𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐏𝐎𝐕
i'm getting sick of ashtray, whenever we are together it's constant arguing. it is draining for everyone involved, fez being one of them. he has to listen to us constantly bicker over anything. it's usually over ash being distant, ignorant or even just quiet. he leaves me on delivered all of the time, in fairness to him he is never active and ignoring me. it still hurts tho. i decided to just go for it and brake up with him. i know it will be a lot for me, probably on him too. i don't want to hurt him but i have to, there's no way i could stay with him.
𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐄🤍: ash can i come over
𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐄🤍: we need to talk
𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘🖤: mhm when
𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐄🤍: in about ten minutes i'll see you
𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘🖤: i love u
𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐄🤍: thanks
i took a breath, i really couldn't love him anymore. i would never be able to love him after this. even if i want to get back with him i can't, if this hurts him it will hurt fez too. all though fez isn't a mean person, like at all, but if ash gets hurt it's different. i don't know why but it seems that whenever something so small happens to him it's a big deal.
i exhaled and left the house, i was slightly shaking and i felt a lot of anxiety about braking up with him. it wasn't a far walk, even tho we live in completely different areas there is some short cuts i can get through.
i could see their house in the distance so i stood still for a second to prepare myself. the guilt of what i was doing was starting too get stronger. my heart was beating out of my chest and i could feel tears fill my eyes blurring my vision. i shouldn't be crying, it's not fair of me.
i began walking again and wiped my eyes. when i got to the door i slowly reached for the handle bracing myself for the arguments to come. "hi allie." fez turned his head to look at me with a smile. "hey..." i breathed looking down at my feet. "you good?" he asked nodding his head at me. "mhm... are you?" i said trying to not make it obvious.
"yep." he smiled at me, i could tell he knew something was up. ash emerged from his room lips in a slight upwards position, he was clearly trying his best not to be moody today. "hi ma." he walked over to me open armed. i swerved away from him witnessing the smile drop from his face instantly. "what's up?" his tone was now cold. it's crazy how much i can control his whole mood, i could already tell it was going to be a long night.
"can we go to your room?" i asked watching him effortlessly nod in agreement. "cmon then." he whined looking back at me. my legs wouldn't let me walk, i was frozen with fear. i'm not scared of what he would do to me, he wouldn't do anything, i am scared of what he would do in general. or worse what he would do to himself.
eventually i managed to carry my body to his room. he was sat on his bed just tapping his leg on the floor. "ash... we are braking up." i was planning to do it more gently but i just lost control of my tongue. he looked up at me, watery eyed, he shook his head.
"why..." his voice was shaking and i could tell he was already getting worked up. "why? are you serious... i'm sorry but you are awful!" i blurted out, i don't even know i said that so instantly. he stood up getting in my face.
"i'm awful? be real al... you're an ignorant cunt!" he was clearly very angry, it's scary how angry he can get in the space of five minutes. "how am i ignorant? aren't you the one that ignores me the second something doesn't go right in your day? aren't you the one who ghosts me? and yes fair enough you aren't active but at least put in the fucking effort." i said, he was just silent. i looked at him staring deeply into his eyes. his chest was going up and down rapidly and his eyes were glossy. he tuned around resting his hands on the back of his head dripping his head backwards. tears started too pour from my eyes and i grabbed his arm pulling him back to look at me.
"why are you the one crying! i am not trying to be mean i just need help!" he pulled away from me anxiously biting his nails. "help? what with?" i asked confused on what he was getting at. "you know..." he wasn't lying, the second he said that i knew. "the drugs, the distance, the way i couldn't even get myself out of bed in front of you... you know." he lazily said turning his back to me opening the bedroom door. "hey!" fez grabbed ash before he could get out of the house.
"cmon." fez grabbed his arm tightly and turned him to look at me. he was avoiding eye contact and sniffling. "if you also put in the effort i will to... and i will try my best to help you if you tell me properly what's going on in your head." i firmly said.
"i can't fez..." he mumbled, fez let go of him pushing him back to me. "go, don't just lift your sleeves fucking talk to her." he said, clearly just trying to pre-warn me. i felt my heart drop to my stomach at the thought of him being so mentally drained that he felt he had to hurt himself. i wished he had told me, i always knew that something was up with him but never thought it was that serious. we walked back into his room where he collapsed onto the bed.
"ash..." i whispered my voice was quieter than usual. "just... don't, i don't need you." he scoffed. "shut up you do." i laid next to him. he just wanted to cuddle, it was weird considering we were broke up right now. he sobbed into my shoulder, he has never been like this before.
"ash, sit up." i pushed him off of me. i dragged him up once i had sat myself up, "get off me!" he whined like a baby. "what is wrong with you?" i tried to comfort him, instead i sounded awful. "ugh i'm sorry, just leave." he tried to get me to leave.
"i'm not going to leave, not until you tell me what is wrong." i said desperately trying to keep him from laying back down. he just ignored me. "fez come help." i yelled, he came in and sat on the bed next to us. "cmon man... i know it's hard... please." he wrapped an arm around him.
"well, i'm depressed as fuck there done!" he stood up, hitting his head off of the wall. "for god sake!" i stood up wrapping my arms around him, his breaths were fast and deep and i could hear his heart beating in my ear. i walked him to the bed and he sat down as fez tapped his shoulder leaving the room.
"i don't mean to upset you." he couldn't make eye contact with me. "well you do..." i said turning him to look at me. "i- i need you... please don't leave." he laid his head on my stomach. i rubbed the back of his head and trailed to his back.
"i am not going to... i knew something was up with you i just didn't know what... i'm so sorry." i leant over and kissed his head. "i'm sorry to ma... i love you..."
