The Ideas of Love

Chapter 35.

It surprised Tyler when Billie came out in a T-shirt and jeans. He had seen Billie in male clothing before, but it always surprised Tyler when he saw that. Because Billie looks so handsome even with his pink hair still screaming the other side of his personality. Billie forced Tyler to go to another doctor in LA so he could talk about the heart transplant. Tyler did tell Billie about how his doctor in Milwaukee said that he was less likely to get the heart in time. They still kept this secret from everyone, but Chris knew already, so Tyler asked him to come with them. It's actually surprising for Tyler to know that Drew actually likes Chris a lot. They even had sex on their first date. Chris only ever had sex on his first date if he really liked the guy, so Chris likes the guy too. Drew was about to leave as Tyler went to Chris's bedroom. Jeff and Joe still stayed at Billie's apartment; they haven't met Chris yet after he moved in a few days ago. Myla went back for the night to check on Tyler. She was pretty happy when Tyler told her that Billie makes him happy. Myla told Tyler that she'd punch Billie if he hurt Tyler. 
"Are you ready?" Tyler peeked into Chris' bedroom.
"Yeah.." He smiled and hugged Tyler. 
"Are you doing okay with Billie?"
"He's great.." Tyler blushed.
"Oh wow, the great, most eligible bachelor is blushing." He teased Tyler.
"I'm a married man, Chris." Tyler bit his lip. The truth is, he missed Jeff, no matter how great Billie is. He was dreaming that his happy ending would finally come true when he married his best friend. That's far from what happened now.
"No.. Your husband doesn't even want to stay for you. That's how bad he is. I'm looking forward to suing his ass for the divorce." Chris rolled his eyes.
"I'm not suing for a divorce. I'm going to annul the marriage." Tyler sighed.
"Come on, we don't want to be late." Billie started to drag Chris and Tyler.
There was an awkward silence when they were waiting for the doctor because it's going to raise the question of whether Tyler went to a doctor with two other men. Billie was a little uncomfortable because he doesn't like hospitals, while Chris was anxious for what the doctor would say. Tyler, on the other hand, doesn't really know what to think because, in truth, he already accepted his fate—that he's dying.
"Hi, I'm Doctor McCarthy." The male doctor, who's just come in, introduced himself. Tyler and two other men nodded. "So, I read your file, and I know the doctor in Milwaukee told you that you need a heart transplant?" He asked.
"Yeah," Tyler answered weakly. 
"Well, there's good and bad news." The doctor forced a smile. "The good news is you might not need the transplant. But you need surgery, and it's experimental."
"Experimental? How dangerous is that?" Chris stepped in right away. Billie looks so upset by that news.
"Well, it's like a 50% success rate." The doctor tried to explain, but he can see that the two men beside his patient are very upset now.
"That's so low." Billie shook his head.
"If he didn't get it, he could die anytime before he got the heart." Chris fights Billie back.
"I'm not going to decide on anything before I speak to my husband." Tyler tried to stop the fight.
"Can we bump him up on the transplant list? I have money." Billie is still convinced that a transplant is the best for Tyler.
"I think both of you need to get out. I need to talk with the doctor. Privately." Tyler finally got tired of Billie and Chris. 
Billie and Chris left the room hesitantly. Tyler asked a little more about the surgery and his chances of getting a heart transplant. He knew that he wanted to try the surgery, but he also knew that it might mean that his time was even shorter than he imagined. He still wants to spend some time with Billie and Jeff. When he was done talking with the doctor, he told Billie and Chris to go home without him because he needed to talk to Jeff. Billie gave the address to Tyler; he offered to take Tyler there, but Tyler rejected it. He doesn't want to complicate things by bringing Billie into the equation. He knocked on the door when he arrived at Joe's and Jeff's place. He tried to prepare himself, but he still felt sadness when he saw Jeff giggling half-naked when Joe opened the door. He wished that Jeff would be that happy with him. Jeff covered himself right away as he heard Tyler's clearing his throat on the other side of the door.
"Well, that's a bummer. I thought it was our lunch delivery. But it's just you." Joe rolled his eyes.
"I'm here to talk about the annulment." Tyler lied.
"I don't want that." Jeff protested.
"You left and lived with another man. What's more to save from our marriage?" Tyler felt the pain in his chest again. It's not his heart, but Jeff really hurts his feelings. 
"Joe, can you leave for a bit and let me talk to my husband?" Jeff asked.
"No. There's nothing you need to talk about with him. You've decided that you want me, not him." Joe refused.
"Joe, please stop that. I need to talk to Tyler." Jeff insisted.
"Fine.." Joe grabbed his jacket, his wallet, and his keys, then left.
Tyler sat next to Jeff. He tried to consider whether he really wanted to spread the news to Jeff. Jeff grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "Ty, I'm sorry I left." He said.
"Are you happy with him?" Tyler asked.
"I'm...." Jeff sighed a little.
"Yeah, I don't need to hear that again." Tyler stopped. He decided not to tell Jeff about his heart because there's no point. "I'm dating Billie now. I really would like to annul the wedding."
"Is that what you want?" Jeff didn't want that, but he also thinks Tyler deserves to be happy.
"Just sign it when I send it." Tyler stood up. 
"You are not here to tell me that. If that's what you want to tell me, you would bring the paperwork with you." Jeff pulled Tyler's wrist.
"Fine, I wanted to check up on you and Joe. I made a mistake, and you are so happy with him. I should have known." Tyler sighed. He can't tell the truth.
"I don't want to stay with Joe! I want to be with my husband!" Jeff yelled at Tyler out of frustration. 
"I want you so badly. I missed you every night." He started to sob.
"Just stop that, please. I can't do this anymore. You were so happy with Joe; I saw it with my own eyes. Please stop lying to me." Tyler shook his head. "I knew I lost my hope to be your lover when you met Joe; I just never thought I lost my best friend too." He pushed Jeff's hand away. "Just forget about me. Please don't ever contact me again." 
"Tyler, please forgive me." Jeff begged, but Tyler kept going. He bumped into Joe as he went out of the apartment. Joe looks pissed off. 
"You know that he'll do anything for you, and you're just a shy person." He pushed Tyler.
"I am. You should be happy now; you won't see me ever again." Tyler felt sadness when he said it. 
He and Joe had sex multiple times before, and he loves him. He's not only breaking it up with Jeff but also with Joe. He walked away after that, so Joe couldn't see him crying. This is the best thing to do; at least Jeff and Joe would not feel sad when he died. Tyler took the train and walked for more than half an hour to Billie's house because he needed to calm himself down after those sad breakups. When he arrived, Billie sat alone on the couch. Tyler asked where Chris was, and Billie told Tyler that Chris went out to see Drew. Then he asked Tyler to sit next to him.
"So, how did Jeff react?" Billie asked.
"I didn't tell him. I can't. He's happy with Joe." Tyler sighed.
"Are you going to listen to me now, then?" Billie asked.
"Fine." Tyler sighed.
"You're going to do the surgery." Billie seems to have changed his mind.
"I thought you wanted me to wait for the transplant." Tyler cocked his head and stared at Billie.
"I was, but I talked with Chris, and I agree that we have to learn more about the surgery. He told me that he knew people who didn't survive after waiting for years for transplants. I hate the idea that the surgery's survival rate is only 50%, but I can't risk losing you 100% because we didn't try other options." He grabbed Tyler's hand.
"I need time to think about it. I want to annul my marriage first, and maybe..." Tyler blushed a little. He knew he fell in love with Billie, and the fact that Billie kept asking him to marry him inspired him to actually get married to Billie before he died.
"Maybe what?" Billie realized where this was going, so he laid his head on Tyler's lap.
"I fell in love with you." He kissed the cute face on his lap. "I want to marry you." He smiled as he said that.
"I hope we have enough time." Billie's face turned sad.
"Well, I will try not to die before marrying you then." Tyler chuckled.
"That's not funny. I love you, and I can't imagine living without you." Billie's tears started to run down his smooth cheeks.
"Billie, please don't cry, baby." He rubbed Billie's smooth cheek and kissed it.
"But you are not well, and you could die! That's not a joke! I don't want to lose you." Billie rubbed his face against Tyler's crotch now. He could feel Tyler's dick getting excited. "Should I suck you?" Billie grinned while his tears were still running.
"Billie, you have to decide if you want to cry or be horny." Tyler kissed Billie's soft lips.
"I don't want you to die." He pouted again.
"I deserve to die. I'm a slut, and I lied to my husband. I cheated on him with you." Tyler swung to his dark place.
Billie pulled himself up and hugged Tyler tightly. "Please don't go there."
"He was so happy, Billie. I love him so much." Tyler felt his tears coming out now. "But I am a slut and a cheater. I can't even make my best friend happy. I thought it was my happy ending when I got married to him."
"Baby, you are not a slut or a cheater. You saw how happy he is. He's not yours; he is in love with Joe." Billie rubbed Tyler's face. "But I love you, and I want you. I know I'm not Jeff, but I really hope I am enough to make you feel that you want to be alive and healthy again."
"It's not you, Billie..." Tyler pushed Billie aside. "I need to call Jeff."
He stood up and grabbed his phone from his pocket. Billie wanted to pull him back, but he shook his head, and Billie pulled himself away. Tyler dialed up Jeff's number. It only takes Jeff a few seconds to pick it up.
"Ty.." Jeff sounded so sad. "I thought you would choose me." Tyler couldn't hold back his disappointment.
"I choose you. But you rejected me over and over again. Run away with me, please. I want to live just with you, even if it's only a day or a week. I want to be your husband." Jeff sobbed.
Tyler stared at Billie, and he knew how upset Billie was right now. He wants to run away with Jeff, but he knows he will only make Jeff sad. So he hung up instead. He can't continue hurting everyone around him. He walked to Billie and kissed his head. "I'm going away for a few days. I need time. I'm sorry, Billie. I love you so much. I just don't think I deserve you or Jeff."
"No! You are not leaving and killing yourself!" Billie got angry. It's a rare thing to see Billie mad. But Tyler knew he was seriously mad. 
"I'm not killing myself. I will die soon enough anyway. I just need some time alone." Tyler sighed.
"No.." Billie grabbed him and hugged him. "I want to be with you. I'll do whatever it takes."
"I'm not leaving you forever, I promise." Tyler sighed again. He shouldn't push it.
"Then I'll kill myself! You can get my heart. You deserve to live more than I do!" Billie punched Tyler's chest; he doesn't use force, but enough to show Tyler that he's mad.
"Are you dying?" Suddenly, a familiar voice asked the question. It was Myla.
"I'm not.. Billie, I'll stay. But you have to promise me that you won't hurt yourself. Say it to me." Tyler stared at Billie.
"I won't hurt myself if you stay." He buried his face in Tyler's chest after that.
"You have some explaining to do, Tyler." Myla was still holding on to baby Eli and stared at Tyler.
"Billie, can I talk to Myla for a few minutes?" He rubbed the smaller guy's head.
"But you're not leaving, right?" Billie wiped his tears. He looks like an adorable little guy, and it breaks Tyler's heart that he hurt the cute man like that.
"I won't. I promise.." Tyler kissed Billie again. Billie ran to the bedroom after that, leaving Tyler with Myla. "Can we sit? I want to see the cute guy too." Tyler smiled bitterly.
Myla sat on the big couch and gave Eli to Tyler. "Now spill it out." She demanded Tyler.
"We just found out today that I need to get surgery. I'm fine, Myla." He smiled; he doesn't know if his smile looks fake or not.
"That's not the whole truth. Billie said about giving you his heart." Myla is still a great detective after all.
"The options were surgery and a heart transplant. I'm going with surgery." He hugged baby Eli closer and kissed his soft cheek. "But please don't tell Joe or Jeff. I was about to tell them today, but I changed my mind. They look so happy together." Tyler sighed.
"You still haven't told me the whole truth." Myla pressured Tyler again.
But Tyler spotted something in Myla's hand. "Did you get engaged?" 
"Don't change the subject. But yes, I did." She blushed a little.
Tyler kissed her cheek. "Congratulations. You and Quinn will be the happiest couple ever." At least Tyler could die knowing that Eli will have an amazing father.
"Tyler, tell me the truth." Myla still insists on knowing everything.
Tyler took a deep breath before he started. "The surgery is risky. But I'm less likely to get the transplant. The truth is, I feel like everyone would be happier if I died." He gave baby Eli back to Myla. "Billie is probably going to be very upset. But he has so many people who love him. You'll be happy with Quinn. Chris and Drew. And.." He stopped because he couldn't say it.
"No one will be happy when you are gone. You are the reason we have this dysfunctional family. Everyone will be sad to lose you, Ty. Please stop believing that your death will be good for anyone. Everyone loves you; we love you a little different, but we still love you." Myla hugged Tyler with her other hand. "I want to talk with the doctor too in your next consultation. You are still Eli's father."
"I know.." Tyler sighed again.
"Now go fuck that adorable sad man because I am pretty certain that's what he wants." Myla nudged Tyler.
"Thank you for everything, Myla." Tyler kissed Myla gently.
"I'm here to grab some of my stuff. But I'm not leaving you. You will stay alive and be Eli's father. Okay?" She stared at Tyler.
"I will try." Tyler hugged the little man and Myla.
They part ways. After that, Tyler went inside the master bedroom. He saw Billie sitting on the bed with a sad face. "Billie." He called the handsome singer gently.
"I need you to do something for me." Billie's green eyes stared into Tyler's eyes.
"I would do anything for you." He sat next to Billie and kissed him.
"Can I fuck you then?" Billie asked.
"Of course. I want your dick inside me." Tyler wrapped his arm around Billie's hips.
"I know you don't typically want to be the bottom, and when I asked you before, you seemed to mind it." Billie rubbed his pink hair on Tyler's shoulder.
"I don't mind taking a dick; I just usually give that privilege to my main partner, and Jeff knew that. That's why I can't let you fuck me before." Tyler gently kissed Billie's head.
"So it's not because my dick is too small?" He looked up and saw Tyler giggle a little.
"Of course not. I guess I thought that privilege 
would make me win Jeff's heart. But I was wrong. He was never mine to begin with. I think he marries me because he feels bad for me. Jeff and Chris were the only men I ever truly dated. Jeff used to run to me every time his relationship fell apart, and we always talked about how great it would be if we got married to each other. For him, that's just some joke, but for me, it was something I dreamt about for the past two decades." Tyler still feels the aches in his feelings as he tries to explain it to Billie. He knew that Billie doesn't need explanation, but he owes it to himself to accept that Jeff never really loves him the same way as he does for Jeff.
"I always dreamed about marrying Myla." Billie sighed. "I just want you to have the best time of your life before your surgery." He stared at Tyler and kissed his lips gently.
"We can try." Tyler smiled a little.