Janto (One Shots)

Now he's gone

Ianto's Diary:

Dear Diary,

Today is the 22nd of September , 2007. Jack came back. We all thought he had actually died this time. I guess not. Gwen stayed with him for days. Every day, she'd come in and look after him. Waiting for that gasp of air to wake him up. Can anything actually kill him? Is he truly invisible? Anyway, that's beside the point. When him and Gwen walked into the main area of the hub, Tosh ran to him first, before I even noticed. When she got up I turned to see what was happening, and there he was. I thought I was hallucinating at first. I thought there was no way he could be standing there, but he was, and god knows I missed him. If it wasn't for Gwen wanting to sit with him the entire time, I would've. Maybe not for as long as she did, and not as constant, considering there is work to be done, but I would've every chance I got. When he came over to me I tried to shake hands with him. That's the regular employee and boss reaction I think. But he pulled me in for a cwtch and it was so nice. The scent of those 51st century pheromones. Finally being to feel him again. He pulled me in for a kiss afterwards. It never felt so nice. Although, Owen saw. Which wasn't ideal, but it'll be fine. Jack makes me feel safe. I know he'll do his best to look out for me, as I'd do the same for him.

Dear Diary,

Today is the 23rd of September , 2007. He has left again. He came back only yesterday and today he's waltzed off again. For all any of us know, he could be dead. Tosh, Owen and I went to go grab some coffee's for the team, and when we came back he was gone. Gwen later explained how his "hand-in-a-jar thingy machine" started beeping, and some wind blew around the hub and then he was gone. Jack has explained that machine to me before, what it does, why he has it. Its a "doctor-detector", it beeps whenever his doctor is around or close enough he can get there in time. He wants to see him again. See if his doctor can fix him. I haven't told the others this info. I don't want to get their hopes up that he is okay. I mean, he probably is. I hope he is. But still, we don't know when he'll come back, or if he ever will. Gwen is trying to be optimistic about it, she's taken charge. I don't think Owen is thrilled about that, since officially, he is second-in-command, but i think Gwen will do better in charge then Owen. I think we are just the second best option. I know he'd prefer to be traveling with his doctor. He's told me stories before. Something about a girl named Rose and a zombie child thing with a gas mask. Also, how the last time he saw his doctor was before being left on a space station called "satellite 5". It sounds exiting. But we need him here. I hope he will be back soon. 

Dear Diary,

Today is the 14th of December, 2007. Normal rift activity today. Gwen is starting to feel the strain of the paperwork she needs to do. She thought she had a lot before. Rhys proposed to her yesterday. She was showing off the ring to all of us today. Although i don't know Rhys that well, he seems like a really great guy. We've still heard nothing from Jack. It's almost been 3 months now. We haven't mentioned him since the day he left. Everyone is acting like nothing happened. I can't say much though, i am doing the same. We have work to do. We don't have time to be sad. We have important work to do and if we don't, it could endanger the planet. I would've at least appreciated a good bye, or any information about where he is. I miss him. I really miss him. I am trying to get over him, and accept he isn't coming back. There is no point in wasting my energy on someone who has left me. Although, that is much easier said then done. I still have a nagging hope he will come back. I know he won't. I want him to come back. Nothing feels right without him here. I hope he is safe, wherever he is.

Dear Diary,

Today is the 26th of January, 2008. We had to track for a blowfish driving a sports car today. Never thought that would be something that I'd do, but now i have. Jack came back. It's only been 4 months, with no contact, or anything. When i saw him i couldn't tell if i wanted to punch him or kiss him. I've missed him so much but the way he expected to just waltz back into torchwood as if nothing happened is insane. Although, i have noticed he is acting a little different today. I don't know what happened to him while he was away, but i doubt it was good. Jack got a message his vortex manipulator, from a man named John Hart who was a little to comfortable around Jack. Jack made it clear though that he had no interest in him. John mentioned something about Jack and him being "time agents". It's just another reminder that i still know nothing about him. He knows everything about me, yet i know barely anything about him. Granted, i know more then most of the team, but it still hurts that he can't trust me enough to tell me more. Jack asked me out on a date. I wanted to just be cold and unloving towards him, but I've been wanting to go out with him for so long i couldn't say no. I am annoyed at him, but i am so happy he is back.

Dear Diary,

Today is the 24th of July, 2009. I found this diary in some of Ianto's things. I couldn't help myself but read some of it. See what he thought of me. God, I'm being selfish. I am trying to follow the same structure that he did in his entries. So here it goes. Ianto died yesterday. That still feels unreal. It feels wrong. It feels like just a bad dream i haven't woken up from yet. Hopefully i will soon. I can't go back to Cardiff. Not now. It hurts too much. Everywhere i look i see his face. I see his smile. Its nice for a moment until it morphs into his face with that blue light illuminating his face with tears in his eyes, knowing he is about to die. I couldn't even say i love you back to him. How pathetic. Now he died not ever knowing i love him. What am i meant to do now he's gone? These are the times i wish i could die. Then i would've died with him. We would've been together. But now, we are forever separated. I couldn't save him, just like i couldn't save Tosh, or Owen, or any of the others before them. I now will just get to live with the guilt of not being good enough forever. I miss him so much, its only been 24 hours. Why him? Why not me? I would've done anything to stop that from happening. I would've given up anything and everything to have gotten to keep him alive and safe. I will never forget him. In one hundred years, one thousand years, one million, one billion. He will never be forgotten. Because i love him.