: ̗̀➛ Poetry: A Journey

I Fear

There were many things I wanted to do,
Many things I wanted to say to you.
There were many memories I wanted to make,
Not knowing that would be my last memory of you.

I have always thought of all the 'what ifs,'
I have always thought of all the possibilities.
I am not ready to accept it,
No, I am not ready to let you go,
I am still holding on to your memories.

I am still here, waiting for you in the rain,
It's the same summer you disliked, again.
I am the same age as you when you said goodbye,
I kept waiting for you but you never came back,
I kept growing older, but you're still the same boy.

It pains me to think of your smiling face,
When I know that smile was just a facade.
You used to cover up your scars that no one knew,
For now I know how much you must have wept in the dark, alone.

All the things I said that day, you heard,
Not knowing how much you endured 'cause of me, you mourned.
You were always there for me,
While I couldn't be there for you when you needed it the most.
You were alone in the rain, and I couldn't take your pain.

If only I could turn back time,
If only I could hold you one last time,
If only I could bid you one last goodbye,
If only I could tell you all the things I never told you,
If only I hadn't said all the things I did,
If only I could erase everything.
If only...

You left me alone with nothing but regrets,
I am here crying alone, but my eyes have no tears left.
Your memories are slowly fading away,
And I fear I am going to forget you someday.

I fear I will move on and be happy one day,
While you never got a chance to live through that day.
I am the reason for all your pain.
But I am still alive, and you are gone.

I fear I won't remember your face someday.
I fear I will get older than you someday.
While you will be the same as when you left.
And I fear my heart will heal someday.
I fear I don't deserve any of it.