Seasons of Change

36

At roughly four in the morning, Brad walked into the bedroom climbing on top of Madison to wake her up, she stirred but didn't wake up. He began pulling off her pajama bottoms, positioning himself between her stretch-marked thighs as his fingers slid into her slit, rhythmically pumping while he worked her clit with his thumb.

With a start, Madison's eyes jolted open, arms flailing with fright in the darkness, swinging frantically at the man on top of him.

"You're really going to fucking hit me?" he laughed, almost amused.

Tears sprung to her eyes, "You can't just barge in her while I'm sleeping and try to..." She wanted to say rape but wasn't sure if was the right word, "Have sex with me."

Brad kissed her softly, still positioned between her legs, "I was just trying to wake you up with a lil surprise," he assured her, his hand slipping back between her legs.

Madison's heart was pounding, maybe it was her trauma speaking but she felt that he had no desire to wake her, that he was doing everything while she was as a way to...gratify himself. She wanted to vomit.

His fingers worked nimbly until she felt herself begin to give in to the pleasure, "I have been missing this," he told her, kissing her again. She allowed him to have his way with her, giving half-enthused sighs as he fucked her like she was a sex doll, even though he brought her to orgasm, everything felt like it was for his desires, not because he enjoyed pleasing her.

The sun was fully up by the time Brad appeared to be satiated, his pupils huge in the bright room. She'd suspected he was going to get high before she'd left and between the giant pupils and two hours of sex, her suspicions were confirmed.

He disappeared into the shower to get ready for work, leaving his discarded clothing in a heap at the foot of the bed. When she felt confident that he was not going to come back into the room immediately, she grabbed his clothes and rifled through his pocket.

Nothing to be found aside from his wallet.

Madison sat at the edge of the bed and opened it. Immediately she found a small jewelry-sized bag with a few shards of dope left. Her hands trembled, her stomach tightened and she felt the near instinct need to evacuate her bowels.

The addict in her was so tempted, she reminded herself that she'd been given another chance at motherhood with Gwen and wasn't about to lose her the way she had Jade.

She could hear the water in the bathroom turn off, and quickly she shoved Brad's Louis Vuitton wallet back into his pants, piling them back on the floor the same way he had left them.

Madison hurried over to the closet to select her outfit for the day, settling on a pair of straight-leg Banana Republic jeans and a simple blank racerback tank. It still seemed silly that she now has a closet of "old lady" clothes that were by far nicer than any of the quirky shit she had bought herself.

A pang of guilt struck her, she'd been so nasty and rude to Atira for nothing. All because Atira had married Bitch Ass Krist who had somehow been less of a Bitch ass than her own husband. She still questioned if Atira gave her and her friends at the halfway house all those clothes out of the goodness of her heart or simply because they viewed her as a charity case.

Her mind wouldn't let her believe that these snooty, upper-class women viewed her as anything less than pathetic because that was all she was. A gross addict who used to fuck nasty old men for drug money.

As she dressed, Brad entered the bedroom, a towel wrapped around his midsection. He didn't say anything, rifling through the closet and settling on a black True Religion tracksuit with a slim-fitting white t-shirt underneath.

He dressed quietly, watching Madison with his giant pupils before saying, "You fucked me so good, babe, I'm going to be going to going into work feeling on top of the world."

Yes, because you're high, Madison thought bitterly to herself.

He pulled her into his arms tenderly, "I love you, you know that? I may not always show it, but I do."

Hesitant, Madison allowed herself to be enveloped in his long arms, sinking into his embrace, "I love you, too," she told him, remembering the way he'd waken her that morning.

If he hadn't appeared to at least be in a semi-decent mood, she would have considered bringing it up, telling him how violated and disgusted she felt. Who was she fooling, she wouldn't have brought it up regardless of his mood.

Brad kissed her lightly, "I was thinking, I'm going to be working from open to close, why don't you and Gwen drop me off at the shop, I can pull out some cash so you can go out and get some coffee or something. Don't want you cooped up in the house all day," he smiled.

Madison nodded, mumbling "Oh! Thank you!" Even though his acts of kindness always threw her for a loop. She wondered if he had thought about the earlier events in the shower and felt remorseful, or felt bad for his obvious relapse.

Doubtful.

Knowing Brad, it was another manipulation tactic so if she came at him about him not coming home all night and very much being under the influence, he could come back with "How are you going to talk to me in this manner, Madison? Didn't I...?"

That option made the most sense.

Gwendolyn could be heard babbling in her crib over the baby monitor.

"Do you want me to get her?" Brad asked.

No. Hell no. All Madison could think about was Brad and his meth sweat contaminating her sweet baby girl.
Even if Brad wasn't on drugs, she most likely would have still insisted on getting Gwen herself. Their mornings were one of the best parts of the day. Gwendolyn would be sitting up in her little crib, gripping the bars with a smile on her face as she cooed and babbled to herself. She vaguely remembered those times with Jade but sadly had been too loaded all the time to appreciate them.

"No thanks, I've got her," Madison replied, hurrying to attend to her six-month-old baby.

As expected, Gwendolyn was sitting up gurgling and smiling to herself, outstretching her arms when she saw her momma.

"My Gwenny girl!" Madi exclaimed, heaving the chubby infant up and covering her perfect little face in a dozen kisses and nomming on her cheeks, making her scrunch up in a fit of ticklish delight, "How's momma's sunshine?"

She held Gwendolyn on her hip as she selected the perfect early fall outfit, a little onesie that read "Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice" with orange bell bottoms and a matching headband.

Madison held up the clothes to the baby girl, "This gonna be sooooo cute on yooooou!" She told her in a high-pitched sing-song voice.

Gwendolyn reached for the bow, locking it with that baby iron fist all infants seem to have. Madi let her hang onto it, no sense in upsetting her during her changing.

After getting the baby girl fed, they loaded up in the Cadi to head out. To her surprise, Brad insisted she drive which was a rarity in and of itself. Normally, if she drove, Brad nitpicked and made her so stressed out that she'd wind up a mess and screw up which meant he'd laid into her.

She drove carefully, not to anger him, occasionally glancing in his direction. He was sniffling and trying to discretely mess with his nose like he had a clump of something stuck in it while texting like an angry girlfriend.

Cautiously, Madison asked who he was texted. Brad looked at her in a way that reminded her of that circulating photo of that Harry Potter actor who looked spun the fuck out in the backseat of a car.

"Just my dad, babe," Brad told her matter-of-factly, "She, his wife is just freaking out, I guess, on him for going out last night, you know? She has insecurity problems or something. I don't know, we just went to a strip club and didn't even get a lap dance."

Madison gripped the steering wheel, simply responding with "Oh". She knew he was lying but felt there was no point in picking a battle that she would ultimately lose.