Doki Doki Movie Club! - A SM AU Fanfiction!

37: Radford's Anxiety.

"Hnn.. hh.."

Radford whimpered—his head lowered as he pitifully gazed down at his lap. I only stared, the shock still brimming in my mind from what he had just accidentally uttered aloud. What—what did he mean by that? All of the questioning I could have internally done immediately vanished as I saw his crying form, and I leaned foward, gently placing my hands on his back.

"I'm—I'm sorry.."

"No, no, dude. Its—its okay." I muttered in response to him.

"I.. I just can't.."

"I—I know.. shh.." I gently shushed any other whimpers that would dare come out of his mouth. "What.. why do you think I'd leave you? What's wrong?"

"I—I don't know.. everything just.. ever since the night you joined the club, things have felt.. nn.." Radford struggled to speak, sniffling. "..so.. weird, and.." He lifted his head to stare down at me, and let out another sob.

"..what do you mean? Has something been happening?"

"Not really.. with—not with other people anyway. Its just.. me."

"..I.. I don't understand."

"I know.. I don't.. I don't blame you for not understanding. Things have just been so.. there's been so many things happening with me and.. and I don't know why!" Radford finally managed to get out, his voice wavering. "I've been panicking almost every morning anytime I wake up even though I've never done that before. And I take forever to even get ready because I keep thinking something bad is gonna happen to me.. I don't know why. I keep thinking that.. sometimes, I—I even think bad things are gonna happen to you too.."

"..bad.. things?"

"I don't know. I just.. all I know is I don't even wanna go outside, or go to work, or do anything anymore. I always think something bad is gonna happen. And.. I've been thinking with—with.. I've just been thinking that with how I am, I might end up getting other people into danger too! I don't wanna hurt anyone. I don't wanna get anyone hurt because of me."

"Ra—"

"I don't want that to happen! I'm not gonna let that happen! I'm not gonna let anyone die! I'm not, I'm not, I'm not! I'm—"

"Radford!"

His rather hysterical screams die down the instant I say his name, and he only stares, before sniffling and bowing his head again. "..sorry.."

I.. I didn't understand how he was feeling. He—thought I was going to leave? Or that people would get hurt because of him? Since when? I could only helplessly sit as I processed everything I had just heard. I knew he was an anxious guy, but.. he wasn't ever this anxious.

"Its.. it's okay.." I manage to softly muster. "Just.. why didn't you tell me you were feeling this way?"

"..I.."

"If something was wrong, I would have helped. So—why? Did I do something to make you feel like you couldn't tell me?—"

"No, no, no!" Radford immediately yelled in response, shaking his head rather hysterically with a concerned expression. "It's not you. It's never been you. It's just been.. me. I don't wanna see you get hurt.. so.. so I didn't tell you. There's so many things that could happen to you. So many things and people who could hurt you all because I said something stupid."

He continues with a sniffle, "I didn't want you finding out either so.. so I.. that's kinda why I invited you to the club, man. If you went there every night, you'd have more friends to notice if something was wrong and to protect you if something happened. More.. useful friends who wouldn't just—who wouldn't be an incompetent idiot like me.. but.. seeing you becomes friends with everyone.. at the same time, it felt.."