Missing Things

lost friends

Carl's personal life had taken a hit during the pandemic.

He and his partner had broken up at the beginning of December 2019. They had been together five years and the breakup had left Carl heartbroken and empty.

He knew the winter would be hard. He would have to navigate its short days and long nights alone, and he knew he would be lonely. And he would have to endure its triad of terrible holidays — Christmas, New Years, and Valentine's.

So he kept himself busy. He went out with friends. He joined a board game club. He waited for spring to come. He had told himself that once spring came, he would feel better and he would join some dating apps.

But before spring could come, a pandemic did, and everyone went into lockdown.

Carl hoped it wouldn't be too serious. That it would burn through fast. That it would be like SARS.

He decided to take advantage of the solitude and the spare time.

He did what everyone did: he learned how to make sourdough bread; he tried watercolour painting; he read all the books he had left unread.

But as the summer progressed and the pandemic extended into the fall and then the winter, the depression set in.

He and his friends decided to form a 'bubble'. They agreed to only see each other and no one else. If any of them went out, they would isolate for two weeks before seeing the rest of the group. If anyone got sick, everyone else would take took turns dropping off groceries at their door. When everyone was well, they would eat together once a week.

At first it worked out, and Carl felt like the lockdown wouldn't be so bad. He started to work out again. He started to sleep again. His depression started to lift.

Then the whole thing fell apart.

One day one of the members of the bubble fell sick. His wife couldn't understand how he could have gotten sick: he only ever left the house to walk the dog in the morning. Then he admitted that he had been having an affair.

Trust was lost. The bubble burst. The friend group fell apart. And Carl was alone again.

For a little while Carl found some solace online. He joined Slack spaces and Discord servers. He participated in the online activities organized by the company.

At the time the company's attitude had been that everyone needed to maintain connection to continue to be productive. Online trivia games and virtual escape rooms were organized. There were virtual after-work drinks on Fridays.

This was how Carl became friends with Brad. They were paired together in a virtual escape room one Thursday afternoon and not only did they win the game, but they got along well, too! They paired up again for the next escape room game, and then for Trivia Night.

They became a fixture in the games. No one asked who they would pair up with because everyone knew that Carl and Brad would always be on the same team.

They had such a good time in the games that they started calling each other afterwards to talk. Then they started calling each other on evenings when there were no games, eating supper together over FaceTime, watching movies and shows, giving each other tours of their apartments.

When lockdown started to lift, the company stopped organizing the online events. Everyone's workload increased. Soon everyone was too busy to socialize.

And somehow in all this change, Carl lost his connection to Brad.

Now he and Brad only talked from time to time. They didn't FaceTime anymore. They didn't talk after hours.

And Carl was alone again in his home office, staring at a screen.