*TRIGGER WARNING* *ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP*
When El is about to ditch school, she finds someone beat her to it. They brush it off and move on to go to there destinations. Little do they know that this would not be the last time they would see each othe...
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it's my birthday...
no...it's our birthday
and i can't celebrate it with him...
we cant split an eggo and yell 'mazel tov' not knowing what it means
i know he's not dead
i can feel it in my chest
but i know im not in a book where i find him today
where he comes out of no where saying 'gotcha didnt i?'
where he runs up to me and laughs...
i feel numb
my friends are sweet enough to post me like this and all i can do is like the post
i dont want to do this
i dont want to do life...
i just want my brother back
i want the old me back
the real me
not the one who fakes smiles
she scares me
i miss him
and i miss us
i almost want to back out of doing the party thing
but i have to
"suck it up." i whisper to myself as i get up
i told Will i was fine but he didn't believe me
so i pretended to fall asleep so he would leave
i love him but i dont want to be a burden
i slowly drag myself to the sink
im a mess
i cant even recognize myself
i just want to go back to bed and cry...
but i promised
i wash my face and enter the shower
tears stream down my face as i stand in the shower
i give up and sit on the floor as the water falls on my body
i cant even cry anymore
'dont do it. dont do it. dont do it.'
'do it. do it. nothings stopping you. just do it'
i just sit there
the noise and voices in my head are just there
trying to suffocate me
i cant even bother to care
i rinse myself off and dry my body
i do my routine and wear a casual outfit
Max and i want to go get lunch together because i missed breakfast
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i put some concealer on and try to fix my mess of a face
once im done i go to the living room
and everyone is there
waiting for me
the start singing 'happy birthday'
i just smile
i want to cry and shut them up
i want to use my powers and blow up the world
but i dont let it show
i think Mike can tell because he stops singing and mouths 'are you ok?'
i just nod and blow out the candles when they're done
"Thank you guys so much. You really didn't have to..." i say with a smile
"Oh well, we wanted you to feel special on your special day." Joyce says
I hug hear and everyone else
We get lunch and i manage to only have 3 panic attacks and one anxiety one
but all without being seen.
we get home and get ready for the party
a/n: yall i give up on trying to schedule my writing. you'll get it once a month or smth😭😭😭 at this point set your expectations low. anyway, as you can see im changing my writing style. i think this is better...? idk let me know what you think.
