Core Four: Freshman Year

Jasmine

I fluffed my hair in the bathroom mirror between classes.  The Hawaii humidity had wreaked havoc on it.  My curls were almost waist-length but hung in a bunch.  It was not my best hair day.  As I turned to leave the bathroom, a stall door opened.  A tall girl walking quickly from the stall crashed right into me.  While I'm not thin, her sheer muscle strength caused me to fly.

"Aaahhh!" I cried as my backpack and body flew.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" The mystery girl said quickly as she grabbed my backpack.  Her long, fluid body completed all these acts seamlessly. 

"Thank you," I replied when she handed the backpack to me.  "Hey, I'm Jasmine." Not my smoothest introduction, but it had been three years since I had been in a traditional school setting. I was used to being with my brother all day. 

"Hi, I'm Kiana!" Her large hand waved at me. The awkward meeting led to forced smiles, but then I noticed we were walking toward the same building.

"Do you have ceramics now?" I asked.

"Yes, do you?" 

"Yeah," I smiled at her.  About the only instruction I had the past two years was gardening and arts. My mom taught me to draw, paint, and throw pottery.  We lived in her camper on a beach property in Puna, Hawaii. I was really looking forward to having a class that was actually something I had experience in.  

"What school did you come here from?" Kiana asked.

"I, well, Puna. Puna, Hawaii," I finally managed to say.  How do I explain that I came from living in a camper van? That most of my day was spent swimming and growing my own food?

"I've never been there, well, I played a basketball tournament around there.  I didn't see too many buildings or schools in that area," Kiana explained. Her being a basketball player made a lot of sense.  Her height, muscle tone, and coordination was far superior to mine.

"There's not much out there, but at least we had the ocean to call home," I explained.  Kiana nodded, but I know she did not understand the ocean the way I did.  When you live off of it, you have a different perception of how important it is to everyday life.

"You want to sit together?" Kiana asked as we passed the threshold into class.  The room was filled with several giant kilns, about five pottery wheels, and stacks of clay in brown plastic bags.  I breathed in the smell of Earth. It was like I was home again.

"Yeah, for sure," I replied.  We found a quiet spot in the back corner.  I watched more and more kids file into the room. 

"Hi Kiana!" A gawky boy said as he plopped next to me.  "And you are?" His eyes dug into mine. 

"I'm Jasmine," I tried to smile.  My stepmom had told me to smile at everyone and I would make friends right away.  So far, it seemed to be working.

"I'm Elijah.  I know Kiana because she lives across the street from me," Elijah explained.  Now I understood that we were all new friends.  Except that Kiana appeared to know everyone.  She had a high five given to her, a handsome boy asked why he hadn't seen her around her home lately, and several girls wanted to know where she'd be at lunch.  No one came near me. I didn't even earn a glance.

"It's lonely , isn't it?" Elijah asked.

"Yea, I suppose I will know more people eventually..." my voice trailed off with a hint of sadness.

"Do you want to know something funny?" 

"Yeah, sure," I passively agreed.

"I went to school with half of this class for the past three years, and no one says hi to me.  I am pretty sure I was invisible all through middle school," Elijah shared, and this time his voice carried the sadness.

"Well, I'm happy I met you, Elijah.  You're my first friend at Kona High, and I really only know you and Miss Popular over there," I pointed to Kiana.  She was still surrounded by other students.

"Thanks, Jasmine.  That means more than you know." 

I was certain I had made another friend, and this time I didn't even have to force a smile to make it happen.  

"Life will get better and I'm doing great today," I whispered to myself.  I had been trying to repeat positive affirmations, and hoped they would would work to rewire my brain. Right now, I wanted to live off the ocean and garden everyday. I kept working to change the thoughts, one day at a time.

My mother did not return one afternoon in Puna.  In fact, no one knew what happened to her.  They couldn't officially pronounce her dead, but my brother and I knew that was the direction in which the cops were going.  "Do you think she abandoned us on purpose?" Mike, my little brother, had asked me.

"No, she will return one day," I told him and clinged to the words. We loved our mother.  She gave up the master bed in the camper for my brother and I, and she always bought more seeds to plant so were would have food.  Although she would disappear for a few days at a time, she was never gone more than a week.  This time, it had been two weeks.  We had no food left in the camper, and the gardens were not filled with enough food to feed our hungry stomach. 

"I think it's time we contact Dad.  We are both getting boney." Except my brother and I were large-boned people, so we always looked "healthy".  In reality, we were starting to starve.  My dad took a day to reply, and then he showed up to the camper the following day.

"It's time, Jasmine.  You're going to have to move in with me and Stacy."  I didn't want a stepmom.  Stacy was overbearing, controlling and offered her opinion anytime she could insert it.  

"Can we leave Stacy in Puna?" I asked.  My father laughed.  

"No, but she's gotten better. I promise!" My father was not a liar, and so we walked away from our life in Puna.  However, that is where my heart remains to this day.