To Be, Or Not To Be|| SPY X FAMILY

Anya|| Agent Twilight

I couldn't bear to lose everything. I didn't want to. Albeit it was all fake but my time with that family was the best time of my life. It all shattered, it all came down after he left. Abandoned me, despite having sworn to never leave me.

The moment I was left at that train station, I felt as if a powerful force had shunned me to the side. I was abandoned. I was abandoned by my fake father and the pain, the heartache I felt lingered for too long, I could never shut it out. It was so unbearable, the loss of losing a father for the first time.

When I was born, I never knew what a father was from then on, what kind of love did fathers show? I would always wonder. I don't have any early memories of my mother either, all I know was that she often hummed a soft melody to ease me from the burden on consciousness, the song she hummed pulled me into the world of slumber.

That world had been stolen away from me too. From then on, I was on my own. I knew that I had to rely on myself but perhaps, depending on a father for the first time, that was the experience I'd attained from having Twilight... no... Loid Forger as my father and that was stolen from me too.

He swore to never leave me.

Guess he really is a man of his word.

"..."

"Anya." He decided to break the ice by speaking first, his expression was indescribable, his eyes looked solemn but he felt cold and far away. Not reliant.

"Could we skip all the emotional things?" I spoke up, surprised at how stoic I sounded, he nodded though it clearly seemed that his actions were not describing his thoughts. I wanted to run towards him, I wanted to scream and kick and cry and ask him why on earth he left me, all I wanted was a family I could turn to and although I was forever grateful to my mother for providing me with a sense of comfort, I wanted to know why–he had to compromise in this way. The last thing in my mind was to hug him and make an emotional and tragic father-daughter reunion.

Business is business and family is family.

You cannot connect the two.

It always becomes a disaster.

"I was hoping you'd say that," Twilight nodded as he took a sip of his coffee. We were sitting in a very discreet and shady looking cafe in the back of an alleyway, the red couches were shabby and the leather had begun to tear and shed. The coffee table (which I observed was made of oakwood).

"Right," I muttered bitterly, who the hell says that? This guy has the audacity to–

"Operation Strix." He spoke up again, my eyes met him before flickering away. I hung my head low and fidgeted around with the tablecloth. "What about it?" I murmured.

I couldn't help but look up again and only then did I notice how much things have really changed. I always did imagine one day visiting a cosy-looking cafe with a father and that we'd have a lot to talk about, like work or hobbies or that we'd joke around.

I mean, you have to make do with what you have.

He looked at me with a very unreadable expression as I lazily swirled the sweet and warm liquid rather than drink it. "Its nothing..." he said, a small smile forming on his face, "it's just, even during operation strix our target was the same as right now."

Did he feel any remorse, any guilt as he said it? I looked him in the eye properly, gripping the end of the long spoon as it clinked with the coffee cup.

"I don't understand why we have to work together."

He shook his head,"I know what you're thinking, of course I won't abruptly show up at your house as Loid Forger, that'll startle–" he spoke in a more softer voice, "that'll startle Yor and you obviously don't want me posing as your father," "yeah, no shit," I scoffed.

He takes a sip of his coffee, black coffee, bitter and distasteful, disgusting even, always reminds me of dirt for some reason. "Okay," I nodded slowly, "so, how shall we proceed with the plan–more importantly," I grew a little closer to him, "is it safe to discuss it here–?"

He nodded,"this may look like a discreet cafe, however it is one of WISE's warehouses for those working underground for the Westallian agency" he explained.

"So everyone here is–?" I looked around and noticed how odd everything seemed, the waitress had a very forced smile on her face, Nobody was showing much expression and more importantly, I close my eyes as the thoughts flooded in–

So this is the mission 2.3...

Grenades! Bloody hell, what are people thinking these days!...

I want something to eat...

I have to work as a what this time?

Prostitution, are you kidding me?!

Everyone was a spy working on some mission or another.

Trying my best to ignore the man working on the prostitution case, I went back to staring blankly at my now cold coffee, Twilight's eyes followed my hands as he looked at my cup,

You're not going to drink that Anya?

My eyes widened at an alarming rate, please don't tell me he knows too...

"Did Handler tell you?--" I started, he flinched as he turned to look at me,
"Tell me what?" He looked conscious all of a sudden,
"Nevermind," I say quickly, taking a sip of my coffee.

Maybe he knew, maybe he didn't. Although, Handler had promised me that she hadn't told a single soul, including Agent Twilight.

"Alright so–back to the mission, I'm sure you know what you're supposed to do–?"

"Get close to the target through Damian Desmond, send intel to the west and the east." I pretty much summarise everything in one sentence.

Just like last time.

"However, intel states that our target isn't necessarily Donovan Desmond," Twilight muttered discreetly, "Are you saying that it could be anyone from that family–?" I felt my eyebrows furrow as the Agent gives me a small nod.

"Wait so, it could even be Melinda Desmond?" I inquired.

"Anybody." He responded once more with a curt nod.

"And what exactly is your role in this mission–Handler and the chief said we're supposed to work together, you obviously can't go back to being Loid Forger," I scoffed, crossing my arms across my chest. He shook his head, "I can't go back to... being... Loid... however, I am responsible for supervising your actions and reporting back to the West, vice versa."

It was as if he wanted to affirm that he was someone to trust.

"And...?" I looked at him expectantly, "And...I have something else in mind..." he responded, his eyes twinkling.