Jesse, Walt, and Mike were all standing in front of the wreckage of the Las Pollos Hermanos plane, well actually, Mike was lying down a few feet from them dreaming about cancer waifus or something.
"B*TCH THIS SUCKS!" Jesse bitched and moaned, "Baghdad is still days away on car! The hell are we supposed to do now Mr White?!"
"Why're you asking me?! This wasn't my fault!" Husseinburg said, "And I thought we agreed YOU were supposed to carry all the ingredients!" They both looked on helplessly as the meth chemical ingredients were being burned to shit inside the plane's flaming cargo hold.
"Nuh-uh! I agreed to pose as the rabbi!" Jesse said, "MIKE was supposed to hold the ingredients, and YOU were supposed to have us backed up on arrival!"
"First: No, GUS was in charge of our arrival," Walt said, "Second: I didn't think he would just drop us out of the sky to save on transportation tax, I assumed he would have some of those Iraqi-Mexican mafia guys here to escort us. Third: THIS IS IRAQ, NOT ISRAEL."
"Same thing!" Jesse scoffed
"Are you retarded?" Walt asked.
Jesse looked at him and said, "Wait... Israel is a city in Iraq, right?" Jesse asked.
"Walt just stared at him.
"...Right?" Jesse repeated, dumbfounded.
"Fucking kid," Walt whispered under his breath.
"What're we supposed to do with him?" Jesse said, gesturing to the still fast-asleep Mike.
"Oh yeah baby..." Mike whispered under his snores, "Is that tumor growing or are you just excited to see me..."
"MIKE WAKE UP!" Walt yelled and kicked him in the gut.
"h-HEY! Wha-!" Mike immediately shot up in the sand and shook his head before facing the two, "Oh hey... status?"
"FUCKED," Jesse stated.
"Damn... and the plane?" Mike asked
"busted," Walt said, "Just like your eyesight, clearly."
"Damn," Mike whimpered, "And the meth ingredia-"
"Fried," Walt said.
"Cooked," Jesse said. On instant, Jesse and Walt both looked at each other, and then at the cargo hold, which they peered closer into.
"Holy sharmuta Mr White! (I've been researching middle eastern swears for this fanfic)" Jesse cheered.
"YEAH!" Walt shouted with joy and high-fived Jesse. Under the perfect conditions, with the cooking flames of the smoking plane, in tune with the motion of the plane falling out of the sky, in which the cargo hold was already cold enough high up there for the meth to start the process after all the vials and cases had shattered, and to top it all off, this hot ass wasteland of a desert (Ok I don't know how meth cooking works) Walt, Jesse, and Mike found themselves with a perfectly good batch of meth sitting right there waiting for them to pad out the flames and pour into their lunchboxes.
"Awesome betch!" Jesse cheered and looked around, "Now..."
"Now we still need to find a way to Baghdad," Walt said, "... Mike, do you know if-"
"Ohhh yeahhh... I'll show your body a real C-cell... Waltuhhhh..." Mike snored, fast asleep once again.
"BIDEN!!!" Jesse shouted at Mike.
Just Biden, that's all he had to say... I don't know.
"Jesse." Walt said.
"Shut up Mr White, I'm calling NATO," Jesse said while pulling out his phone, "Ain't no way I'm dying out here betch!"
YOU ARE READING
Breaking Baghdad
MizahEver since 2020, Gus Fring has been struggling desperately to make enough profits from his business outlets in order to survive in Joe Biden's America, now he is forced to steer his drug empire in a new direction. To save his lovely Mexicanos, Gus h...
