Unspoken Words

Bland Taste of Sweetness

The bland taste of sweetness. This is what I remember of our brief time together. It was so infectious, so much so, that I crave it even now.

I used to say how tame I felt when I was around you, how you didn't make my heart skip like the last one. I used to complain as if I wanted something adventurous, something arousing perhaps. In reality, I missed out on the little things.

I realize now what I craved was something more than just you. I craved your kindness I craved your smile and goofy expressions. I craved... you.

It's funny to think about now. See, the whole time I was with you I thought about him. Subconsciously of course, but still there. Always lurking, making me second guess my next move. My move with you.

He was like a parasite crawling into my heart while I was with you. Always there, lurking in the depths of my own mind. I hate even thinking about it. I hate what I did to you. I hate it all.

I'm ashamed. The things I felt for you were real. I know they were. But, they were overshadowed by the illness of another. He infected my heart so easily and I looked outward for comfort which sadly was you.

You were nice and always there when I needed you. I didn't mean to actually fall for you. And I look back at our time, knowing how much I wasn't ready for you. For your love.

I'm sorry you got swept up in the path of my emotional tornado. Its spiraling winds pick up everything in its path, ripping and shredding. I've always been emotionally unsteadied like a tornado not knowing what I want or what I need.

I was so lost in my own selfishness that I entirely forgot about your feelings. Even now, I forget how much you liked me, how much you invested in me. Just, sadly I could not reciprocate this feeling and now I think I will never again.

Your sweetness drove me insane as I thought I needed a man who only knew how to bully me. I didn't realize what I needed was you, your sweetness. I didn't realize what I need was a real man, not a boy.

I hope you never forgive my confusion and uncertainty as we move on to better times. I hope you will never understand my feelings and can grow from what I did to you. I hope you never ever forgive my soul as it never will move on from your kindness.