Forever Love

Chapter 33

I looked closely to the red sign that was still lit, saying "On air", waiting for it to go out so I could finally leave. And then it did. I sighed from the relief of it being over. I was glad I could go back home now, this life in the spotlight was definitely not for me.

Don't get me wrong, I loved being with Gary and took everything in my stride that it took to be with him, even attending award shows and all that shit, but never in a million years could or would I want to be in his place, giving shitloads of interviews, having the press on you all the time. It made me shiver as I even thought of it.

Kate smiled at me and put her hand on my arm "You did well, honestly love."

I nodded "Thanks. Not really my type of thing this is."

"I know but you managed really well."

I smiled as I finally got up, said my goodbyes and went backstage again. My assistant for the day, Helen came over "Well done Clara, that was really brave of you! And congratulations on the pregnancy!"

I smiled and blushed "Thanks."

She took me into another room to get all the wires and stuff removed again before guiding me out of the building again.

The sun shone brightly into my eyes as I stepped out of the ITV building, it had not been like this when I got there earlier. -Hell, what time was it even?- I had no clue.

Now I realised what life for Gary was like at times, I mean obviously I knew what he did and what he went through by him telling me everything, but to be in his shoes, if only for one television interview was entirely different. I could only imagine what it was like hoping from one interview to another during promotion, being in this bubble of not even knowing what time of the day it was.

I went over to my car and as I sat inside I took a few moments to calm down and focus. I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths, letting the memories of what had happened this morning pass before me. I had gone to fucking ITV GMTV and given a fucking interview on live telly, what the fuck?! I had confirmed that Gary and me were having another baby to the whole nation after he had previously given a hint on radio?! This was so crazy and so not like me at all but I had done it.

Suddenly I felt anxious. Had I done something wrong? What if I had said something I shouldn't have? What would Gary say when he came back? What if he got angry at me for doing this in the first place? What if he got so angry at me once he'd find out he leaves me?
-No, no, Clara, he wouldn't go that far.-
I bit my lip, shaking my head, hoping I had done at least okay.

Finally I felt confident enough again to drive my car so I started the engine and drove home, for once not listening to the radio. I knew that I could miss Gary by not listening, but I just needed the peace and quiet, I didn't want to be confronted with the media anymore right now.
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I pulled up outside our house and quickly got inside, if I was honest I just wanted to lay down, threw a blanket overmyself and not get up until Gary was back. I didn't want a telly, I didn't want radio, I didn't want my phone, nothing that could let me see or hear about what I had done earlier that day. Hell, I hadn't even checked my phone all morning so far!

I sighed as I turned the key and opened the frontdoor to my home. Immediately I could hear giggles from the livingroom. I poked my head around the door "Hello?"

Immediately Lena, our babysitter, turned around "Oh, hello Mrs Barlow!"

I smiled as I watched her get up from the carpet that lay in the middle of the room, lifting James up with her as she did so "Hello Lena, you alright?"

She nodded dutifully as she handed me James "Yes thank you. How was the interview? It did look very good on television. Congratulations by the way."

I shrugged "Thank you. It wasn't too bad actually. How was James?" I didn't really want to tell her how I felt, I mean of course both Gary and I trusted her, but I wasn't ready to lay down my cards to her and tell her about my feelings right now.

She smiled " James was such a good boy as per usual."

I nodded "Good, good."

"Well I guess I'm off then, unless you need me to stay any longer?"

I shook my head and smiled "No, no, but thank you." I showed Lena out, balancing James on my hip.

I closed the door behind her and then looked down at my son who was looking up at me. I smiled and kissed his head "My boy, I love you so much, I really do."

He wrapped his little arms around my neck "Mumma..." It wasn't a cry or whine, it was just him saying Mum but it made my heart swell.

And just then realisation hit me that this, right here was my world. I didn't need to be famous, I didn't even want to. Like I said that was Gary's thing. In contrary, being here, home, looking after my son, that was all I needed. I felt happy being the one keeping everything going at home. I touched my stomach with one hand smiling, thinking, yep, this was it. That was my job, my mission.

Suddenly my phone rang. I sighed, still not really wanting to be confronted with anything or anyone that came from the world that was outside the four walls of our house here in central London. But then again, it could have been important.

And so I gave in, grabbing my phone to look at who was calling. Mum/Dad. Oh. "Hello?"

"Clara, it's mum."

I smiled at hearing my mum's voice "Oh, how are you?"

"Good good, you?"

"Not too bad. Just wanted to say you looked good on tv."

I swallowed "You saw?"

She chuckled "We did. But you could have told us, your father was quite shocked to see his daughter on tv."

I blushed "Bless him. Sorry that I didn't tell you, I didn't and still don't want to make a fuss about it really."

"Why?"

I sighed, trying to search for words when suddenly an idea sprung to my mind "You know what mum? Gary won't be back from Africa for at least another 5 days, how about James and I come and visit you for a couple of days? Then I can let you, dad, Edward and Sarah in on all the news and stuff?"

I could hear the smile on her face "Oh that sounds wonderful darling! When are you coming?"

"Is tomorrow fine?"

"Perfect, oh Clara I'm so happy."

I chuckled "Me too. See you tomorrow then. Love ya."

"I love you too darling, see you."

I put the phone down and smiled, glad that I had found some kind of distraction from all the waiting for Gary to come back. -Maybe I'll go and visit his parents too.-

Just as I had put the phone down it pinged, a sign that there was a new message. I couldn't resist the intrication of finding out who it was from and what they wanted so I turned the screen on to see that it was Anna.

I smiled and opened her message "BITCH! Why did you not tell me you were going on tv! You looked fucking good tho! xxx"

I laughed out loud at reading her words and quickly typed a response "Sorryyyyyyy it kinda happened so fast...Thanks tho. You got time today?"

"It's okay, I love you still lol. I do, wanna hang out?"

"Love you too haha. That was the idea. Lunch at our fave?"

"Sounds perfect. See you x"