Unspoken Words

I'm Sorry, Friend

I've dreamed of you every night,

your soft demanding whispers and nightly tender kisses

that burn bright

only in the crevices

of my neck.

I've dreamed of you every night,

your calloused hands wrapped around my waist

in zealous delight

as if your fingertips retraced

the curves of my body.

I've dreamed of you every night,

your husky voice that invaded my feelings

consuming my own fright

into soft crumbling's

that no other man could do.

Why did I have to fall for you?

Your dreamy eyes that sparkle with mischief and a cocky smirk that can see right through me. We've known each other for so long yet we have always struggled together. Is it me or you, that doesn't seem to fit right?

Though I've dreamed of you, have you dreamt of me? I've often wondered if you have. If you look at me the same as I look at you. I often wonder about such things as these. Thoughts that shouldn't be thought yet I do them anyways.

This aimless spiral we seem to be stuck in must stop. Your magnetic force pulls me in and stifles my mind until you are all I see. Your silky tuggable hair, your childlike smile, and your alluring mischief filled eyes draw me closer and closer to you. This gravitational pull feeds off my inability to tell you no and my fear to let you go.

I contemplate every word, every sentence, every paragraph when I talk to you. You have my heart in your palm and all I can do it turn away. No matter how many times I run, I always run back to you.

All I want, All I need is your time now. Do you remember when you told me your love language is time? Sometimes I look back at our younger years, our years of hate, fondness, and passion. I smile at those years. They were the most erratic and loving years of my life and I know I have a lot of my life to live still, but you were one of my first loves. Someone who I had crushed on so aggressively, so passionately, I lost myself within those pretty-boy eyes of yours.

Now those years, those memories we shared, are suffocating me. You're suffocating me.

I thought long and hard about this moment. What I could say to you, I mean, what I needed to say to you. Don't you understand, friend? This relationship that we share, no matter how much I love it, is toxic. It's like an infinity rain cloud that pours on us, on our love for each other if that is even what it is now. My heart can't bear this rain cloud alone nor do I even want to try anymore.

I'm sorry friend, but this is the finite end to our infinite love.