Unspoken Words

Suburban Summers

"You both aren't dating, yet you aren't JUST friends..."

I remember your face like it was just yesterday when we were riding our bikes down the hot pavement heading to our secret hideaway from the world. Your blonde locks shone in the summer sun and your green eyes were luminous with only wonder. The summer tan peeking out from your shorts and crewneck only to gleam with sweat as we rode harder.

I look back at this moment with ease as I can't help but miss you. I can't help but miss your inflamed passion when you tried to prove yourself and your spark of rebelliousness when we played past sundown. You see, I can't help but miss those days...those hot summer days when I could do nothing but pine for you. When I could do nothing but fall deeper in love with the girl you once were.

As you rode past me I smiled at your competitiveness and tried to keep up, but no matter how hard I tried you always beat me in everything. You had this natural effortlessness that I couldn't help but marvel at. I did that a lot. Marveling with wonderment at you.

We threw our bikes to the dirt as we ran down the path to the clear water of the river. I remember running beside you trying my hardest to keep up, but with every step, my legs grew weary with tiredness, and you eventually would pass me. I think back then, I knew more of your back than I did of your face. I think it was comforting to know I had you in front of me like I had your back or something, then the worries of you being beside me. I think back then I was scared to do anything more than just memorize your back.

You turned to me that day and smiled as our legs had grown tired from the run and we had decided to walk the rest of the way to the river. I will never forget the sun shining through the brush onto your face, highlighting your perfection as you smiled at me. You see you had never looked back at me before then. You had always had this regalness as if you were always pushing forward wanting to be in the front. Wanting to shine above others...above me.

I remember looking at you shyly as if studying your face because I was scared that that moment might be my last picture of you, only to then fumble over a rock in the path and for you to reach out toward me, grasping my hand. Your smile turned to a laugh as you remarked at my clumsiness, but I couldn't help but notice the ease at which your hand grasped mine. They had seemed to fit perfectly into one another and that was all I could focus on. That was all I could notice until you let go only to turn back and walk further down the path seeming to always leave me in your wake.

I ran to catch up, pausing only briefly when you knelt down to tie your shoe. The atmosphere between us somehow felt awkward as I couldn't help but look down at my hand remembering your touch just seconds ago. I could see you looking at me from the corner of my eye as you looked up from your lace. I could see you looking at my hand and I often wonder what you felt at that moment. If you felt the same as I did back then or if maybe, just maybe, you felt something else.

I laughed nervously and quickly covered it with a cough waiting for you to finish. I have always waited for you. Back then, that was all I could do and even now...maybe I am still waiting. Perhaps still stuck at this moment. Forever remembering.

You stood up gracefully and patted me on the back asking if I needed some water from the water bottle you held in your hand. I gladly took it not daring to look at your face. I remember brushing your fingers and retracting a little bit as I took the bottle, but never looking at your face. I don't know if you noticed, but I tried not to as I was scared at what I might've seen on your face. I hope you didn't notice, but if you did, you never showed it.

We continued our walk, separately, with me behind you as always. It seemed to bring me comfort when just moments ago I had only nervousness within me. You didn't dare turn back at me again, and I wonder now if it was because your face was equally as pink as mine or maybe because those fleeting moments were just nothing.