Butterfly Wings

Completely Blind

Day 100

I feel bloated, not even pregnant just bloated. It is gross yet I guess it is normal, got to start somewhere. It is late into the day as I watch the news report on repeat for yet what feels like the hundredth time. I cannot seem to give it up, I cried so hard when Mitchell came down two days after giving me the DVD when he tried to turn it off. I do not think I have ever sobbed so hard in my entire life, I could not even breath I was so upset. Once he turned it back on, I stopped instantly and glued my eyes to the TV. It was the only thing that has kept my mind from chatting away inside my busy brain. Now he has another bright idea, he had apparently borrowed, which we should say stolen, an ultrasound machine from work, he has been letting me hear the baby's heartbeat and does visual checks as he calls them. He said we should be able to see the baby better this week, I am measuring as he says closing to fourteen maybe fifteen weeks.

"Sounds about right." As he usually says.

I lay watching him stare at the small screen staring hard at the baby, we watch the baby wiggle around, yet I feel nothing at all. I can feel the smallest hint of a smile on my face as I watch the baby, my baby on the screen. I feel too weird saying that. I do want kids, but do I really want Hanks or Mitchells kid. Absolutely not. But what can I do about it if it is one of theirs. I listen to the baby's heartbeat pounding like music through the room. I feel so vulnerable to these people, they are in control of everything that happens, and I cannot fight any of it. I watch as Mitchell turns off the machine and starts cleaning me up. I just hope that this baby comes out normal like me and not sick like them.

"Mitch, dad is asking for you." I hear a voice I have not heard too often say.

I watch as Mitchell sighs before cleaning up the rest before he turns and heads up the stairs. I feel myself sigh as well being left alone finally seems like a relief anymore. Once I hear voices outside start shouting however my interest is peaked as I listen in, yet I cannot hear what is being said but can hear footsteps walking down to me. I know in a split second it is not Mitchell as I can hear his voice shouting in the distance. I see two men walk in with Hank on their heels. Hank smiles at me with a grin that I recognize all too well. I watch the first man walk away to the workshop area of the room, as I hear something big being rolled into the room. I feel Hank lean down and whisper in my ear.

"This was going to happen sooner or later; it will only hurt for a bit. And do not worry butterfly we will make it quick." He sighs out kissing me lightly on the cheek before pulling away.

I feel my heart begin to pound as I swing my head quickly to get a look, the machine is huge but the piece that scares me looks like it might go inside of me. I start breathing heavily as I watch the two men get it switched on and start putting other pieces on. It is like some Frankenstein machine. I can still hear Mitchell yelling from outside, but my head has drowned him out watching them work as I try to figure out what they are doing. Suddenly one of the men behind the machine shouts in glee.

"Fucking got it to work, was worried I broke it from last time." He laughs slapping his hand on the other man's back.

"Now if only you could figure out how not to break my shit next time Mickey, then we would not have these issues." The other man sighs rolling his eyes.

"Sorry but Drew does not know how to have fun like we do." Hank says laughing out loud with Mickey.

I watch as Drew squats at Mickeys arm to get his hand off before he nods and begins to move the big hook like piece over towards my face. I feel myself shake and the sweat builds as panic overcomes me. I feel mickey take hold of my waist and Hank moves his hands toward my head, in this moment I start to swing my head around like a maniac trying to get away, but Hank is quicker than I give him credit for, as he grabs my head, straightening it back out and locking his arms so I cannot move at all. I watch as drew then moves toward my face with a smaller item. I lock myself down, tightening my jaw and squeezing my eyes tight. I feel his hands start to pry at my eye lids opening the left eye without my permission, I try to fight him but of course they have the upper hand. He moves the tools the hold my eye lids open. I can feel a burning pain where the tool is, my hands gripping the sides of the table, as I cry out from the sudden pain. I feel Hank lean down his head next to my ear on the opposite side as he whispers what a normal person would call sweet nothings into my ear. I would just call it creepy and disgusting. I then hear the machine come on as I see Drew adjust the machine to be as close as possible.