Seasons of Change

47

How the fuck was it already the end of October Fernando wondered as he sat outside the shop on a rainy Halloween night, passing candy out to Trick Or Treaters. He hadn't been all the creative and just dressed up as Lil Mr E from Foos Gone Wild as a joke, Victor's idea.

He got a couple laughs out of it though, couple dudes sock-checked him and because Fernando was a down-ass foo, he kept them suckers high. It was coo' though, he enjoyed Halloween so he didn't mind business was slow.

Victor, also dressed like Lil Mr. E, stopped through with his siblings, four of 'em anyway, along with Angelina, Marisol, Nina, and Karla's kids. The girls were all dressed up as various versions of Barbie, except for Rosie who was Batman though lil Nando had gotten roped into dressing as Ken. Fucking girls.

It really hit him in the gut to look at all those damn kids and know that most them were being raised by Marisol all because he and his sister Karla were selfish ass adults but he was trying to make a better change.

"Take a picture with Daddy!" Angelina said, trying to round up the kids that belonged to her ex-husband, even the ones who weren't hers.

Rosie climbed up on his lap, turning to look at him, "You look funny," she said, her dimples popping. Man, she looked like her momma.

"Me look funny? Look at you, Batman," he told her, a twinge of sadness socking him in the gut.

"Take your mask off," she laughed, pulling it up over his forehead.

He gave an exaggerated sigh, "Just for you," Fernando smiled. The kids crowded around him, yelling "Cheese!" In unison before begging for more candy.

"Aye, Victor, thanks for helping your momma wrangle your brother and sisters," he told him.

"You got too many kids," he groaned, "And Nando bites."

Nando cackled in his neon-colored Ken costume, popping a handful of M&Ms into his mouth. Weird ass fool. After a few more photos, the herd of Hernandez children and tias moved on, leaving Fernando alone in front of the shop.

"All of those kids are yours?" Ivy asked, joining him in front.

Fernando laughed, "Hell naw. Only two of 'em..." he paused dramatically, "belong to my sister. The other five are mine."

"You have five kids?"

"Seven," he replied, tearing open a Snickers package.

Ivy looked at him dumbfounded, "How?"

He chewed the candy thoughtfully and swallowed, "How?" He cackled, "Pull-out game was whack back then."

"I'll say."

"Speaking of a whack pullout game," Fernando grinned, watching Brad approaching, dressed in a grey sweatsuit, carrying Gwendolyn in one hand and an orange pumpkin in the other, Madison trailed behind him. Both she and the baby also dressed like Barbie.

Brad supposedly had been clean since Madison left him, claiming he was trying to get his family back and though he hadn't been high at work, Fernando had his doubts about how sincere Brad was about staying clean. He sure the hell wasn't staying away from the Jack shakes, Fernando knew that much.

"Trick or treat," Brad said, his monotone voice trying to sound happy as he held out the pumpkin bucket.

Fernando dropped a handful of candy, shaking his head, "Everybody and they momma," he glanced at Madison grinning, "Literally, be dressed up like Barbie today."

"Tell me she doesn't look adorable though," Madison beamed proudly at her baby girl.

"She does look cute, I give you that," he smiled, his eyes meeting hers. Fernando pulled out his phone, showing her a picture of his girls and their cousins in their Barbie costumes.

"I love that Rosie was like 'hell naw, I'm gonna be Batman', she's her own ass person," Madison grinned, locking eyes again with Fernando.

"F'real. Don't even wanna be Batgirl, she gotta be Batman."

Madison studied the picture, "Her and Nando look so big since I saw them," she said, "I went over with Adriana...and we visited them. Well tried, til her mom started a fight with her." She handed the phone back to him.

"Man, fuck Kelly. She talk all that mess about Adriana but she wasn't a mother either."

"I can't believe it's already been a year since she's been gone," Madison told him grimly.

"I been thinking about that a lot lately," he admitted, "It feel like ain't no time passed but at the same, it feel like she been gone forever."

Madison chewed her bottom lip, "I hate myself for not trying to stop her from leaving to go see him."

Fernando looked up at her, the pain shone in his eyes, "Nothing you coulda done," he said sincerely, "Ain't your fault, and don't let yourself believe that."

She nodded slowly, Brad glanced in her direction but not actually at her, "I should probably get you guys home. I got a long day tomorrow."

"Peace out," Fernando told him flatly, Brad gave him a nod.

"Nice seeing you, Fernando."

"Take it easy, Madison."

He watched them disappear down the sidewalk, feeling some kind of way about Madison having to deal with a lame like Brad.

One thing that bugged him about Brad, was the lack of light behind his eyes. There was none. Fernando had been around people of all kinds, gangsters, criminals, straight-up murderers but for the most part, their eyes showed something. Brad, though, he couldn't read. And it was like a poker face type thing neither. It was like nothing was behind his eyes. Cold. Soulless. They'd always been like that. Maybe he was tripping, too much time to think about shit that didn't matter, and read too much into things.

And then he thought about Adriana. He thought about her daily and blamed himself for getting her caught up in his mess. Man, he shoulda never fucked with her. If he could have gone back in time, he would have told her ass to go back inside when she came up to his Monte Carlo that fall afternoon. He should have told her she didn't want the shit that came along with him.

Though he told Madison it wasn't her fault and not to let herself think that, it didn't mean he couldn't because if it was anyone's fault, it was his.