Smoke and secrets | 18 +

XXXVIII

A month and a half has passed since I was in hospital, thanksgiving has come and gone.

We're nearing Christmas now.

And I have to say, no one does Christmas like the Moretti family. There's Christmas lights all around the house and three different big Christmas trees. All of them are decorated to perfection, and the house constantly smells like Christmas cookies.

Tori had me move upstairs, which I wasn't complaining about. So I moved out of my room downstairs up here with her.

Kylo did too.

Each night Tori holds me close, like she always has but now it feels different. Like there's more love in the simple things.

Like when we watch a movie together and her fingers running up and down my leg. Or when we're across the room from each other, for whatever reason, I'll catches her stealing glances at me.

It's so cute, she meets my eyes and smiles before turning away.

But deep down, I know she's scared. I know she's scared when she pulls me just a little closer at night or when she's helping me change the bandages on all my scars she runs her fingers over them and a short look of fear passes in her eyes.

I feel really bad, I caused her to have such fear within her. It hurts to know it's my fault.

I told her all about the vivid dreams and moments I had after I was shot. And as painful as they were, I couldn't help but feel like some part of it were like a sign of some sort.

And each time Tori would answer in Italian with a smile and I have no idea what she says. But it sounds pretty anyways.

"How do you feel about going to Switzerland next week, for a few days." Tori asked me as I laid next to her in bed.

"Switzerland? Why?" I asked her.

"Just for a break. Just you and me. We could go skiing and try out all kinds of Swiss chocolate for the next few days. A little break."

"Mhmm, it sounds quite nice. I've never been skiing before." I said to her. I turned my head to look at her, her dark eyes shining.

"I'll teach you when we go." She kissed me softly. "Okay, I need to get some work done before tonight." Tori said.

"Can't you just work from here?" I teased her for a moment.

"I could if you want me to bambina."she said. A little flash of worry passed her eyes.

"Tori, go work, I'll be fine." I said as I sat up properly.

"Are you sure? I'll have more—"

"Love, I'm fine see? I'm here. He's not. I'm fine." I said as I sat on my knees and put my hand to her cheek.

"I know, I know." She sighed and for the first time, she looked so vulnerable and raw. Like there wasn't a bit of her she was hiding.

"Arabella, I get scared. Scared that I'm going to lose you again. My heart couldn't handle that. I can't handle losing you again." She said softly.

"I had this ringing in my ears when I held your hand and you started bleeding again. I was so sure this was it."

"And I remember telling myself that if you let go it was fine, I'd be okay, because if we were meant to be we'd definitely meet again, maybe somewhere in the stars or we'd be fate. I was sure of it." She said.