts of what my life could be while still taking into account that I am living at home with my parents who still hold the fear that every day I leave the house will be the last time they will see me.
Then that begs the real question.
What would I do if I didn't have to worry about them? If I could do anything, go anywhere.
What would I choose?
That was just the thing.
I had barriers in my way.
My parents.
You.
In every future scenario of trying to figure out what I'm going to do, I've always tried to contort my life around them. Trying to makeshift a way that I could have all of them in a way that wouldn't turn from a tiny snowball into an all out avalanche.
One thing I've never asked myself is what I wanted.
Just me, without having to worry about anyone else.
What would make me happy?
Mulling over the question as I scarf down my second taco. As I listen to everyone else talking about what classes they are going to be signing up for or what clubs they want to join.
Hearing all of their excitement makes it hard to not get swept into the whole college vibe.
Actually considering on changing my mind and applying just so I could feel more a part of this conversation instead of feeling like i'm in a group project that I wasn't contributing to and yet I was adding my name onto anyways.
The only thing was. Each of them knew what they were going to do.
They all seemed to have their lives figured out and even if I did decide to go I would still feel out of the loop because I don't have a major figured out.
Of course a lot of people who do go don't have theirs figured out either, most end up changing their major one or more times as they go.
So why was I using that as my excuse for not even applying.
That's just what that was, an excuse.
All that comes back down to that one question I had earlier.
What will make me happy?
For some reason I just don't feel like college is on that list.
Though it would be a lot easier if the list was actually filled in and not like a mystery puzzle that needed to be solved.
Considering that it was about me, filling in the blanks shouldn't be this hard.