Destined to be?

Chapter 32

Sarah

Tilting my head back I look up into the night sky. Not a single star, visible.
Still trying to wrap my head around everything.
Playing back moment after moment trying to figure out just how he fell for me while I became more detached.
Had he just said those words because we are at prom. I mean that is a night that most couples. Shaking my head not even wanting to think about that scenario.
Maybe I let this go too far, made him think that we were going to last when that was the last thing that was going to happen.
I knew one thing for sure.
There was no way I could do THIS anymore.
So mentally exhausted from keeping up the act that I had begun questioning myself more than usual.
Questioning whether or not 'I' was the problem.
It's not that I am or that he is. Neither one of us is the problem. At least not separately. Anyways.
People grow apart all time and many times that is one sided just like now.
Yea i should have ended things between us a longtime ago but i didn't and now this is where i am.
In the middle of a small outdoors area that is surrounded on all four sections by the walls of the hotel. Avoiding everyone on the night of my prom.
Honelty preferring this seclusion over being among the crowd of my classmates.
Silence.
Taking a seat on one the stone benches next to one of many flower pots under the fairly lights strung overhead.
Turning my head to the bushel of roses.
Funny.
You never brought me roses. Always said that they were too unoriginal and that I deserved something as unique and beautiful as I was.
The bundles of flowers that you had brought home had always been a mixture of different flowers. Never the same thing twice.
I was always sad when they died. Thinking that their life might have lasted longer if only they had never been plucked from their home. Most of them had been wildflowers.
Ones that most people had thought of as weeds.
Ones that would have been mowed over and dug up, destroyed. Until you gave them another home.
Watching as they wilted, they lost their color, petal after petal falling to the counter. Their own personal timer to death.
In a way I was like them.
Taken from my home, slowly changing, losing pieces of myself. Pieces of my life.
No matter how much care you had put into keeping them alive they always died.
That was life.
Things are born, they live through changes as they age then they die.
Only my life is much longer than that of a rose and way more complicated.
"Sarah there you are."
Closing my eyes, thankful that I at least had a few minutes alone.
"I was worried. Are you ok? I didn't mean to push you or scare you or"
"Brayden stop." Listening to my command he shuts his mouth into a thin line, worry etching his features. Those deep blue eyes are like pools of indecision. "I ran out because I realized something. Something important. You are an amazing, caring, thoughtful guy and you have been by my side through a lot. I know that I wasn't the easiest person to deal with at times." Placing my index finger on his partly opened mouth halting his next words. "I love the fact that you care for me so deeply, I've loved spending time with you and all the times that you made me laugh and all of the talks that we have had. I have enough love for you to let you know that you deserve someone who loves you wholeheartedly but that person isn't me. I care for you so much but I just don't have feelings for you in that way." Running my fingers through the hair that was now hanging over his eyes, brushing the pieces back. Before I slip my hand down his right arm holding his hand in mine. Turning it so that his palm is up as I let the delicate chain fall into his grip.
"I love you Brayden but I'm not in love with you."
Head tilted down looking at our joined hands as if he was thinking that if he never let go then he wouldn't have to realize what I was doing at this moment.
"I scared you by saying that, please just give this some time. I can do better, I promise."
"Brayden." I say with a hitch in my voice not realizing that releasing him would make me feel as if I was losing a good friend. Hoping that would not be the case though knowing that it most likely will be. Lots of people drift apart after highschool. That's just how things worked. "You were the perfect boyfriend. This isn't about either of us doing better. This is just me realizing my feelings and communicating them to you. I don't want to lose you Brayden but I also don't want to give you false hope."
Squeezing his hands gently before trying to pull away but his grip was still stiff keeping me there as he flipped our hands back over the weight of the chain dropping back into my palm.
"Keep it. Please. It was a gift."
Nodding my head as he moved his hands away watching as I opened my clutch and placed the necklace into a pocket to keep it safe.
"Friends?" I ask, still unsure what the answer will be.
Corners of my mouth rising as I see him nod as he holds out his elbow.
"You are still my date for the night. Will you allow me to escort you back to the dance?"
Hooking my arm. "Of course."
Bumping his shoulder into mine, causing me to look over at him. "Don't think this gets you out of riding with me to and from school. I've gotten too used to the company."
"I'll agree to that." Chuckling wholeheartedly as I rest my head onto his shoulder already feeling the change in our relationship. The strain is no longer there. Wondering if he could feel it too or if it was just me.
"Amaras is going to have questions. I let it slip about what I said."
"You let it slip or she wouldn't let you leave until you told her?" Knowing the answer before he let out that it was the later one.
Shaking my head.
My best friend.
Always there trying to protect me no matter what.