joelle | d.m

39 | koya laeno

February, 1995.

Dear Joelle,

Due to unfortunate events from my stupid jail mates, my release date has been pushed. I'm not sure when I will be released now. That is to be determined. When I find out, so will you.

I am very disappointed. My stupid jail mates just had to ruin everything. If you're going to try to kill a guard after sucking him off, do it quicker. This is what happens when you catch feelings for a guard. Life lesson; never do that, Joelle. You bang and then dash.

Anyway, this doesn't mean stop getting me my money. Keep at it, because I want every pound in my hand when I am released. Just thought I'd update you because I'm a good mother like that.

xoxo,
Angel

Joey shredded the letter to pieces before tossing it in the bin in the bathroom.

She walked back to her bed, alone in the dorm, and collapsed onto her bed. One side of her face buried into the pillow as she got lost within her past.

_____

Joey was thirteen years old when her mother went to jail.

She turned thirteen on December 29th in the year 1988. The day she turned thirteen was also the day she had officially been on her own—metaphorically and literally.

No. Joey did not go to a foster home. Well, technically she did, but not for long.

She was only at the foster home for two weeks before her social worker was able to contact distant family. Tita Lou and Tito Jun—her aunt and uncle on her mother's side. Lou was Angel's sister, though they flat-out resented one another.

Lou was older than Angel by eight years, so they never lived in the same house for long. Lou had gone on with her life and moved out before Angel got pregnant with Joey at eighteen years old.

Nine months later, Joey was born on December 29th, crying her lungs out. She was named Koya and that was when she'd been granted the identity of Koya Laeno—daughter of Angel Laeno.

So yes. Joelle Honrada wasn't always Joelle Honrada. She'd been Koya Laeno until her mother went to jail. After that, she repainted herself and took the identity of Joelle Honrada.

Angel was a really shitty mother and as much as Joey tried to just remove herself from the past, she couldn't. Out of sight, out of mind did not work for this case. Especially since it really wasn't that long ago. It was only seven years ago and it really didn't seem like that long in this sense.

It was seven years ago when Joey called Angel mama. When she listened to Mama. When she obeyed Mama. When she was being educated by Mama. When she was verbally abused by Mama. When she was emotionally abused by Mama. When she was physically abused by Mama.

When she was everything but a daughter to Mama.

Years ago, Joey—or Koya would technically be correct—was just there. She wasn't really a daughter. It didn't feel like it at least.

Koya was actually a mistake. Angel didn't mean to have a baby, but it was too late for that. She had no choice but to go on with the pregnancy and have the baby she saw as a burden.

When Koya was born, she didn't really remember a whole lot during the following years. For a few years, they lived with Angel's mother, who was also abusive and shitty, in another part of the United Kingdom. The abused become the abuser. It never comes out of nowhere.

Angel's mother never touched Koya, but she always laid hands on Angel. Cursed her for having a baby at eighteen years old. Cursed her for being irresponsible and stupid.