Life Goes On.

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It was like he wanted to erase him from my mind, body and soul. Asked me if I was in love with him, and kissed me when I said that wasn't something he should be worrying about on our wedding day. Brushing my hair out of my eyes as I cried and apologised for not listening when he said Aubrey would pop out, show out, as he said he was sorry for thinking I would double back to him. I wanted to ask, why, why he asked and knew I couldn't without making my guilt clear as what he thought my conscious looked like. Memories of the time I spent with him, while damson was away haunting me more than ever.

"Ly, I love you

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"Ly, I love you... enough to know, this is gonna be hard for you, I know you loved him,... before...so, it's not easy to just be done, especially with the kids, they're young..."
"I just know he's going to be difficult, he already got my kids crying when he don't show!"
"I... I don't want you to feel like you have to do this, I mean... I want this, I love you, and, more than anything in the world, I want you to be happy ... truly"
I dried my eyes, looking up at him thinking about the fact we had a child on the way, and, Aubrey was more of a liability to my heart than the love it my life, it seemed. I wanted what we had, but then, I realised, there was always something stopping us seeing eye to eye, seeing each other at all.

He thought my moment of calm was me bowing out,
"You stay here okay,... I'll tell everyone to go"
"Tell them I have to get my makeup fixed baby, can't marry me when I look like this!" Could see even his heart smiling, wide, as he called for beauty to come back to my suite as he got everyone ready for my entrance. Eyes ticking,, clocking me and the tea with Aubrey seen shouting on the way out and in the hallway. Accepted I made my choice, but also made sure to note my ex husband was not happy, and someone shared video of his pop out, which sent the press wild and solidified losing me as a notarised moment in time.

Working to push through it, something that we both do. Underestimated my ability to move on, this time, for real. He was noting the pictures, announcement post on both of our pages doing numbers made it hard for to him not see it. Turning off phones; turning up and heading to the strip club was his first step to getting over us fighting, and, I just happened to see, he was back on his bullshit.

Knew I also had to accept I forced him to do, and what he was about to force in my  face for sure. We bought a new house, closer to Hollywood this time as training and studying the role was his main focus for the next new project, as I was fully into mommy mode. Showing from the right angle. My mistake while he was away, something he suspected but he didn't question if the baby was his at all. I didn't either, we used a condom, every time, and alike with the prior similar situation, I was sure my husband was my child's father.

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