Love Me, Please (Camren)

Chapter 34

They end up at a pizza place because Lauren couldn't make a decision, and all she knew was that she absolutely didn't want to go anywhere fancy.

It's a good choice, though. Camila takes her to this place neither of them have ever been to before and they explore it together. Lauren feels a little stiff at first but as the evening goes on she begins to feel more and more comfortable, especially as she gets to know Camila more and more.

They've never done anything like this before, obviously, having a meal with just the two of them, one-on-one so they have to talk to each other. Lauren finds she enjoys it.

She ends up learning a lot about Camila, actually, and every second that passes she realizes how wrong she was about her, and it makes her heart ache even more because she has no idea what's going on and suddenly she kind of begins to think that maybe she would sort of want a future with Camila...

Camila talks about her family a lot, her mum, dad and her sister who she loves more than anything. Really. Lauren finds that very admirable. She also ends up rambling on about how much she loves her dog Thunder and dogs in general. Lauren goes along with it and pretends she isn't thinking of Camila having a family of her own, later in life.

It hurts, when she thinks about Camila having a family and Lauren not being a part of it.

That's how she knows.

It's difficult to admit it to herself but as Camila's words wash over her and she soaks it all in, nodding along and giving the appropriate responses at the appropriate times to show she's listening, because she really is listening, Lauren lets her mind wander a little bit and she considers a ton of different possibilities. One of the possibilities is that she never apologizes and never tries to fix this with Camila, and after today they stop speaking as often and stop seeing each other altogether and that's where it ends. Camila goes on to find someone who will love her like Lauren can't, and Lauren is left alone and depressed for the rest of her life because the one guarantee is that her soulmate will love her and when she doesn't even have that, she just knows she'll never be able to find anyone.

She doesn't want that to happen. Of course she doesn't want that to happen. She just really doesn't want to lose Camila.

Fuck.

Camila's still rambling on about Thunder, when Lauren cuts in rudely, saying, "Hey Camz?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I need to apologize,” she whispers, sucking in a shaky breath. "About, like, a lot of things."

Camila doesn't look very bothered at being interrupted. In fact, she looks relieved. She reaches across the table and grabs Lauren's hands in her own. "Me too,” she says sincerely.

Lauren swallows thickly, feeling the warmth flood into her body through Camila's touch. "Can I go first?"

"Of course, love."

"I haven't been fair to you," Lauren begins truthfully, unable to meet Camila's eyes. It feels momentous and daunting because there's so much she messed up, so much she has to fix. But she wants to do this. She needs to do this.

And so she tells her everything.