𝐄𝐇𝐒𝐀𝐀𝐒 - essence of love

30 : mi señora torpe

It's a double update so read chapter 29 before heading here. Thank you <3

— ☆⋆｡𖦹°‧ Sehmat's Pov :

I totally understand Rayyan, in fact who would know the pain and the guilt of loosing someone precious, more than me? I too have lost her.

But it's just that in my story, the villain wasn't me, while in Rayyan's, he blames himself for Armaan's death.

Meanwhile, I'm grateful, like a selfish bitch, that I wasn't in her shoes. What happened two years ago has surely had a deep impact on my mental health, but somewhere inside, I've always felt grateful to have come out safely from that hell.

I'm grateful that I survive every single day.

I'm proud that I went through it all and I'm still alive, but she couldn't. It hurts me.

And the fact that I wasn't present at that moment to save her from the monster still eats me up sometimes. But then I forgive myself.

The only difference between my story and Rayyan's is that I forgave myself because it was all destiny, but he hasn't forgiven himself yet.

Healing takes time, and eventually, a person heals, even though some scars stay fresh till the very end. Some mine and some his.

But I reckon we'll go through it together, cause with hurdles comes peace, with sickness comes cure, with pain comes ease, and with scars and wounds comes a healer.

I'll be there for him as his healer, even though I have my own parts that need healing. But I'll make sure to help him and pull him out from drowning in guilt.

Nobody deserves to blame themselves for what happened through destiny. Intentions matter, and if your intentions were pure, you didn't do anything wrong. You shouldn't hurt yourself or blame yourself for what happened.

I've been telling myself the same thing for the past two years after that incident.

It's hard to accept that someone we care about is no longer with us, and the pain of their loss can feel haunting, like devils from hell.

" where are you so lost, mi señora torpe?" he asked breaking me out of my trance. He spoke some weird language catching me off guard.

[ my clumsy lady ]

I was so caught up in my mind, with all those clicking and intense deep thoughts about that person, that I didn't even think to ask him what he said in the other language.

"Sehmat?" he called out, grabbing my attention again, while I found myself getting lost in my thoughts once more.

"Huh?" I husked out in confusion, gazing at him. "Are we ready to go? Did we pack everything?" He asked, looking at the mess on the bed.