Butterfly Wings

Trip Down Memory Lane

Day 50

It has been such a long time since I last was told how long I had been here. It has not been terribly long, but long enough that I feel bloated a tiny bit. Heartburn has been hell. It has become one of the worst symptoms of my pregnancy so far. Over the last couple weeks, I have learned that I have gone just a bit insane with myself. I daydream most of the time now. Staring off into space, creating escape plan after playing one other out in my head, only for it to fail. I do this most of the day, nothing has been successful in my head. I am going crazy here. When they come down, I play the quiet submissive role, as my brain runs for freedom. I am still nauseous which is a huge distraction but thankfully have not been sick since the first couple weeks. Guess I might have gotten lucky. I lay here staring and waiting for someone to come give me the first meal of the day. I patiently talk to myself to keep my brain busy; I sing songs, count the number of lights in the room. Unfortunately, I have heard a number of arguments from the group above, all about me. I have been here and alive the longest according to Mitchell, he also shared that the longest they have ever held a victim was a day or two; only if they needed a really good cleaning.

He comes to entertain me at least once every couple days. He even brought down a tv, so I do not get too bored out of my mind although, it has only been turned on for about an hour one time. But it was also the best single hour so far, they had turned on the tv to comedy central, big bang theory was on, where Sheldon and Amy meet for the first time. Very good episode, great show, made me recall the late nights, my family would all sit in the living room with blankets and bowls of popcorn watching movies and shows together. I loved those nights as we would either laugh together or cry. Either way it was family time, we always tried to have family time once a day, mom had made it her mission to make sure we all got along enough. I cannot say she was wrong, since in the moment I was able to recall the fond memories, I was in a living nightmare.

I listen as the noise from above falls through the cracks, loud yelling, Hank and Mitchell has been fighting a lot lately about me and the baby. Can sometimes hear bits and pieces but never enough to actually make out what the argument is about this time. I lay listening, knowing Mitchell will come down as soon as they are done fighting. I do in a way feel bad about being the reason but also knowing that they are monsters seems to alleviate the guilt. It has my mind flashing back several years ago to my parents; they had been having troubles and it hit a high right before Adam was born, I remember my mom being very heavily pregnant. They had been struggling with each other, at least that is what they told us after everything settled down. I vividly recall the night, my mom had gone out to meet up with some friends, me and my siblings had no clue at the time that they had been having any issues. Our dad had left Tobias in charge as he left saying he was running errands. Only for a couple hours later when dad came home, he gathered us in the living room, sat us down and started to talk.

"Tonight, things are going to change, your mom will not be coming home. And you all will be picking up slack around the house. I know you do not understand, but it is for the best." He states without remorse, yet I can see he is hurting too.

My siblings start crying in outrage. At the time this occurred I had gotten my license and car 2 months before this. I stood up not meeting my dad's eyes, walked right by him and out the door. I left and stayed at my friend's house about ten minutes from the house. That next morning my mom called saying she was home and she had called the police on my dad, kicked him out and that I was not to come home until she called me back. I waited all morning in anxious worry. Once she called, I did not hesitate. She had obviously been crying all night, once I had seen here, I rushed to her, hugging her. I remember us all sitting down at the kitchen table as we all listened to my mom explain what happened. My mom and her friends went to a restaurant which had a bar and was packed with people, as my mom and her friends were all sitting down chatting, some guys joined them, having been friends with my moms' friends. My mom thinks that my dad must have drove by when he got worried about her and seen the men at the table. At some point one of the men become drunk and started hitting on my very sober and very pregnant mom, the dude must have taken a chance and leaned in, planting a kiss. My dad must have seen and stormed over to the table, he supposedly told my mom she was not allowed home and to not bother trying to see us kids. He was going to change the locks. He stormed off leaving my mom a mess at the restaurant. The whole mess was based off assumptions and confusion as know one really knew that actual truth. Yet when my mom had called the cops on my dad, he left; going straight to my parents shared bank and withdrawing every dime. He would rather leave his family broke with no money than try to fix the problem and help his kids. My mom ended up filing for a restraining order which only lasted a month. My dad was allowed visitations with us kids but since me and Tobias were old enough, we were able to decide if we wanted to see him or not, which neither of us did.