𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐀𝐒 𝐏𝐎𝐕
ashtray is at the lowest point in his life, i don't know how i'm supposed to help him because everything i do he rejects. it's getting too the point were i'm starting to get sad because of it, i try hide it because it becomes his priority and i just want him to focus on helping himself.
i slept at his house last night, fez was worried so he asked me to stay. fez knows a lot more than me but i guess he just forces him to talk about how he feels.
i stared blankly up at the ceiling, ashtray was snuggled up next too me just dead asleep. i took a deep breath and shook him awake slightly. "ashtray wake up." i said coldly, as much as i love him and would do anything for him i have a small grudge against him for rejecting my help constantly.
he slowly forced himself to open his eyes and looked up at me with fear, "are you okay? you look like you're gonna cry..." he panicked, he sat up placing both hands on my shoulders. in that moment i felt a wave of sickness wash over me and a heavy ringing in my ears.
"aria answer me." he said, i could see fury in his eyes. all i could do was nod my head, i've never felt like this before and i didn't like it. "don't lie." he says moving his hands to my knees, i placed mine on top of his.
"i'm okay enough... just-" i cut myself off and looked down at his arms, his cut up arms. "just?" he questioned as he pulled his sleeve down. "i'm sorry ashtray i- i'm just stressed about trying to help you and it's hurting me and i didn't want to tell you because i know what you're like an-" he stood up and rested his head in his hands.
he leaned against the wall and took a deep sigh, "maybe we should brake up." the word 'maybe' stood out to me as i know it's not a case of just 'maybe' his mind is all of a sudden switched and that's all he could think about. he wouldn't say it if he didn't think it.
"kay." i didn't want to put effort into fighting it, i knew he wouldn't change his mind now there was no going back on it. even if there was i'd already agreed, i know him and i know that he's gonna take that as me agreeing and overthink everything about it.
"oh.." when that's all he said i knew if fucked up by not fighting it, "do you really want to brake up with me?" i asked evening out my tone to make sure i was convincing him that i'm okay although having to ask that hurt me more than anything. he looked at me with a pained expression and looking like he was trying to fight something.
he just inhaled deeply, his loss of breath was making it difficult for any words to leave his mouth. "i need you, but- i don't want to- hurt you..." he was completely breathless and struggling to calm down. "i don't mean too... you know that... right?" he looked at me wide eyed.
"yeah... i didn't want you too get upset exactly like this, that's why i bottled it up." he rushed towards me and wrapped his arms around my neck resting on my shoulders. i could feel his shaking body rest on mine and his quick breaths on my neck.
he slightly cried, i barely have to say anything anymore. "you're not hurting yourself are you?" he asked me sounding extremely distressed, i sighed pushing him off me too he lied against the headboard. "no... cmon be quiet and chill yourself out please." i said laying next to him with a sigh.
"promise to tell me next time.." he mumbled with his eyes in thin slits, "promise, can you promise the same thing too?" i asked putting one of my legs over his body.
"promise..."
