Bowie Dixon is the nine year old daughter of Daryl Dixon, and yet his complete opposite. She's a sweet girl, just looking for someone to guide her to a better headspace. After losing her mom exactly one year before the dead started to walk the earth...
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I'm sat by myself, over on the grass. It's quiet at the farm after it all. I don't got many thoughts in my head, an' I can only think of a couple things at once. Sophia an' Carol bein' both of 'em. I'm hurt from today. It's weird, 'cause it feels like a mental hurt, but the mental hurt is so bad that it's makin' me feel like i'm physically hurt, too. I got heart burn from all the cryin', and my cheeks sting. Feels like my tears are made of acid or somethin' strong like that.
I think that the sadder you are, the more the tears hurt when they fall. I wonder if Carol's tears are stingin' her face like mine. I wonder if her tears are even more painful than mine are. Her's prob'ly feel like boulders or somethin'. Like bricks fallin' down her face an' landin' on her chest. I feel guilty. I could've saved her from hurtin' this bad. I could'a left with Sophia. We could've been and found the group together. But i'm back, and Sophia isn't.
Sophia found me. When I ran away, Sophia ran away after me, an' she found me. I wasn't alone none when I ran. She found me, but I didn't get to find her. I should'a found her. I should'a tried harder. I should'a ignored all the bells an' ran the opposite way. I should'a tried to track her, an' followed her footprints. But I didn't. I left an' I followed the bells, 'cause i'm selfish, an' i'm jealous.
I start cryin' again. Even heavier. I cry so hard that i'm makin' noise, like how a baby cries an' make noise. I'm cryin' so loud. I gotta put a hand over my mouth, sobbin' into my hand so there ain't a soul that can hear me. Just like I used to do when momma died, an' I didn't want dad to hear me cryin' into her pillow.
"Hey." I hear a soft voice, makin' me turn around. It's Glenn. He's stood there with a sympathetic look on his face.
"Hi." I say, quickly wipin' away my tears, but there ain't no use in that, 'cause he's already seen that i'm cryin'. He prob'ly thinks i'm stupid, an' I got no reason to cry, 'cause it's my fault.
Glenn moves so sit next to me, so close to me that his upper arm is touchin' mine, an' our knees keep knockin' together. I let out a sniffle as I keep starin' at the grass. "It's not your fault, okay?"
"I could'a—" I cut myself off to take a deep breath, 'cause I don't wanna cry again. "I could'a saved her."
"No, you couldn't. This isn't on you. You were lost, just like she was, and you had no idea that—"
"I did." I cut him off, lookin' up at him with tears in my eyes. "I woke up, an' I saw her gettin' up, but I was too tired an' I went back to sleep, 'cause I thought she wouldn't leave, an' she did."
I didn't tell my daddy that, 'cause I know he'd get mad at me. I know he'd think I did it on purpose, but I didn't. I just went back to sleep, 'cause I didn't think she was stupid enough to go out on her own, but she was. She got up an' she walked out. When I say I could'a saved her, I mean it. If I would'a just got up an' stopped her. I didn't. I didn't stop her from leavin'. I didn't stop her from dyin'. I could've. I could'a done so many things to save her.
