𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐏𝐎𝐕
i sat on ashtrays bed, he was pacing around the room he was yelling about nothing. i was crying, my head was hurting and my eyes were puffy, my cheeks were stained with tears and i was so fucking exhausted.
i know he is hurting, i also know i love him but it's not good for me. he hurts me, i shouldn't be sat here at 2:30 in the morning arguing with him. but i can't give up on him, i know if i do he will end up dead.
"ashtray just shut the fuck up!" i yelled over him and my sobs. i looked at him he had tears rolling down his face and had to cling onto the wall just to avoid passing out. "i- i'm going too sleep in fezcos room..." he breathed.
i stood up and grabbed his arm and stopped him from turning out of the door, "no, you're going to listen to me." he pulled off of me groaning yet reluctantly listening.
"i'm doing everything i can to stop myself from leaving you because i know everything is so hard for you and you are trying, but you need to stop and think... do you want me to end up like you? all i want to do is fix you and stop you from hurting yourself..." i lectured as he slid down the wall onto the floor gasping for breath.
"i love you- i do i promise- i could never hurt you on purpose... i'm just so tired..." he put his head in his hands, i know there is lots of stuff i don't know about him but i know enough to help him. i sat in front of him and and sobbed his name just so he would interact with me.
"lottie please just shut- the- fuck up..." he breathed standing up, the door opened and fez angrily grabbed ash. "both of you shut the fuck up... ash man if you're hurting don't take it out on her talk to her."
"okay." he shook fez off him and he went over sitting on his bed and making room for me, "now you two shut up." fez shoot the door and went back to bed. i just sat on the floor for a minute before feeling ashtrays arms lift me up.
"stop being a baby, ma." he laughed past the tears that were falling down his face, he dropped me onto the bed as laid next to me. "you are fixing me... and if you ever lose me it's because i've lost myself but- but no one could ever replace you... as long as i'm living." he looked at me running his hands through my hair.
"i- i'm not gonna let you go." was all i could say as he kissed me on the cheek, he rested his head on my shoulder and dozed off holding my hands too his chest.
